How does BM have the control in MY HOUSE!!!
So, BM has been saying for two months now that SS isn't allowed over to our house because she thinks I am "unstable, mean", etc! SS has been going home for sometime now fabricating lies and of course everyone believes them....don't account the fact that SS is a problem child- not just at my house, but at school and the bus and in his own neighborhood!!!! But, when the comments are made about me- all hell breaks loose!
We have SS for a month in the summer- this summer it got broken into two weeks here, two weeks there. Well, the next two weeks has just started. Since all this crap has come up and everyone believes an 8yr old over me...BM has been asking my future hubby how is he going to make this work? Saying things to my fiance like "you pay the bills, you tell that bit** to get the F out!" She wants me nowhere near her son. All because I am the disciplinary unit and SS hates me....what's new? Not taking into consideration fiance and I have 2 other kids of our own to throw into all this. (3 and 7)
Long story short, I volunteered to take my two kids on vacation while my fiance had SS, starting yesterday. Trying to be nice... So I packed us all up and started to head out, when all of a sudden my car started acting up. I had to come back home. It was not safe and not driveable. My fiance had to call BM to let her know that we were back home bc of my car so she didn't find out from SS that he saw me- BM FLIPPED out and I mean flipped out! Screaming, cussing etc. Saying this is all my fault, she is not going to be sympathetic to me, etc. Also saying she has the last 9 mo documented and if I don't get the F out of the house then she will call the cops and have fiance and I both thrown in jail and call CPS on me. WHAT?? I mean what on earth could she have documented? That SS doesn't like me?, um- ok! Have fun with that in court! So, my kids and I ended up having to spend the night across the street at our neighbors house because BM is that crazy that she will come knocking at my door to see if I am around her kid. I am basically banned from my own house, as are my kids! WTF?! I am beyond furious, my parents are furious- ugh.
Anyway, fiance keeps apologizing to me saying BM is just trying to split us up (when BM is happily married with another kid). So as we speak, fiance is at work, SS is spending the night with grandma- so my 2 kids and I are at our house, but in a day we will be uprooted again!...and on top of all this- my car is in the shop!! I am having to bounce back and forth from my neighbors house to mine. Oh, last night I needed to get something from my house and I basically had to sneak in so SS wouldnt hear or see me.
I told fiance today that I love him, but I feel I will never be enough. What a freaking nightmare. :jawdrop:
- JJlove's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
And more importantly, by you
And more importantly, by you leaving, it implies guilt! A person who has done nothing wrong, has nothing to hide, does not go stay at the neighbors house!! Don't let this woman and SS dictate when you are "allowed" to be in your own home. Don't let her CPS threats scare you either, I mean you said you have two other children who are obviously well cared for...
I agree with allmitchell.
I agree with allmitchell. Don't let any of them drive you from your own home!
Yep that is not right if she
Yep that is not right if she dont want you around him, then dont send him over there! If anything.....Your future DH needs to leave and go visit him somewhere then come back home, and let you and the kids stay in YOUR home. And when BM starts complaining that your Hubby is not spending enought time with him, tell her thats her fault! But what did your ss say that was so bad she threatened to call police and all that? Take a look at some of my old blogs, i went through something similar a while back..The first mistake was you made was leaving! Because once you start doing what BM wants its a pain to say "Hey this is not right, I am going back to how it was" all hell will break loose!
Another thing dont do
Another thing dont do anything concerning ss, let DH do everything from feeding to drop offs and etc....Be polite and say hello and goodnight and stuff, but dont do anything! if push comes to shove, have a video recorder on....thats drastic....BUT it will only prove that the boy is lying about what is happening
OMG! sound like my BM! My BM
OMG! sound like my BM! My BM sent my husband a vague text saying that ss20 wanted to come visit. So fast forward two weeks and guess who just shows up at the door. Yup. ss20. No communication like "im coming on x day at x time or anything". But, the little ingrate had to wait outside for four hours because I had the locks changed and left no spare outside. HaHa. 105 degree weather. Next time call first......Of course my husband saw nothing wrong with this....
I agree with others-you need
I agree with others-you need to stop leaving your own home. My ss told stories on me for years. So what? As far as I was concerned bm could stop sending him over here. If ss tried to pull the, "I am going to tell my mom" I was like, "feel free to call her right now."
This is ridiculous to uproot your kids-it's also ridiculous to give this child so much power. This will only encourage him to lie even more as it gets him the desired result. Your dh should be disciplining this kid if he is telling lies not rewarding him by giving him one on one daddy time. And I agree that he should not even be listening to bm. Hang up on her.
Pretty typical. The Behemoth
Pretty typical. The Behemoth denied GG visitation at my house the first few months; really aided her in her PAS campaign as well. Although I'm an experienced and successful parent, she wrote a three page hand written diatribe about how I was "not fit to glance upon HER babies."
Part of the problem is the BM views the children as solely her "property." Should ask her if it was a VIRGINAL conception!
The BM is committing the emotional abuse of PAS. In a perfect world she would be prosecuted for it, lose custody permanently and perhaps withheld from visitation until completion of extensive mental health counseling. If she starts up again after the counseling, she would lose all visitation, be forced to sign her parental rights away and be sterilized as a common child abuser.
The best thing would for biodad to stand up to her and take her to court for contempt of the court ordered parenting time. Where you live determines on what type of success you have. If you live in any of the militantly pro-golden uterus states of the U.S. like CA, MA, NJ, and NY, the BM will most likely get her way.
No way should you be forced out of your own home. This is setting a dangerous precedent. Biodad is teaching his children that BMs rule and daddys drool. And he's also teaching them how NOT to have an adult spousal relationship with another adult (you.)
By me volunteering to leave,
By me volunteering to leave, I was just trying to help my fiance out. He's crushed that he can't have his own kid over to the house because of me...(whatever)..but honestly was willing to leave out of good intentions. It's not about me cowering to BM, but just trying to help my fiance.
In the end though....I'm getting screwed and you are all right!!!!!!
SS has told BM that I've called him names, and said things under my breath, I'm mean, I give him dirty looks, I dont love him like I love my son, etc. Well, SS,8 comes over and ALWAYS hurts my son and on July 4th an "accident" happened where SS shot a slingshot toy into my sons eye when no one was looking. Ended up having 2 huge scratches on his eye, numerous dr. visits, etc. So did I call him a dumbass under my breath....maybe so!? But I recall a time where last year BM was having so many problems with SS that she came to me and was bawling saying she hated her son and doesn't know what to do with him!!!! But somehow I am the bad guy in all this! Im the easy target to blame! SS also thinks that BM's house is bugged and I can hear everything that goes on over there because there was an instance about two yrs ago where SS told BM something...BM told my fiance and my fiance told me. I then addressed it with SS. Apparently by me doing that- that shattered all trust he had with everyone! So, of course it all falls back on me!
I really just want to say FU, and I'm not leaving anymore and she can figure it out! But, I know by doing that- it will just cause more problems for my fiance.
I feel like I'm just looking out for FH feelings more than my own.
Oh my! IMHO…everyone here is
Oh my! IMHO…everyone here is handling this wrong. You need to stay home, tell SS you are sorry for whatever you may have done to him, and then everyone relax and enjoy the evening. When/if BM finds out you are there, DH need to tell her to F off. And if she comes to his house, he will have her arrested.
I also get that you are hard on the kids, but really, let DH handle his own kid that way you are not in the middle of the discipline. It is hard to watch, but it is the only thing that will help.
Wait, I just thought of something…do you have a legal order to stay away from the skid or BM? That would be the only reason I could see why you would leave.
I've also failed to mention
I've also failed to mention that I just found out that somehow or another the child support hasn't gone through the AG office, so now BM is saying FH never gave her anything. I've worked in the AG's office and I know that now everything that has been paid will be considered "a gift". So now, BM has FH by the balls bc FH knows BM could throw his ass in jail if we do not what is asked. Apparently there is a high balance now and none of this would be happening if FH didn't owe BM money! She runs the show as far as FH is concerned. She can yank visitations and throw his ass in jail. I honestly think she would have no problem doing that just so SS wouldn't be around me....she is that "unstable"!
OMG! I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!!
LOL, My ex has paid a few
LOL, My ex has paid a few hundred dollars in CS in the last few years. The AG won't do crap to him. Even if I push it, he jsut gets a slap on the wrist.
Wow, she made you leave your
Wow, she made you leave your house??!!
Your FH is making thing hard for himself. He just gave BM the green light to treat him, you and your kids like trash.
Since he won't go toe to toe with her,you will have to.
F that! My house is my house!
F that! My house is my house! If my husband can't figure that out then he can leave. Are you really going to leave your house every time that kid comes over for the next ? years? What about holidays? What about your anniversary? "Family" vacations? Etc. Hell nah! That kids Dad needs to step up or be single.
I AM SO DONE! This situation
I AM SO DONE! This situation has gotten so out of hand. There is NO END IN SIGHT!! I've de-friended BM and her hubs on FB- DONE!!
I told FH I was not leaving the house bc of BM and SS and he said "Do you know what a problem that will cause? I'm just going to turn myself in so you can stay!" WTF!!! Not my problem about the money...Not my problem you married a crazy insane person....Not my problem SS can't come over here bc of the lies that HE fabricated....It IS my problem though however with BM threatning legal action (although i know it wont stand)- I have myself and two beautiful kids to look out for! This is not worth it. I'm taking back my life and no f'ing BM is going to tell me how and where to live it!!!!!!! Yes, it's going to suck for my 7 yr old and 3 yr old, but I'm moving in with my parents, getting a job and dealing with it. Nothing, and I mean nothing can be as bad as staying! If you have any suggestions on how to make this easier on my kids, please...tell me.
Call his bluff, hers and
Call his bluff, hers and SS's....Hey, if you have an exit plan I'd go for it! If he goes to jail you do not have to pay child support! He's trying to bluff you so that he does not have to make a stand. If you can get parents to watch kids you can work and stay in YOUR home. Call them all out! Let the cards fall where they may...I can tell you it's not easy, I know it's not! We had similar and I called BM out...told her to have at it and do her worst...guess what? Nada!! I'd be polite to ss, he's got a lot of learned behaviors and it really might not be all on him...PAS is a horrible thing to do to a child and I suspect jealous BM is fuelling his little mind here. Please do not hold it against a child. We had similar with SD and now SD is doing a little introspection as she gets older and the bigger picture is coming in more clearly to her now, I've said this before and I'll say it again, it's an awesome moment when SKids tell you you are right about stuff.
I wish you all the best, we already did have cops come and remove BM from our property on one occasion...she never set foot back here again! It really is a game of bluff but if you do what you say you'll do then she'll get the message!
Wow this is ridiculous! No
Wow this is ridiculous! No way in hell I would be leaving my home. As I like to tell people, the only outside people who will have control over my house are the people paying the mortgage. That's myself and my wife...PERIOD. Your husband needs to seriously man up, and just hang up when BM starts ranting. She has NO control over your household.