What happens when an entitled skid grows up & dad dies
This is about my bil21. All bil life he's been a spoiled brat. He was raised with mil, sil and 2 half-sibs. Dh was raised by my fil and they lived 500 miles away. Bil21 is also the youngest kid of mil and fil. So he always got what he wanted. Sil spoiled him as much as she could and always babied him growing up. When she had a job in high school she would take him out to eat just because he wanted to go. Fil also spoiled him- big time guilty dad since he and mil divorced when bil was 3. So when I met dh, bil was a teen with no goals, no cares, nothing. He lives in a fantasy world and neither parent made him grow up. He has part-time jobs and pays rent, but fil helped him pay other bills. He is not in college or school of any sort, although he did graduated high school on time 3 years ago.
So, last month my fil passed away. Now we are left with this 21 year old adult who cannot take care of himself!! Sil still babies him and gives him money and pays his cell phone bill. She's offered to let him live with her and yadda yadda. The problem is she and her fiancé look to see how dh is going to help bil. Sil has no kids. Her fiancé has twin girls that visit, but no kids living with them. Sil also pays no bills! Her fiancé pays everything so her paycheck is basically spending money. (she has a nice job and gets paid well.) So she can afford to help bil if she wants. Dh makes good money, but pays cs. He also has our 3 kids to support since I'm a sahm. Dh also doesn't believe he shoul elp his brother because he could work fulltime he just doesn't want to. I would actually be willing to help bil IF he was a fulltime student an passin classes. Anyway, fil had bil on his car insurance. I think sil expects us to help with that, but we can't. (oh yeah, we're also straightening out dh's credit so we can buy a house next year.)
So, that's what happens to entitled skids when Disney/guilty dad passes away. Skid gets dumped on everyone else. Mil is on disability, her husband passed away as well, and she has two kids in high school still living with her to support. So we are left with bil and his mess of a life. Sigh....
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Comments
I'm certainly not one to say
I'm certainly not one to say "she should do it as she has no kids"...I was the one with no kids until recently & found it VERY unfair that I should be punished simply because I didn't reproduce willy nilly like my brothers did. I heard that from my brothers & parents MANY times & never once went along with it.
Saying that however, it is unfair for SIL to assume your DH will do ANYTHING for this grown man. Maybe your DH should sit down with your SIL & explain what he is or is not willing to do for his brother. But, at the end of the day, your BIL should be learning to stand on his own two feet since daddykins is no longer around to pay his bills.
I'm sorry for the loss of your FIL & wish you & your DH the best in this situation.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying sil SHOULD help him. She just always has on her own. She has always babied him. It has always been her decision to financially help him. But now she's looking at us like when are we going to step up? I'm just saying she doesn't quite 'get it' because she doesn't have kids & the expenses they bring on top of paying bills and financially supporting an entire household. She's an RN and pays her car payment and that's all. If she wants to spend her money on bil, go ahead, but don't expect us to. Our extra money usually goes towards the kids! But you're right bil needs to grow up already. And dh and I do agree on that. Mainly because when dh was 21, he was working full time and financially supporting bm and ss already.
The best thing anyone can do
The best thing anyone can do for them is sit them down and explain to them that it's time to stand on their own two feet. And then do not hamper their ability to do so by enabling them. That's what a caring family would do.
If SIL wants to help the young man, she should sit down and write up a contract regarding how much rent he will pay and what the house rules are while he's living there (guests, curfew, etc) and come up with a plan on a calendar for when he will be self sufficient and what steps he's taking to achieve that goal.
Strangely enough I have
Strangely enough I have thought about what would happen to SS18 if DH were gone. As a previous poster said I'd get him out of my house so fast his head would spin. However, what I say and what I'd do might not necessarily be the same thing. I think DH would be saddened if he watched from up above as I abandoned his child. It's a tough one. This is a bit different cause it's the BIL and not an actual Skid. Good luck with whatever happens.
Trust me, if it was ss, I
Trust me, if it was ss, I wouldn't help out at all! Not the way he treats dh! But bil DID love his dD and spent time with him often. I haven't thought about what would fil think if he were looking down... Fil was always about family though. Dh was his only child married with kids. So he always told dh to put us first. He knew we were wanting to save for a house and would tell dh to take care of us and the house first. So I think if fil were looking down he'd understand. Fil also DID acknowledge he didn't help bil much in the growing up department. Hmmm....
Oh... And to add another
Oh... And to add another twist....that side of the family has mental illness problems. Fil struggled with depression and always said he worried about bil. So now, everyone is worried about bil and if this is going to trigger anything in him. Compared to dh and sil, bil is having te hardest time dealing with their father's death. So mil and sil don't really want to 'make' him grow up instantly for fear he'll do something to himself. And yes, bil needs counseling and wants it. Of course, who pays for that too?
Bil needs to be pitched out
Bil needs to be pitched out into the street; sink or swim style!!