Feeling blah
SD7 has been bugging the crap outta me lately. The past few days I haven't wanted to see her and have a strong urge to shove her away when she touches me. She's really not a bad kid...just usual kid stuff (believe me, SO has no qualms about disciplining her). What I realized though is that all the things that have been bugging me, like her asking questions constantly, informing me that she looks kinda like me, wanting me to stop what I'm doing to look at something she's doing, even interrupting adult conversations (pet peeve!)are mostly done because she wants to hang out with me. I shouldn't get so annoyed with her. I know she adores me and is making sure she has my acceptance and approval, and I do care about and love her, but sometimes I just want to be kid free.
I most likely would not have moved in with SO if I had known SD was going to come stay permanently one month later. *Background info -> SD was supposed to come for the summer, which I was aware of. What neither SO nor I knew was that BM had already abondoned SD with strangers who then transferred SD to SD's grandma and now...voila! I had already told SO I didn't want children of my own any time soon because I was still too selfish for all that. I want my weekends back (SO works most of the weekend). God sure does have an interesting sense of humor!
Anyway, it's been about three months now and the custody hearing for SO to get full custody is set for Nov 7th. I fully doubt BM will even show up as we heard she recently moved several states away and doesn't call to check in on SD anyway. I'm still getting used to the situation, but SO has been very supportive of me and my feelings. SO and I have been talking about marriage a lot lately, so I suppose I need to learn to shelve my feelings of resentment. Ultimately this will be my family and I am in charge of how I let things affect my mood. Like I said, SD is not a bad kid...I don't have any horror stories like some of you do. I just wasn't ready to go into parent-mode so soon.
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Agreed! The only thing BM has
Agreed! The only thing BM has called/texted SO about is some Xbox of hers that she thinks we have (we don't). She cares more about that stupid Xbox than her own kid! At least there are a couple sets of grandparents close by who will keep SD for a weekend every so often. Life/sanity savers!
I'm glad SO is being
I'm glad SO is being supportive of your feelings. I think many times SO/DHs don't understand, so we feel we have to hide our feelings and then resentment builds up. By expressing your feelings, you have a chance to actually FEEL them and hopefully work through them. Give it time. This is a new situation for everybody. I know it's not what you expected, but that's always a chance when you're with somebody with kids. Just thank God the child loves you and wants to be with you. I imagine she's feeling pretty bad right now because her "mom" abandoned her. She may even be blaming herself. That might cause her to really try and win your approval so you don't leave her too. Poor kid.
I hope over time you all become comfortable with your new "family"!
Thank you for your comment;
Thank you for your comment; it's nice to have encouragement from people who have been in the same situation. Just being on here and knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings/situation has made a world of difference
Don't overlook the possiblity
Don't overlook the possiblity that you may be in mourning over losing the lifestyle you thought you had. Grieving is a process and takes time to work through the stages. Just like death, the circumstance you find yourself in isn't (entirely) of your chosing. It may be helpful to google "grieving process" and see if it reasonates with you. And, I read somewhere that gaining a new family member is in the top 15 most stressful life events. Sometimes we beat ourselves up for not being able to "roll with the punches" in a chipper mood without taking the time to realize that the situation is legitimately a big deal and, of course, will cause emotional turmoil.
I feel for you, your SO and the poor little girl.
Yes, I'm trying to see this
Yes, I'm trying to see this as an opportunity to have a positive outcome on SD's life. It's sad to me that I'm the better parent option than her own mother. And even though I gripe, I do know that I'm pretty lucky. The trouble with having a bit of free time for me is that I work full time during the week and go to school and SO goes to school and works *mostly* on the weekends, so it's hard to find a day that's free of any obligations. My best friend and I had a girl's night last night though and it was AWESOME. Again, thank you all for your support and words of wisdom!
Draco - one word "benadryl".
Draco - one word "benadryl".
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
And Star - maybe you could do what worked for me and my exSS. He was a rambunctious boy, and as big as me. I went online and looked for mommy and me groups - but for older kids. I found some activities where the kid woudl go with me, adn all the moms and dads congregated in another area. some read by themselves, some sat and had coffee, one lady chatted on the phone EVERYTIME. We did this on Saturdays - met at our local mcdonalds. It was a new one, and had a HUGE indoor play area and was really really nice. On other days we met at the park.
The kiddo would be hanging out "with me" but not right up under me and I got some much needed grown up time.
i didn't feel so angry at him either when we got home, because his energy levels were down and I was a bit more at peace.
I need to find something like
I need to find something like that for days when it's just me and SD. Her energy levels are through the roof, and my energy levels are decidedly under the roof.