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its always my fault

cnaweston's picture

Submitted by cnaweston on Fri, 08/12/2011 - 3:16am

So I told my DW my issues with ss11 and what does she do? Tells me its my fault. I haven't earned their respect. Really??? Im so tired of everything always being my fault. I have completely given up I really don't know how much more I can take. My heart is broken. All im asking for is a little respect is that so bad. I dint see how I got turned into the step parent from hell. Im very good to both the kids and I've never even raised my voice to them. I don't see this relationship lasting much longer if DW doesn't see that her little angels aren't so perfect

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Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Fri, 08/12/2011 - 3:51am

This is a common phenomenon that step parents have to deal with, ie their partner dumping the blame on them because they haven't bonded with the SKIDS. Actually though, if you read the book "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin it states that it is usually down to the attitude and behaviour of the bio parents, as to whether the step manages to make a relationship with the SKIDS. I do recommend you read this book, as even if you end up splitting up, you will not leave the relationship with a burden of guilt, feeling like you have messed up, to take into your next relationship. I looked at your details and see that you are 20 years old. It is young to be dealing with step issues, you have done well to try - don't feel bad, its not your fault.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 08/12/2011 - 7:12am

Absolutely agree with you on this one! my dh threw out the whole-"you have to earn his respect" thing with me a few years back with ss13 and I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. Really? What more could I do to earn his respect than to assist in providing for his every need? Raising him since he was 1 year old? Potty training him? Go to his games, taking him to practices, helping with homework? Gee, what else is needed before I earn this incredibly disrespecful little kid's respect.

I work with a lot of kids and see constantly that they have no respect for anyone. Not their elders, not each other, nor themselves. Sad really that this is what the world is coming to. I teach my bios that they should respect everyone they come in contact with and they should always act in a manner in which they can respect themselves.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Submitted by frustratedstepdad on Fri, 08/12/2011 - 10:01am

Yep, this is very common in this day and age. Three of the four of my adult SD's are like this. They don't seem to show respect for anybody, not even themselves and that's why I know they will be failures in life. They are all in their 20's and I know that's it may be premature to say they are doomed to failure but they are. Everytime one of them gets a job they end up quitting/getting fired because it's always the bosses fault. The boss just has it in for them...blah blah blah. Truth of the matter is that it's THEIR fault, and it's same reason why I have constant conflicts with these same three. DW never taught them how to respect anybody, all three have issues when dealing an authority figure.

When I was in basic training, the drill sargeant told us all "You guys are too used to your parents sucking on your dicks all the time, well I'm gonna break you of that." I thought it was a harsh thing to say at the time, but now that I have to deal with SKIDS he was EXACTLY right. Like others have said, there is way too much child adoration going on this country and it's creating a generation of me-first, entitled, disrespectful BRATS.

As a stepdad I have definitely been in your shoes, and if you don't put your foot down now, it will get even worse as your SS gets older. Your DW is full of it and you don't have to earn any respect from a damn 11 year old. You're right the relationship definitely won't last too long if she doesn't wake up.