What is it w/parents wanting to be the "BFF" & not the parent?
Recently the DH & I have witnessed (& heard snip-its through the boys) his X is acting more like the BFF than the Mother she should be. For example: How many of you would let your 16yr daughter stay out all night till 2 or 3 a.m.? You call all over hell's half acre looking for this "child" & when she finally decides to grace your presence.....her punishment is....brace yourself... Losing her phone for a week. WHAT THE????? I'm pretty sure the punishment that I would've endured by my parents would be considered child abuse these days.
It's not just the 16yr old. It's the 14yr old daughter too! The things you learn from Facebook! Running here there & yonder w/her friends & boy friends. I'm just floored by all this "Go do whatever your heart's desire. You are out of my hair!" parenting!
My DH has no say so in the situation. The X has made darn sure that she has turned the girls against him. The only time they call is if they want something & usually it's....$$$$!!! His relationship with them is non-existent. Because of the lies & manipulation, they blame him for everything being wrong or going wrong in their lives....past or present & let's not leave out future!
As you can guess, I have no relationship with the girls. Which is sad & breaks my heart. I have no children of my own and was only blessed with nephews. I was looking forward to having the type of relationship with them that my Mom & I shared. Face it ladies, you can't go shopping properly w/lil' boys! 
The X has made sure they will never have anything but hate for me. Ever since I have been on the scene, the X has been spinning her web of lies & manipulations. I have been accused of everything under the sun....including being a STRIPPER! I guess I should take offense to that but let's face it, some of those girls have HOT BODIES! And for a girl who's "healthy", I'm taking that as a compliment! 
Joke's on you WITCH!
How do you ladies and/or/Dad's deal w/X's who have so much hate & bitterness??? Will there ever be a day when these kids wake up & see her for what she truly is?
- ESMDA's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
SD14's BM seeks BFF status
SD14's BM seeks BFF status too. Her idea of parenting is staying in the basement all day/night with her BF and screaming up the stairs when she wants her kids to bring her something. On her weekends she drops SD14 off at a friends for the weekend every time and on our weekends of course SD is with us. She has no supervision when out with friends, no supervision online, no supervision period. BM encourages her to be aggressive, mouthy, bossy to her friends/bf. Ugh. I dont get it either.
SD is a sweet angel with us though...she definitely comprehends the difference between BM and DH & I parenting styles. So far she hasn't turned on us and declared that we suck and BM is so much better because she lets her run wild. I often half expect it. But, luckily SD seems to enjoy and kind of count on the contrast. I think she actually likes being parented in the small doses she gets from us....it makes her feel loved and important. That is my take anyway. It would be different I'm guessing if we were 50/50.
BTDT...BM is BFF and has no
BTDT...BM is BFF and has no rules. So SD14 sued us to live with her full time. We had 50/50. THese kids need structure and if they do not get it, they become wild. Our SD has told friends that she drinks and has done some vandalism at 14. Way to go BM.
DH also has 2 boys. They
DH also has 2 boys. They come every other wknd. The X will not allow any additional time. The boys have adjusted, somewhat, to the VERY different parenting styles. The oldest, 12, has his moments. The youngest, 9, does a lot better w/it. However, he has his moments of sass in him too.
DH has pretty much washed his hands w/the girls. We still give them b-day & Christmas gifts. At 1st I made sure all had equal amount spent on them. NO MORE! If they want to treat their Dad like a P.O.S., and of course me too, count yourself lucky you get a dang thing!
*DRUZZILLA - I will say that things in "our" house has been less tense since DH gave up on the SD's. It still irritates him & I know it breaks his heart.
We got that phone call late
We got that phone call late one night that BM and SD had been fighting. I looked at DH and said she is not coming here. He understood, and went to a coffee shop and let her talk on and on about BM. He just listened and sent her back to BM. So relieved. Funny thing is she hasn't spoken to him since. That was 5 months ago. She is only going to call when she needs to get away from BM. That is awful that that is the only time she wants to talk to her father.
Jsmom.....I'm just waiting
Jsmom.....I'm just waiting for the boys or someone we know to break the news to us that 1 or both of the SD's are knocked up. Apparently, the X likes to sit on her mighty pedestal & give judgement on the world. Especially, people that is supposed to be her "friends" who's kid has wound up pregnant & a teen. As you all know, Karma is 1 mean & evil lil' witch & she's got her number! You just can't go around saying how trashy or a bad parent they are & act like you are all HOLY.....When Lord knows you're not!
Sad to say but I just want a FRONT ROW SEAT when Karma comes to her house to visit!
I'm a soft, lenient parent. I
I'm a soft, lenient parent. I don't do it out of hate or vindictiveness. It's just my personality. I'm more comfortable and credible in my role than as disciplinarian. Somehow, though, my kids are still pretty good kids. I think it's because I'm still involved and concerned with what they do. I'm not proud of what kind of parent I am, just saying it's the only kind I know how to be.
Edited to add: I'm NOT the kind of "friend" parent that is sharing the gory details of my personal life and expecting my kids to fill in all my emotional needs.
I'm continually ranting on here that I'm sick to death of hearing the excuse that Children of Divorce have special needs that "regular" kids don't have. I think that maybe one place they do get shortchanged is not having the family model in our society where a married couple as parents complements each other, picking up each other's slack. A single parent doesn't have anyone to offset their shortcomings. Not saying that since I'm a "friend" type parent I would expect my spouse to be the dictator, but would be more of a partnership dynamic (in a healthy relationship).
I have two ex's. One is kind of a guilty dad and the other phones his $0.02 on discipline in from across the country once or twice a year. These BM's in question evidently have potential co-parents if they would just get their minds off their own psychotic needs for a half a second and think about what's good for their kids.
Our BM is just like this. It
Our BM is just like this. It was a problem before the divorce. All three - BM, SD, SS - smoked behind DH's back. Of course they wanted to stay with her, and both were extremely wild.
SS - flunked 8th grade 2x, was child in need of services (court got involved), arrested 1 time pot, 2 times drinking, 1 DUI, went to lock up for 2 weeks, punched holes in house walls, out all night every night, etc.
SD - wrecked two cars drunk, got knocked up, almost didn't graduate HS, had boys overnight all the time, is a nightmare to live with and has now been kicked out at age 22, can't believe BM finally got some nads.
Oh yeah, and for a while BM had all kinds of kids shacking up there on the floor, BJs in the bathroom, drug deals, underage drinking and drugs...while she's out being a teenager again.
Iwlass.....DEAR GOD ARE YOU
Iwlass.....DEAR GOD ARE YOU LIVING MY LIFE????????????????
Verbadum what has transpired w/SD16! She was also 12 when they split! Sad to say she's the mother of the children. NOT BM! BM shared all the gory details. And claimed that "She (BM) had no friends." That's why she told SD16 (12 the time) everything.
DH begged BM to send SD to counselling. When SD16 went & DH & BM were requested to go, BM had a hissy fit! BM claimed & accused DH of turning counselor against her! Yanked SD from counselling. Funny, BM requested DH to pay for 1 of SS's all star sport jerseys b/c SD16 is now in......COUNSELLING! Funny how BM didn't want SD16 to have counselling when she hated Daddy only. But now, Mommy is having issues w/SD16...SEND HER TO COUNSELLING! Just makes me laugh.
The Orc actually said this...
The Orc actually said this... "I think parents should be their kid's friend."
Same thing BM said to DH when
Same thing BM said to DH when he called her out on her permissiveness. She just doesn't get it.
Momma Althea - Nothing wrong
Momma Althea - Nothing wrong w/being a soft parent. My best friend is what I would call a soft parent. Her daughter is a GREAT child. She is also divorced. She & her X are cordial. Her X is not & never really has been a hands on parent. He loves his daughter & sees her every other wknd but isn't "involved" in her life.
I'm not saying everyone needs to beat their children. I would just hope that a parent would dish out a lil' more severe punishment than "You don't get to use your phone for 1 wk" to a 16 daughter who stayed out till 2 or 3 in the a.m.
Side note: My parents didn't "beat" me in the least. I got my fair share of spankings from my MOM. The "threat" of my Dad spanking me was good enough for me to jump back into line.
Yes! Most definitely BM has a co-parent. However from what I have personally witnessed, someone who is a bitter, nasty control freak tends not to want to co-parent or co-anything for that matter.
And btw, you are correct! Kids of divorce shouldn't get any "special" treatment. You might have to handle them w/kid gloves for a short period to understand where they are coming from. But, it doesn't mean those gloves should be cashmere & worn 24/7 w/rose colored glasses.
LizzieA -
LizzieA - NIIIIICCCCCEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! SMH
DH & I are now wondering why a 20yr old (boy) is hanging around the SS's since May. Can't figure out what his deal is. According to Facebook, he's into chicks. We 1st thought he was dating 1 of the SD's....NOPE! BM has letting him take the SS's to a few of their practices & games...that she shows up late to or not at all. Of course BM won't dare call DH to say she can't take them. We just show up & there he is! Would say that that he & BM are an item but, from all appearances that's a NOPE too.
I must add this tid-bit that every man BM has been with she has informed the kids & DH that the "new man on the scene" will be their new DADDY! It's even went so far that SD16 informed DH that he would never walk her down the aisle..."New Daddy on the scene" will! The latest b/f (that was married to her cousin, yes Jerry Springer alert!) wound up killing himself a lil' over a yr ago. SD14 now has a tribute Facebook page honoring him. SD14 goes so far as to say HE is her dad. Has posted on her Facebook page that "I hate it when people say they hate their Dad! I'd give anything to have just 1 more day w/mine!". She's not talking about DH kids! And then BFF BM posts...."Oh I miss him too." RME..... :sick:
YES - Our BM is friends with
YES - Our BM is friends with all the skids' friends on FB. Also, she has no "filters" on her FB, so if someone posts the latest drunken pic of BM, it goes right on the skids' FB wall. I am also friends with skids on FB, BUT, I have them blocked to ALL posts. They can only see pics I've tagged them in, or direct messages from me to them - RARE.
And she has some of the skids' listed as "daughters" on her FB page.
BUT - the skids have NO respect for BM. They are extremely respectful of me and DH. But, when we listen to the way they speak to their mom, it's awful. It goes something like this:
BM - Hey baby, sweetie pie, how's your day going?
Skid - fine.
BM - What, sweet babykins?
Skid - I said fine, GOD!
BM - Honey, ok, I was just asking, okay???
Skid - Okay, are we done?
BM - Okay, pumpkin, I'll see ya tomo......(dial tone)
We used to speak to the skids about this, but we don't do it anymore. There's only so much we can do - it's also the BM's job to demand/earn respect from her kids. Now, the skids talk to the BM in their room, or via text, or not at all while in our presence.
That is messed up. My mother
That is messed up. My mother used to tell me all the time that she is not my friend. She is my mother, and therefore cannot be my friend.
I think DH is now treating SD20 like that. Letting her drink around us as if she's a buddy instead of his daughter. I guess since they don't have much of a relationship anymore, he's just doing what he can to have her at all in his life.
I say it's DH's and BM's fault for not teaching her how to respect others. That's the problem with having your kids as your "friend".
z3girl - I tell my children
z3girl - I tell my children the same thing... that I'm their mom, not their friend, and quite honestly I don't expect them to even like me until they're in their 20's (currently 11 and 14).
The BM here tries to be the BFF, no punishments for anything. Kids flunking school, but it's OK to let them run the streets, spend hours on the computer gaming their lives away. She calls and complains to DH and he says "take the damned computer away from them." But no.
She even told her kids once that she loves them sooooo much and is sooooo concerned about their well-being that she would only consider marrying someone without kids (which she did) so that SK's wouldn't have to "share". Of course, unlike their father, who married some witch (me) with 2 brats in tow.
Honestly? She couldn't cope being a SM. She can't even cope being a BM. She always whines that she's so overwhelmed and helpless... although I'm not sure how a non-employed mom of a couple teenagers can be so overwhelmed, especially when 9 months out of the year she has her days to herself to do whatever.
Oh well.
z3girl - I tell my children
z3girl - I tell my children the same thing... that I'm their mom, not their friend, and quite honestly I don't expect them to even like me until they're in their 20's (currently 11 and 14).
The BM here tries to be the BFF, no punishments for anything. Kids flunking school, but it's OK to let them run the streets, spend hours on the computer gaming their lives away. She calls and complains to DH and he says "take the damned computer away from them." But no.
She even told her kids once that she loves them sooooo much and is sooooo concerned about their well-being that she would only consider marrying someone without kids (which she did) so that SK's wouldn't have to "share". Of course, unlike their father, who married some witch (me) with 2 brats in tow.
Honestly? She couldn't cope being a SM. She can't even cope being a BM. She always whines that she's so overwhelmed and helpless... although I'm not sure how a non-employed mom of a couple teenagers can be so overwhelmed, especially when 9 months out of the year she has her days to herself to do whatever.
Oh well.