Why does my stomach still get in knots when ss is around?
Seriously. Ss13 has been visiting regularly for a year now. (after 3 years of little to no visits). Why does my stomach get in knots and my heart beat faster wheb he is around? It wasn't like this when he was younger and DID visit regularly. But for the last year I get so nervous being around him it's like I shut down almost.
We have ss for an additional 30 days this summer...on top of the regular eowknds. Our longest stretch just started last weekend. Dh picked up ss last sat & the closer he got to our home (we live 2hrs away from ss) the more I had this overcoming feeling of dread and anxiety. The kids and I left the next day (sun) for a preplanned trip with my parents and left ss at our home alone for a few days. Today was my first full day with ss and all 3 bios. I've had this nervous feeling all day & have bitten my tongue all day. (my mom is with us so she's helped play referee). And for whatever reason my hands feel shaky as I type. I brought my kids to swim lessons and left ss with dh and instead of enjoying watching my kids, all I feel is my stomach turning and myself dreading going home. And I've only been around ss for a day or two!!! We've had him almosta week but i've been gone most of the week!! I still have the ENTIRE month of July with ss!!!
I don't know why I feel like this or what to do about it. I've never had feelings like this before. and I'm not exaggerating. I seriously have had this nervous feeling all day. And it happens every visit. It is part of the reason I avoid ss and try to make myself scarce when he does visit. Anyone else feel this way? Any suggestions?
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I feel sick the whole time my
I feel sick the whole time my SS is here, which is hard because he is here all summer. I wish I had a suggestion for you but I can't even make it better for myself, I go through a big bottle of pepto every 2 days when he is with us because I feel so sick to my stomach. When he is gone though I'm fine. I wonder if that will ever change.
I feel the same way at the
I feel the same way at the mere mention that SD25 is coming to town. And, she doesn't even come to our house! There is just something very unsettling about her presence, and I can't put my finger on it. Just her being near here is very unnerving. I have said before that she's the "other woman" in our marriage, and I tend to think that is a big part of the stress when she's within 50 miles of here. All visits are very stressful--kind of like I'm just waiting for the drama because I know it's coming at some point in the visit. And, this feeling still comes after almost a year of 100% disengagement from her! If anyone figures out how to get past this feeling of dread or whatever it is, please let us know!
Yeah, idk what it is. Ss
Yeah, idk what it is. Ss doesn't necessarily cause drama. It's hard to explain and I have no reason for why I feel like this. It just happens. My stomach gets tied up the nearer he gets and is one giant knot by the time he gets here. It stays that way til he leaves. The whole time he's here I'm a ball of nerves as well. Idk why! If dh takes ss and the kids away for a few hours I'm fine til time is almost up them I have this overwhelming feeling of dread knowing he's coming back. When we were driving back from out of town the other day, the closer we got to our home, the more dread I felt because I knew ss was there! Is this normal?!
It's the POTENTIAL of drama
It's the POTENTIAL of drama always looming at the back door that makes us feel nervous and sick. And usually our gut feeling is RIGHT!
I'm in countdown mode now
I'm in countdown mode now until SD21 arrives....and I'm feeling the churning too. Part of me wants to run away and hide, how crazy is that ?? Part of me wishes she was arriving today, so I can begin the HAPPY countdown to her leaving. DH is being extra nice, and avoiding talking about it at ALL, but I know that's to avoid confrontation etc . I'm wondering why I agreed to this visit, and really will a week be THAT bad !!( it will, I can barely manage two hours without wanting to throttle her !!)
This will be the first time I have seen her or uttered ONE word to her in TWO years and I could quite happily go another TWENTY years before I do. But I am going to stand my ground.....just really believe DH is expecting a Brady Bunch experience, while I'll be seeing the true Exocist one!!!
SIGH ...........
Oh gawd this is my WORST
Oh gawd this is my WORST nightmare. It's been almost 4 years that the oldest two have PASed out and almost 2 years that the youngest has PASed out. Frankly, it will be TOO SOON if they ever darken my doorstep again. The spying, the CPS reports, the stealing, the lying, the messes, the youngest shitting all over my house when he doesn't have his way.
The loudness and destructiveness, lack of hygiene, ill manners, disrespect and treating me like a personna non grata. The constant stirring up shit by the Behemoth.
And most of the time, they still stir up drama well past the age of 21!