Update from yesterday's blog re: changing visitation...still have questions! Please answer!
FDH and BM decided to move to a true EOW schedule. Starting next Sunday, we will have SS3 Sunday-Sunday and then a week off. I asked FDH if he is thinking about modifying the stipulation to signify that it is now joint custody, or if he will call CS Enforcement Agency to see about lowering his child support. The stipulation/previous agreement we had was having SS3 5 days out of every 2 weeks -- BM fought and fought and fought FDH for 1.5 years with lawyers because FDH at that time wanted JOINT custody (truly wanted full custody but no way it would have been awarded so joint was next option). Because our state does NOT FAVOR joint custody EITHER, FDH was granted legal joint but under "extended visitation" since it was more than just EOWE. Anyway, BM fought and fought because of course that helped her to get more Child Support. And now OHHHH, she doesn't care whether or not she has her kid most of the time! hmmmmm, Imagine that.
I'm not sure what to think, because FDH said that he DOES NOT want to fight the child support thing, AND he doesn't want to get this change in official writing. He says what's the point? He also thinks that if we are moved to true joint custody and CS is rearranged, that we'll end up paying more because we'll have to cover half the medical expenses and pay half daycare costs. However, BM works for an insurance company and hardly pays anything for her premiums and copays and whatnot. SS3 is a pretty healthy kid. Currently we pay BM 560/month. Daycare costs 110/week. *I* think we would be paying much less a month than we do now, and IF something does happen that we need to cover medical costs, I imagine it would all even out generally.
I want to add here about the medical cost thing too, that if something big were to happen to SS -- like he needs a surgery -- and say the cost out of pocket is like $1,000. I KNOW wihtout a doubt that BM would ask FDH to help her with it, and that he would. GRRR...So his argument is null and void in my opinion!!
Here are my questions:
1. What are some things that could happen (negative) if we don't get this new visitation filed with our stipulation? (I need to give him a reason to do it.)
2. Can we write something up and each party sign it and submit it somehow or how do you do this?
3. Will we be likely to have any changes made in child support -- especially now that we have our own children?
4. We are getting married this September, so will they count in my income as part of the child support determination?
--- On a side note for those of you who follow THIS part of the story...I asked FDH what will happen with SD6 (who is not his). He said, "There's no way in hell I'm going to be expected to take her for 5 days every other week without some sort of compensation. BM gets paid child support for her, not me." I said, yes, maybe it's time to move in teh direction of we can invite her over occassionally but that we don't have her on SET/obligatory nights. He agreed. YAY!
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Unless your FDH is working
Unless your FDH is working well below his ability in order to bring in an income, your income should have no bearing on CS at all.
Some states don't much care if you have any other children to support or not when it comes to CS. I know this is true in Illinois. Other states allow for additional children. Asking your attorney would be a good idea on this one.
If you do not get this agreement signed by a judge it can be revoked by BM at any time on any whim she has. The only orders the court will follow are those signed off on by a judge. If you are worried she will back out it may be beneficial to wait for 6-9 months until you get some status quo built up. Then if she baulks you can go to court anyway and have some proof of how well things have been going for the child. The same goes for CS. It may be best to let sleeping dogs lie for awhile until you get a pattern built up of SS staying with you 50/50. Mention taking CS away or decreasing it and she may very well decide the 50/50 is "to hard on Sonny boy". Then your back to where you started.
Thanks. FDH did mention
Thanks. FDH did mention letting it "be" for awhile but I wasn't sure that there was anything good that would come from that. But I see your point so I guess that would be good to build up some time and to prove how good it is for SS3.
Thanks, that all helps a lot!
Thanks, that all helps a lot!
YEah....you see, BM LOVE LOVE
YEah....you see, BM LOVE LOVE LOVES her ME time and this EOW is definitely a blessing for her. She's probably dancing in her pants right now about it...but this is also before she realizes that we're not going to continue to take her daughter.... but still, I don't think that she would ever "take him back" really (although of course, we're dealing with psychos here).
It is possible. I guess it
It is possible. I guess it depends what SD's biodad does...if he starts to take her more often BM might be okay and not cause any problems. But yeah...she might throw a fit.
MMMMMMMmmmmm, I think you dh
MMMMMMMmmmmm,
I think you dh might be right. Just because you work for an insurance company doesn't make health insurance any cheaper. Its illegal to charge less for employees. Plus, usually the first person (the one employed is cheap) and then when you add kid or kids it gets real expensive. So you would probably end up paying half of daycare which is a little over $220 a month and then half of insurance (minimum of $150 probably a lot more plus 1/2 of all uncovered medical including copays etc). Add in when child gets older and does camps etc and activities (you will pay 1/2)..So bare minimum before child support is 370.00. So then add in what they think you owe in child support....(bare minimum is about 700-900 a month here.....so you are looking at paying between 720-820 a month if he changes anything. I would seriously let sleeping dogs lie and look into the minimum cs guidelines in your state. $560 a month is really really low.
I know that SD6's biodad only
I know that SD6's biodad only pays about $400 so that must be pretty close to the minimum.
I do see your point in how all of that can add up and I guess that is scary. But one point that I made above is that BM already asks us for money for paying for kids activities and stuff and if something did come up where she had a high med bill, you bet she'd ask us to help. And FDH would in most of these cases (bc BM would make him feel guilty), regardless of what the stipulation says.
FDH said that he DOES NOT
FDH said that he DOES NOT want to fight the child support thing, AND he doesn't want to get this change in official writing. He says what's the point?
The glaring point is that this change will make custody 50/50 so why on earth would your DH NOT want to modify the amount of CS being paid to BM?? What I read into his statement is that he is excited that BM has agreed to this change, but knows that if he fights to reduce amount of CS that she will most likely renege on this agreement.... which is all the more reason that he SHOULD be getting all of this in writing!
On another note, that is great news that he has agreed to do what is truly best for "SD"6 and stop this madness that she is living in right now.
He needs to get the change in
He needs to get the change in writing. How many times have we heard on this site about Dad's not doing it and BM's screwing them later on a whim.
As for CS we have 50/50 and their is no CS...You may find it is significantly reduced. Why not try for it.
As for insurance DH covers all the kids and it is the same cost regardless of one or 5 kids. Only reason it is DH is his is better insurance. When the calculations were recently redone from the last modification BM has full custody of one (thankfully SD15) and 50/50 on the other she actually owed DH $5.00 per month. We let it go after she agreed to a few things. She still doesn't do what she needs to and probably never will.
It doesn't hurt to ask for a CS assessment. Stop being afraid of the BM...