I don't know what to do about my dad's girlfriends.
My mom passed away when I was thirteen. I'm eighteen now. My mom was an incredible person and mother. I've never met anyone who was willing to give more than her. I love her to this day, and I miss and think about her often.
That said. My dad started dating again a while ago. He has had a few girlfriends. One of them got serious. She even moved in. She almost tore my family apart. She would lie to my dad and tell him that my sister and I were doing things that we weren't. She had a key made so that she could get into my room and would go through my things and show stuff to my dad, and she would blame things that her kids would do on my sister and I. She took down the pictures of my mother that were hanging in the house, even the ones in my sister and I's bedrooms. My parents even had an old fashion picture taken soon after I was born. It was my dad's favorite because my mom looked simply beautiful. She had my dad take a picture with her and then put hers up and took theirs down. She would get angry if my sister and I talked about my mom, and once even left the dinner table after I mentioned how much I missed my mom's cooking. She would get angry if my father went to the cemetery. I was thankful when my father finally asked her to leave our home.
My father dated a few girls after that, and none of them clicked with him. Then, he met the woman he is with now. She has moved in with us, and seems unbelievably nice. I can easily see how my father fell in love with her, because in a lot of ways she has a similar personality to my mother. Her and I get along well, and I believe that I can trust her. However, she is ready for a different type of relationship than I am willing to have. She tells my younger sister and I that she loves us. And I get that she cares about us, and I hope that one day her and I will be able to have an extremely close relationship, and I wish the same for her and my sister, but I'm just not ready.
Also, without my mom being around anymore, I know that it will be easier for her to fall into the "motherhood role." Especially since she has no daughters of her own. How do I draw that line when the time comes? I don't want to hurt her feelings.
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How long have she and your
How long have she and your Dad been together?
Only a few months, which is
Only a few months, which is why it was so odd that they are living together. But I can see in the way that they are together that they love each other. And I really think she might be the right person for him, and after seeing how much he has struggled with my mother's passing over the last five years, I wouldn't do anything to jeopordize him being happy.
Hi qt, I'm so sorry for your
Hi qt,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Maybe consider having a 'family meeting" with you, your dad's gf, Dad and your sister? Ask everyone what they want from this situation and hopefully you all can have a calm discussion on how you all can reach a reasonable, fair middle ground for everyone.
Also, if your dad's gf asks you to do something with her, take her up on it. I suggest this because, seeing as you're a legal adult who is independent/nearing independence, it can be easier for you two to build a workable relationship.
Before you do that, though, I think it might be good to have that family/group meeting ASAP and listen to how SM (your dad's gf) feels. It sounds like you are both nice, fair-minded people so hopefully, this meeting can pave the way for you both to find common ground and become closer in the future.
Best of luck to you, and I hope to hear more from you in the future.
Think of it in this way- and
Think of it in this way- and when the time comes, you can explain it in this way also. You are a grown woman, who grew up with loving and treasured memories of your mother. She is one of a kind and can not ever be replaced. That said, you know as a reasonable adult that your father deserves to find happiness, friendship, and companionship. Your father has gained a new best friend and you are unsure where your place in that relationship lies. Let her know that you respect her as a person and that you are very glad that she makes your father so happy, if she truly loves your father, she will understand that she can't "replace" your mother. Most (and by most, I mean every one I have ever known) stepmothers NEVER seek to take the BM place! If you think of this woman as a warm and caring person that you have befriended, that friendship is an excellent place to be! I can't tell you the number of SM that would be over the moon for a chance at friendship with a SKid! If you are leary of this woman overstepping the boundaries of friendship, be honest about it. I respect that you can confront and isolate the feelings and fears that you are having, and if she is as caring as she sounds- then her friendship is one to be treasured by both you and your father!
Good luck