You are here

The Joys of the Princess.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 12:26pm

I tell my BF often that sometimes i wish i could be his ex wife. She has it pretty good. My best friend often tells me that too. "I wish i was BF's Ex! She doesn't have to do sh*t!" OH i know dear, i know...

They have been seperated for 4 years now. The first 2 years she let him believe that their marriage could be fixed if he kept doing everything that she asked. Like buy her front row tickets to several concerts, give her all his income but 500$, even though they weren't living together, and then pay for a boob job. He told her No on the boob job and so she finally filed for divorce. She was no longer in control and she knew it.

She asked for the house, all 3 vehicles, everything in the home, and sole custody of the kids. On top of 6K a month. After a long and horrid mediation she now has their 300K house, a paid off car, no debt, 1,000 in child support (total), 1,500 in alimoney, and everything in the house. He recieved a chair, 1/2 the tools, Joint custody of the kids, his truck that he had before their marriage, the denali, and all of their debt... Yes all of it. Every credit card, the car payments, the loans, everything. And the divorce still isn't final.

They were both asked to take a class and while he did she hasn't. To busy she says. She isn't working and all of the kids are in school full time?? So what the hell is she so busy with that she can't take a 2 hour class?

I don't understand how someone can be so lazy.

Comments

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 12:42pm

I'm curious...given your story, how did he get joint custody of the kids? And how can he be around your 2 year old? I thought that was a no-no. :?

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:07pm

He's a great dad for starters. He goes above and beyond whats asked of, and required of him to make sure his family and those he cares about are taken care of. He made a mistake like so many of us do. No one is perfect. I have been to counseling with him and i have spoken with those that have been put in charge of "watching" him. Not even his Ex believes he will offend again. He can be around my 2 year old because he's adopting him. Because in our eyes and the eyes of those that know us, He is my son's dad. He's all my son has ever known. He knows what he did was wrong. He pays for it everyday. If for a second, anyone in our courts system, or his supervisors, or even his Ex, thought that he was putting himself or those around him, children and adults alike, in any kind of danger, his children would be taken out of the situation.

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:09pm

I guess we'll just have to disagree. I don't think sex offenders make good dads and are just guilty of a "mistake."
Will our court system actually allow him to ADOPT a child?? Dear Lord, I hope not.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 1:16pm

I've found in my five years (almost) of being on this site that trollers love starting off replies/posts with "just curious" or "i'm curious."

A word to the wise.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:11pm

Thank you Smile I know that my situation is difficult for some to understand. And im so used to the shock and the hate. I just came here to get some insight so i can better help these kids, and myself, in dealing with the drama of Ex's and problems that arise with Step-anythings.

WHERESMYWART's picture

Submitted by WHERESMYWART on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 1:16pm

Usually when we think of sex offender, the image of a child molestor and such comes into mind. You don't have to give us more details if you don't want, but it would help us to understand your situation a little more so we can try to give you better advice. Always here if you need someone to vent to regardless.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:22pm

Of course. He was convicted for getting lude pictures from his step daughter. She isn't some tramarized little lamb either. She refused counseling, and has kept her 4.0 GPA. She still loves him and considers him her dad. I know that if i went into more detail on her part of this, that many would be in an uproar. Their relationship is still intact, if that helps. If he was this evil villan lurking in the shadows, I doubt that anyone would allow them to speak to each other. If he was as sinister as some want to believe, then she wouldn't still speak to him.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Submitted by stepfamilyfriend on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 12:13pm

Actually, our old landlord was convicted for hiding a video cam in his 16 year old daughter's bathroom. He had previously been caught by his wife playing with himself to a picture of their daughter. He is not allowed to see her, or the other daughter, but they friends on FB and she she seems all cool with it and misses him and it's not that big a deal.
I beg to differ. Just because a step daughter, or daughter, a teen, seems ok and still wants a relationship with the perv. does not mean they are ok . It may take this girl years to fully realize the impact something like this has had on her life. The one I know, was always flirting with older men ( now we know why) and one day she will get it too.
I don't want to make you feel bad, but what you are telling us seems serious and maybe you know it fully, or maybe you are glossing it over. The fact that you say the girl is OK, seems to tell me that you are not fully aware of the timelines of how this affects someone.
Someone who went as far as he did, may well have a brand of sexuality that responds to that kind of thing, and studies say that does not really change. Apparently, at best, he'll keep at bay acting it out, but being with someone that is wired that way would worry me, even if he never acts out on it again.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 1:20pm

Not all the details of this have been given, your correct. But giving a recap and details of the offence does no good. It starts arguments, threats, and hate mail. She is not a traumatized little lamb. I have no doubt that there are some scars from the incident though. We (her dad, and his parents) have offered on several occasions to pay for counseling. That offer will last her whole life. Her mother thinks that its unacceptable, and has declined our offer for her on several occasions as well. When She's ready it will be there for her. I only mentioned that he was an offender so i could get honest advice in my inquiries. Obviously were a different type of family then most are used to. Which makes our situation a bit more strained.

I understand all too well those that have been abused. And I would like to believe that I have a bit better understanding of offenders as well. I have had to go through a lot in my short life. My brother is serving time in a WY Prison for sex crimes.(not associated with anyone in our family) That is an appropriate place for him and IF he is ever released, he will no doubt need to be sent back there. He was acting out from the age of 13. I understand this a lot more then I am given credit for. NOW… that being said. PLEASE do not assume that I went into this blindly or that I continue to turn a blind eye on anything that could be a threat to our family. FH, kids, and self included.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 2:00pm

I could NEVER let my child child around a man like that. EVER! Not to mention what you did to your last husband was wrong.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:29pm

Since you don't know more about my previous relationship i can only assume that you would have been one of those that threw broken glass at my son and tried to run my family off the road. I have had my share of guilt about his death. His end was his choice. I regret that we lost him, and that so many still suffer over his death. He made his choices in life and i will not hold myself responsible for his actions. This was a post to seek advice about significant others that are still tethered to their Ex. Not a chance for narrow minded people to ridicule over something that they will never understand.

helena_brass's picture

Submitted by helena_brass on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:38pm

Don't come on here with your crazy-ass story and call others narrow-minded when they call it like they see it.

You want advice? He needs to get the divorce legally completed and finalized. Duh. He's somebody else's husband at the moment. That's not his EX. That's still currently his wife. He's not adopting your son. He's still married. You want more detailed advice? See a lawyer.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:57pm

Your really good at stating facts. Especially facts that i already stated. Not so good on the advice bit.

wickedstepqueen's picture

Submitted by wickedstepqueen on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 3:44pm

I am speechless. You say that he is a sex offender. I think any sort of sex offence against any woman, child, or man is reprehensible. There is absolutely NO explanation imho that can justify a sex offence.

I feel sorry for your son and his kids. You have a choice right now to do right by your son and leave him.

Sorry if I sound harsh.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:33pm

Thats your honest oppion, and your welcome to it. Im not leaving him. Wouldn't dream of it. I pray that no one in your life ever commits any act of sexual deviancy. That your life is nothing but kittens and rainbows. Reality: there is alot more grey in this life. Not just the black you think you see, and the white you think you live.

Oi Vey's picture

Submitted by Oi Vey on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 9:51pm

"I pray that no one in your life ever commits any act of sexual deviancy."

Yeah, um, I pick my associates a little better than that.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 5:36pm

Still haven't recieved any advice or suggestions about how to cope with or handle, his exwife and her being unable or willing to get their divorce over with... since that is what this post was about...

ell's picture

Submitted by ell on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 6:02pm

oh, wow, get this...i just read that he was sent pics from his step daughter. guess what, an acquaintance of mine just did that at the beginning of the year or so. she was 14 maybe at the time. she was sending them to lots of people, though. i guess the friend of the step dad was sent them and he sent them to the step dad. is this a coincidence? anyway, if it's not the same family it just goes to show that it is common, and that the guy isn't all bad. unless he took the pics...another story. and probably not our place to judge? anyway, everyone calm down. she's entitled to advice. she's entitled to get it without being attacked,or judged, ahem, or attacking others. now i see on here a lot that people outright say they hate children all day every day. to any normal person who happens to hop on here on accident, we are all the devil, lol. we're all a little evil sometimes, i think. so yeah, calm down and let's get back to the reason we're all here...to talk. he he, i'm curious...

ell's picture

Submitted by ell on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 6:10pm

what advice are you looking for, exactly? how to get her to take the classes? the judge is supposed to do that, i thought.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 6:34pm

Thank you I appreciate that. I apologize to all those that I got a little hot headed with. I take this every day, and it exhausting at times. Doesn’t mean I’m willing to change our “situation” and leave him. Not the topic I was getting at. I don’t think it was the same family though. But your right he is a good guy.

They didn’t have to go to court, because they settled in mediation. She is just supposed to take this class, you know, be responsible for herself. Other then my BF, she doesn’t have anyone or anything pushing her to do so. Were wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation, or even knows what we could do to persuade her to get this done. She is extremely self absorbed and if she doesn’t see this benefiting her immediately then she’ll put it off forever.

I was actually told that maybe we should bribe her with $$ if she does it by this Friday, then we’ll give her 50. Sounds childish to me, but were getting desperate.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 7:04pm

Thats not a bad idea at all! Thank you. I can't believe we haven't thought of that. We keep turning to the lawyer, but of course its more $$ each time we need him. We'll look into that thank you Smile

I love that quote by the way. I think i needed to be reminded of that.

ell's picture

Submitted by ell on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 6:50pm

i didn't realize you could do divorce stuff through a mediation practice. learn something new every day. what's the class for? is it a class she would have to pay for? tell her you'll pay for it if she goes.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 7:06pm

Yeah after they signed the mediation agreement then they had to attend the class and send the papers to a judge to sign. Well it keeps surfacing in the judge's paper work, but then sent to the back again when she doesn't attendt the class.

ell's picture

Submitted by ell on Mon, 09/26/2011 - 7:10pm

ooh, and i wonder if she is aware of this happening. and you're paying every time you go to the court date to finalize it? or no? if so, i'd ask for someone to pay the fees.

Not-until-you-walk-in-my-shoes's picture

Submitted by Not-until-you-w... on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 12:00pm

She is aware. She, i guess, just decided she doesn't care. As far as we know no new fees have been added due to her laziness. At least not for him to pay anyways. Thankfully. Its just been a very long and demanding wait. This has been on going for over a year. I can't understand why someone who asked for a divorce is dragging there feet, now that their request is just out of their grasp. Do you think that by putting it off, she could be gaining something?