I'm sorry.

How does your H plan on responding?

You said you tried to disengage. Did it work at least a little bit for a little while?

As hard as it is? Disengaging shouldn't have exceptions.

It took a therapist to ever get me to understand that and help me enforce better boundaries (in my marriage concerning his ex). When I made the decision to truly step back - I wouldn't read emails, text messages, or listen to voicemails... regardless of the content. The ex truly became HIS problem.

I was just too worn out and was about ready to get a divorce just to be free from it.

I just think so many of us would benefit paying attention and nuturing our precious marriages - rather then even being a little bit involved in the one between two other people who struggle getting along.

I say let your H handle the crazy lady.

~CG

Doll face When I disengaged it only took my dh about 3 to 6 months before he started changing. So I didn't have to disengage too long, it might work for you that he may see that he needs to change in short amount of time. You never know til you try.

My dh couldn't handle the fact that I was not right there with him going through it. He missed us being together and since he was spending way too much time and money on the ex he had no time for us. Does that make sense?

I hope things work out for you and your dh. I also hope that your dh will counter his ex with a violation and she gets in trouble b/c her not letting him see his kid is wrong. But sometimes you have to step back and let him handle it and it just might work out.

In my case bm tried the very same thing every summer only that she would say things like "you know you can afford to have them" or "you know you will have to work the whole time" just to make him feel guilty.

At first I fought it and we fought like crazy so when I disengaged, dh finally had enough of that BS and they fought. See if your dh has you to fight with he gets it out on you instead of her. Let him take it out where is needs to be on her!

I need to find a way to disengage...but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who is engaged! I do like the comment about DH fighting with me so he doesn't need to fight with her. Not that I'm a fan of fighting at all...but better her than me!
I have thought about counseling to help me with some of these issues...but that just adds to my resentment of BM. I work two jobs to help provide her kid with the things he needs while she doesn't provide sh*t! So, I need to work extra to pay for therapy because of her? Pile on the resentment!

Why are you spending money on a kid that is not yours? Do not do it. The only reason that she is not supporting him is b/c she know you will so stop! I know it will be a while til she steps up but it won't for long before she realizes that you are not spending the money on him. She will throw a fit but don't listen. This is where I am a very big stickler on as it is not my place to support anyone elses kid. That kid has 2 parents are you are not one of them. Sure it is nice for you spend money but she is taking advantage of it.

I am only telling you thins so that you can have some sanity and control back. AND most importantly MAKE the bio parents step and do what is right by their kids. I would make it very clear that you will not spend anymore money til they step up and support their kid on their own and you will only buy what your want when you want.

Now I buy my skids certain things when I want and they appreciate it very much.

See here is the thing you are nothing to those kids by law, you have not rights. Which also means you are not obligated in any way to support them. Only by choice and I would make that very clear to my dh, Which I have. If your dh is paying CS then that should be enough, but of course he needs to provide for him while at his house too. Do not give the bm more money top of CS either. You HAVE to set boundaries.