Nasty & Nasty SR...anything else I can do for you ladies?
So…there really is a reason for my last blog. I had to give a back story in order for you to understand the feeling of nausea that has overcome me because of Nasty’s “traditions”.
After not having sent anything to SS for his birthday, Nasty’s mother (who my SO calls NANNI for crying out loud!), has apparently sent a package to Nasty for the Skids for Christmas.
Nasty has not Skyped with her children since the beginning of August. She’s called twice with each call lasting 5 minutes, shared between her 2 children. Per one of my past blogs, one of those calls was an accident, so I don’t really even count that one!
SO got a call yesterday from Nasty & it went something like this (bearing in mind that the Skids were at school & she knew this)…
SO: Hello?
Nasty: Guess what?!?!?
SO: Ummm…you’re going to Skype with the Skids tonight?
Nasty: NO!
SO: Okay
Nasty: My mommy sent a package for Skids’ Christmas! Isn’t that sweet! She sent gift cards & ORNAMENTS!!!! She’s SUCH A PERFECT NANNI, isn’t she???
SO: Okay...nice that she missed SS's birthday though. Will she remember SD's? Is there anything else?
Nasty: Ummm…No…
SO: *Click*
Now ladies (& gentlemen), why, in God’s name would I want yet MORE effing ornaments from her side of the family in my home? Why in the world would I want to hang more “Nasty” trash on my tree? What kind of “Nanni” would expect HER crap to be hung on her XSIL’s tree? What family in their right minds would EXPECT the new woman (ME!!), who takes care of THEIR gkids (because their own daughter WON’T) to carry on with, hang, hold for & lovingly save THEIR family traditions? Are they out of their ever loving minds???
I told SO to tell Nasty to keep the damn ornaments…he ignored my statement & said he would have the Skids put them in their bedrooms. Whatever…heaven forbid anyone say NO to the no-good, selfish, spoiled, self absorbed cretin that he spawned with! Please, send more shit that I’m going to have to save…I would LOVE to be the one to pass on YOUR special shit to the Skids that I raised.
AWESOME!
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I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying but we have the same family tradition and as much as I dislike BM I would never refuse SS to continue with his moms tradition and put up Xmas ornaments. The kids are being hurt enough by their shitty mom and maternal family. Getting presents and hanging ornaments from their moms side will help them feel less hurt by the fact that their mom has abandoned them. You shouldn't look at it like you have Nastys crap hanging on YOUR tree... Xmas is for the kids, about the kids and if it makes them feel better about their pos mom then I would not keep them from that. It is sentimental for the children. You allowing them to put them on their Xmas tree will make you the better person and show you are doing what you can to help these kids in this rough time they are having. Just remember it is about the kids and it is a time for giving.
Thank you for that Ms.
Thank you for that Ms. Blessed.
It will be THEIR Christmas tree when THEY are paying the bills & THEY have children. You obviously didn't read my last blog, otherwise you would have seen my suggestion to my SO about a secondary tree, like what my friends in "intact" families do, because apparently, women in "intact" families get THEIR tree & THEIR KIDS tree but we step mothers have to forego OUR tree & just have a SKids tree...AWESOME...thanks for that uplifting thought.
While I believe that Christmas is important for children, it is also important for grown ups. I was having Christmas LONG before I had SKids & will continue to have Christmas after they move out on their own...possibly sharing Christmas with their BM (HAHA...NOT) or their future SO's families.
You make it sound like I'm denying them anything to do with their BM's side of the family...which is not the case. They have their pics in their rooms, they have gifts that they've sent...the point is MY TREE with BM's families ornaments. That's my issue...
I'm sorry but I don't see you making such a comment as anythimg but a critism with a smile...plus, this is a sour topic for me. I will not be changing my mind. I already save BM's family shit for the SKids, so this will just be one more item to add to the box over the next few years.
Sing it, sister! I am so
Sing it, sister! I am so sick of every blessed thing being about the kids that I could kick a nun. Frankly, the whole thing makes me stabby! Just once I would like for someone to explain to me why the biological parents get cut more slack than the step-parents who had nothing to do with bringing the little brats into the world and get none of the credit for any of the (endless!) sacrifices they make. Damn straight it is YOUR tree!!!!!
>>>You shouldn't look at it
>>>You shouldn't look at it like you have Nastys crap hanging on YOUR tree...<<<
Why on earth not? That is exactly what it is.
We have several Christmas
We have several Christmas trees. One for DD's room, one for SS's room, a tiny one for the table centerpiece, and get a large live tree for the living room. I think in their room on thier personal tree is an excellent place for these personal memories. You don't even have to make it seem like it is because the ornaments are from their other family. Simply, you should decorate your tree with the ornaments that will go with you when you grow up so we have ornaments on the main tree that will stay here when you leave.
I agree get them their own
I agree get them their own little tree for their rooms and let them do it all up themselves and it will be very special for them. Just do it don't say anything and surmise them when Dh sees their faces he won't say no. AA8 }:)
The most simple answer to
The most simple answer to your question Stepdown is, they are dumb asses.
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - my
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - my thoughts exactly-!!!!!!
And u don't have to keep up
And u don't have to keep up with anything. It them to the skids and say here these r IRS and let them pack them away. U don't worry about once u give them to them. Like I said get a little tree for each one and let them have a ball.
That's a good idea Purple,
That's a good idea Purple, thank you!
I wasn't trying to
I wasn't trying to criticize.. I was just trying to let you see it in a positive way. I never thought of it as DH trying to make you follow his ex's traditions in your home tho... That is a very good point. I do like the idea of them having their own little tree in their rooms. Very cool idea. I guess if I was in your shoes I probably wouldn't be so positive about it as I advised you to be. I do believe Christmas is mainly about the kids but is also about the adults. I just find my happiness around Xmas comes from the children mostly. I just celebrate my Xmas differently than you do in ways. The tree is always everyone's and done by everyone. Everything is done and shared together. (Not that I'm saying you don't do these things as well) I just enjoy the things that help bring us together because it is very hard to feel like it is my home with SS and BM always dictating my life and home. So I do see your side. I just was saying that the SKids are going thru a lot and if they could put an ornament on the tree maybe they would feel like Xmas was more "normal" or like their mom was apart of it in a small way. Seeming how she abandoned them and im sure it will be rough.
Stepmoms have it rough but we also need to remind ourselves that some of these kids have it hard as well. We are adults and can handle the emotional hardships better than a child who was abandoned by their own mother. Esp around the holidays and anything we can do as a stepMOM to make it a little easier on them, we should find the compassion in our hearts to do so.
Again I do like the tree in their rooms tho. That way you both win.
Trust me, I fully understand
Trust me, I fully understand the need that children with abandonment issues have...I am with them every single day, with rare breaks. I understand because it is MY job to protect them, to the best of my ability and to ensure that they are happy, healthy children. SO & myself work very hard to ensure that they have a happy home life. I understand that they are in emotional pain & have issues due to their mother, but there is only so much I can do or that I am willing to do to ensure that they have "warm fuzzies" when thinking of their mother...trust me, I do plenty to keep that "fuzzy" feeling alive & well.
As a child, I myself was abandoned by my father (along with my 5 siblings)...our step dad was just that...our step dad...he went above & beyond for us. He was great & we love him. He never tried to do the warm fuzzy thing about our dad & we were just fine & dandy. Our mom didn't expect it of him either...or at least not that we saw.
I left pictures of her up in OUR home for a year and a half...because it was "better for the children", I have put up with A LOT of crap because it was "better for the children". I have a list of shit that I've been put through "for the children"...I'm going to stop there because I'm getting angry. That's for myself...not the children.
I'm sorry but I still feel like you're a bit holier than thou on the topic with the whole "...we should find the compassion in our heart..." yada yada.
We cannot even get a tree due
We cannot even get a tree due to how much they cost usually . . . so I can't imagine then paying for more than one, so the kids can have their own tree???
Maybe in a better economy, but no, I think their OWN mom needs to store all that crap for her own kids to have when they grow up and have their own trees.
Well...this year, their own
Well...this year, their own tree is not going to happen but I love the idea of personal trees or even a game room tree when we have the room & money.
We have an artificial tree so we don't have to spend money annually on that.
As far as Nasty keeping ANYTHING, it won't happen...again...this is a woman who threw away her own children's baby books...I still am shocked about that information, but it is what it is.
I know one thing... I could
I know one thing... I could never look at a picture of BM hanging in my house. I would probably smash it to pieces with a baseball bat. I'm sorry if you feel im coming off like that. I'm not meaning to... I feel as a SM myself that you are infact going above and beyond. I def commend you on taking on everything you have.
I am excited to do the whole individual trees and have the kiddos make their ornaments too. I'll prob grab the tiny ones from big lots for 10 bucks each.
Hey BM Nasty. Why don't YOU
Hey BM Nasty. Why don't YOU see your kids more than once a f'n year for a few days and how bout when you celebrate christmas with them you can put your family stuff on your tree and have all that fun family tradition crap. Novel idea!
I will not be carrying on BM traditions in my house either. THATS up to them, I'm not going to stop anyone from doing their own family things. But as far as SO and I, WE are a family now and will carry on our own traditions thank you very much.
I also agree that its not your responsibility to make BM out to be this wonderful person to her kids. No I would never agree with someone bad mouthing a BM. But doing sit there and try to get kids to think something ghats not, they just end up more disappointed in the end.