Have you every wondered what life was like before SO met you?
I don't know how BF ever did it before he met me. It's not that I tell him what to do but I questions things out loud and i think it helps him to know that he is not the only one that thinks BM is retarded and/or does retarded things.
This week it was School pictures. Which are Thursday (our week). BM asked BF if he had clothes for him if not she did (last year she dressed him in a shirt that was too big) then she went on to say that SS4 is not getting his picture taken because last year he threw a fit. Personally I think SS4 has come a long way and I really don't see the harm in trying., then if he throws a fit forget about it. So BF called the teacher and asked for a form (BM had tossed it out) we filled it out and told the teacher to try. BF was like do I tell BM? I said no, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission and if you tell her she may try to show up at the school and 'help' or something. I said just let him try on his own and if they turn out then BM will be surprised. If not I may try to take an 'official' looking picture myself and charge BM if she wants any copies 
Now I believe if I wasn't here BF would have just let it go, which is why SS4 is they way he is. BM doesn't let him try anything for fear he will throw a fit or fail. failing it part of life.
And we are dealing with SS6 and his memory. Which is like a gold fish. Yesterday he forgot his backpack, and we looked for it like mad he still has no clue where it is. But I am not sure if he is just lazy and forgets because it doesn't matter BM will swoop in and fix it/find it/ take care of it. Or if there is really an issue. So yesterday we took away his video games for forgetting in hopes that he will get better at remembering if there is a consequences (at least at our house). BF is ready for parent teacher conference, if the teacher doesn't say anything BF is going to ask if she thinks he has a memory problem.
I ask him a lot why do/did you let her do that? She can't legally do much without his permission according to the divorce. If he says no and she does it anyway he can to take her to court. But whatever, I try to stay out of it but I am allowed to question her intelligence. hehe.
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I have wondered that a
I have wondered that a million times, not just about my DH but about a lot of the men on this site. It seems like every day someone is posting about there DH leaving all the birthday/christmas/holiday buying up to a stepmom and if we don't do it, who does? Before we all came along did these men buy gifts for there children? Did homework get done? It seems like these men and there children were all in a void waiting for some woman to step up, fill the void, and become a slave like person........no pay, crappy hours, and no thanks......
My DH did just fine on his
My DH did just fine on his own.
My mother was stunned the other day to learn that he takes responsibility for sending things like birthday cards to his parents. (Love the 60's housewife mentality.) Um, mom, because they're HIS parents, we BOTH work FT, and if I'm gonna live in a man's world, then he can live in a woman's world.
Now, I do handle most of the cooking. Primarily because my work hours have me home first. I can still have dinner hot and ready on the table when he comes home.
I think a lot of the men posted about on here are "useless" or "helpless" because they know their woman will step in and handle it for him. Neccessity can be a big motivator.
Aaargh. I kinda think it's a
Aaargh. I kinda think it's a red flag if you've got to wonder how someone managed before you came along. No criticism intended, SisterNeko, I personally ignored that red flag for a couple of years.
In many ways, it was probably to Bozo's advantage that I did and he's probably a little better or stronger because of it. In our case, we were just way mismatched. I resented his foot dragging or unquestioning willingness to float along forever after in the 'void.' He resented my impatience to move forward more quickly and measure our progress by concrete results.
To me, floating along in the 'void' left us too vulnerable to anyone's but our own control. To him, my insisting upon results meant he/we might be held responsible for his/our choices. I don't mind being held responsible for my choices, even if I have made a bad choice, mistake or fell flat in my efforts. Some people are totally repulsed at the thought of making mistakes, much less owning up to them. I guess to them it amounts to confessing weakness. To me, not confessing weakness is about the biggest Achilles Heel anyone could attempt to walk on. (shrug)
My FDH handled everything on
My FDH handled everything on his own as well ... in fact, I think I must drive him nuts because I hold him to a higher standard of neatness in the house! He always complains to me that his ex did not clean or straighten up and he had to do it all on top of working. He kept up with laundry - but it might stay in the basket for a long time. He washed the dishes, but they might not get put away for a few days. He didn't clean the house/bathrooms/kitchen as often as they likely needed it, but he did it.
Well I move in and I CLEAN! I cannot stand things left lying all over the place, dishes on the counter that could go in the dishwasher. And the stepkids are not crippled... they are old enough and capable of contributing to keeping the place neat. I don't expect them to scrub floors, but come on, they can put a cup in the dishwasher!
FDH is not great about getting his family gifts, cards, etc. I don't step in there, as I don't expect him to do it for my family either. However, when it comes to his own kids, he is OUT OF CONTROL. He would not have the money to do this stuff if it was not for me living here, so this makes me resentful.
Who does the cleaning in the house is probably the one area we tend to argue about, because I end up feeling like the maid a lot of the time. He thinks because he does yard work, I should be solely responsible for cleaning the house. However; I do not feel that I should have to clean up after the lazy, entitled kids. They don't lift a finger because their parents trained them to be that way.
Oh, the never-ending battles of StepHood...
They say you look for your
They say you look for your own father in your mate - damn you dad!
I do understand that I am dating a 'man-child' lol but I blame my father for it, because he was too. Growing up my mother did EVERYTHING for him until my sister and I got old enough and then we did stuff for him too, but he also worked like 60 hours a week (much like BF). OMG i am dating my father...
But when is comes to making 'family' choices I like his input but getting it is like pulling teeth and I have said many times when asked what he should do about the boys - "it's not my place" or "it up to you they are you kids."
And I have even gone so far as to point out that many if he was involved he and BM wouldn't have all of the issues they are having with the boys.