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This is my first blog anywhere, anytiime. This is what my step kids have driven me to!!!

princessandthepee's picture

Submitted by princessandthepee on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 1:16am

I didn't know how to do a blog five minutes ago. My two boys are perfect (ha, ha, jk). His two teenagers - AWFUL! No kidding there, unfortunately. Although I'm far from a teenager now, I do have vague recollections of being one, and his two blow my mind. They are hideous creatures. They swear at him, treat my elementary age children as if they are invisible, leave dishes and garbage everywhere. My husband and I used to enjoy having a glass of wine together, but his sixteen year old son will drink anything in the house that's uncorked, including Japanese cooking wine. I had to laugh a bit at that, hard to imagine the stamina to drink that and what he felt like the next day.
Princess has her college, dorm, and food plan fully paid by my husband, and now by me. She has her hand out every week to gas up her monster truck, eat sushi, go tanning and get her nails done. Not to mention her expectation that we fund her dance line shoes, etc. She is twenty, has class one-three hours per day and has just done 'everything she can to find a job. That's all that can be done for now.' When she realized the gig was really up, guess who cries to Dad she injured her knee and off he goes to the rescue. Princess won't even have to look for a job for how many months? And Dad is so easily manipulated into the role of being protective and sympathetic because their mom is a manifesto of axis II mental illness.
And now, onto the son. He is sullen, morose, and has his sister on a pedestal. She manipulates him into this stance continually, but it's going to take him years to realize this. It's them against the world, and guess who gets to be Hades.
They both treat my children as if they are vermin, and while I love my husband deeply, I find myself having to consider that the presence of his children is harmful to the point where I cannot expose my young sons to this.
I've been through a nasty first husband, an awful divorce, continual legal issues with my kids' drug addicted dad and I've seen it all through. I worry these step kids are going to break me, teenagers have so much energy for negativity and they seem incapable of reason. I'm all for egocentricness age appropriately, and can appreciate adjustment issues. But WTF???? This is awful!

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 6:56am

I agree you should keep your kids away from these toxic kids. Sorry, but you need to protect your children. I think you will find lots of support here and not feel so isolated anymore. I have to say if it weren't for this place, I probably would not have made it this far. Knowing you are not evil, but that there is something terribly wrong with most of these kids and ex spouses, as well as many of our DHs (guilty daddy), helps tremendously.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 7:06am

I hear you with the 'guilty daddy' thing. We have twins who made 18 but what a hell of a time I had watching the situations. I disengaged, let DH see for himself! Telling husbands about these issues is a complete waste of time, they are biased and sometimes take it as a personal attack on their ability to parent....yep guilty daddys your secrets are out so STOP already!

When DH commented to me that he really did not know where all the venom from SKids came from, and he could not justify it, I had to inform him that I knew very well where it came from. BM did the whole parent alienation thing and I think that is one of the most insidious things anyone can do to a child.

Do you think that he will ever see the light? I'm with Druzilla...being able to vent here is a huge help. Seriously, venting to guilty daddy husbands really gets us NOWHERE! SKids do not have the maturity to even think they are doing wrong, because they are entitled little brats!

If money is an issue then you can remain calm and express concerns that your two could possibly grow to to consider him to be an ATM or a pushover too, and the conflicts that might cause in the future. YOU do NOT, and emphasise this poing...calmly...want your children to become so disrespectful towards him. Ask him what he thinks of any long term effects?
If money is not an issue then I'd just let it be, ask him if he'll do likewise with your two when they get to that age and let them have at it! You can teach your own kids how to respect others, regardless of how badly his kids behave...use them as an example! As your kids grow you can remind them that they are good kids and ask them to look and see what being 'spoiled brats' makes kids into? Ask them if they really want others to feel the same way about them, if they have any jealousy or ill feelings, as they feel about their step siblings? There are a ton of ways to deal with these situations, while a lot of the situations are the same the people in them are not so come on in and VENT here and if you find what works for you here then have at it girl. I find that just knowing I am not on my own with this crap really, really, helps.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 11:01am

Welcome! I think if my skids were that bad, I'd have to be honest with DH and flat out tell him I'm done with the attitude and coddling of his children. That they treat yours poorly and you need to keep your children's best interest in mind. Then I'd completely disengage from all of it. No money for skids no favors no cooking cleaning nothing. Nada zip.

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 11:06am

Hello! I also think that you should keep your kids at a distance between them and Drunkie & Princess. You can read my profile but a little backround: I actually have a nuclear family, been married 28 yrs 3 kids, but both of us come from step situations and I also have psuedo SS, CTBB.(Champagne Taste on a Beer Budget.)CTBB lived w/ us off and on from the age of 6 to 22, at age 16 he had to come to us (or go to juvie)becaude his pot pipe set a patch of woods on fire.(I know I know, it wasn't funny at the time tho!) I guess I'm a little different from other posters in that I don't wait for my husbands "permission" to lay down rules, I just did it. It's caused a lot of fights, but when it comes to my house and the safety/comfort of MY kids, TS,there's rules and you WILL adhere to them! He could manipulate DH (he's more like a son to DH then a nephew, long story) all he wanted, but I dealt with him directly when it came to MY rules. It was kinda a separated parenting situation but it worked for us, and since I could implement my rules I didn't resent CTBB as much as I could have. So I guess my advice is set some boundries and stick w/ them, sometimes these thick headed men respond better when we TELL and don't ASK! Good luck and God bless.