Concerns about possessive & selfish ex-wife
There has always been something about BM that bothered me. but I couldn't put my finger on it until now Thinking back after this last big blow up, i should have realized it sooner (will give examples on down). BM still had/has 'feelings' for BF! By feelings I mean that she still has staked a claim on him. He's not my Boyfriend, he's her ex-husband/baby daddy.
Sunday after he told her that he didn't like her or want to talk to her (unless it was about the kids) she returned photos of him and her wedding ring. Items she wouldn't have kept if they hadn't meant something to her, right? And since she returned them instead of torching them(like I would have) i think there may still be some feelings left.
Why I didn't think of it:
* She divorced him! So i thought her feelings were pretty clear (apparently not). I knew how he felt about her - he is a bit bitter about the divorce ( 2 years later).
* She is engaged to be married in September to a guys she started dating 2 weeks after the divorce.
What I missed/over looked:
* She got angry at him when he didn't tell him that he couldn't watch the kids for her becuase he had a date (with me).
* She called him and asked him why he was dating me. Since I was nothing like her, that had to mean that I was not his type. (they have had this conversation 3 times - one time I was actually there to hear it)
* She called him and told him that I called her a failure as a mother. Which I didn't do and BF knew it, then got really nice to him when she thought we broke up. She got mad again when she found out I was still around.
* She called him and flipped out about a trip to see my family out of state and accused us of trying to tick her off. When I chimed in she yelled at him for letting me listen - really she was just being THAT loud.
* She started only calling him when he was at work. (Still does this)
* She threatened to get a restraining order on me to keep me out of 'parent things'.
* Every time they had a fight - envolving me- it seemed like BM got madder at BF when he took my side or defended me.
* Every time they had a fight, she would always say that we didn't understand how SHE felt, even if the fight started becuase of how BF or I felt.
* It's okay for HER kids to call her man 'dad' but HER kids are not allowed to call me 'mom'.
* She always plays the victim.
*She accused him of 'changing', she 'hardly knew him any more'.
* She tells SS6 things (i know becuase he repeats them not realizing that they are insults) about me being ugly, simple or unpretty. (she is very vain) And yes I am simple 
Why I think she does all this:
* She thought that he would never get over her and always have feelings for - which made what he told her last week all the harder for her to hear.
* She thinks that since they have kids she has a say in his love life.
* I think she thought that she could always come back to him.
* She does not like it when things don't go her way. She divorced BF the minute he started telling her 'no' maybe as a way to punish him for not letting her have her way?
Lastly, my concerns:
BF and I are at a point in our lives where we are starting to think about our future. I have told him about my concerns and I think he is worried too. If she is this nuts and we are just dating what is she going to do when/if we: get engaged, get married, or have a baby?
I told BF that I don't want her near my baby, she really scares me that much. I am not sure she would hurt a baby but she would say mean things about it - like it's ugly or something and that is hurtful to a mother. I have considered a restraining order, but as it is she doesn't talk to me, he yells at BF about me. And I am pretty successful at avoiding her, but BF can't.
I know the I can't live my life worrying about her retarded feeling/emotions. I just think she is going to blow a fuse, especially if we have a baby (she can't have any more biologically) and then BF and I would be tied together forever, so she would never really be able to get rid of me at that point.
I will probably just go with the flow and not concern myself with her, but all of this will still be in the back of my mind. I guess I just needed to vent.
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Comments
Honey get ready because as
Honey get ready because as soon as you take a step closer to the aisle she is going to go bat shit crazy. My DH left BM almost 11 years ago. She likes to tell everyone he left her because of me. However, that relationship was done way before I came into the picture. Everything you are describing I have dealt with. To this day, she still refuses to accept, acknowledge or even deal with the fact that DH and I are married. She went as far as telling her kids that he couldn't marry me because SHE gave birth to his 2 children and he never married her so he's not supposed to marry me. She calls him at work and only texts or calls his cell phone at times when she knows he is not with me. She will invite my DH to special events for her kids but tells him he is not allowed to take me. Therefore, he never attends anything for his kids because he says if I can't go, he's not going either. She tries to control everything that happens in my home and in my DH's life. She has even gone as far as telling my Dh that his kids prefer it if when they are with us I am not around. LOL...She will NEVER let go of my husband. She will remain single & will do whatever is in her power to cause chaos and drama in my marriage. Thankfully, I'm just as much of a fucking psycho as she is so she will never be able to take me down.
Yep that's it!......I went
Yep that's it!......I went through half that list already with BM. DH and i have been married 3 years and now have 2 boys of our own
she had the nerve to tell me I was trying to be like her by having two boys! I told her that she was stupid... Then when she was mad and talking out the side of her neck 
She said that she would tell "her" mother in law blah blah blah ....I was like um you do remember that you guys are divorced and you are remarried (right after we got married of course) ....so in her sick mind she still thinks she is part of the family
I've been through most of
I've been through most of this list, too. I believe BM always thought she'd be able to go back to DH. He took damn good care of her and the kids. She didn't have to worry about anything, and got pretty much everything she asked for. A house. A bigger house. A vehicle. Then a better one. Then an even better one.
She thought he was completely in love with her. Actually, while he did love her at one point I'm sure, his feelings changed over the years because of her selfishness... but he was still completely in love with his kids. So he wanted to keep the mother happy, so she'd keep the kids happy.
He was sad after his divorce, because no one really wants that for their kids. But he was releived also, the burden of HER was off of his shoulders.
BM though, thought that since she felt he was absolutely in love with her and wouldn't be able to get over her, that she would be able to go back to him when she was finished sowing her wild oats, or however they say it
She could not have been more wrong.
When DH and I became close (she and I were friends first, until she flipped) while I was trying to help him with the kids, she became angry. He told her one day that I was his best friend (before we started dating), and she answered disgustedly "RaeRae?!? You don't even LIKE her!"
More recently, she confronted me during her sons doctors appointment and said 'I would trade places with you in a second!'. Umm... really? DH ignored this statement from her, even though she repeated it a few times.
I know she always thought she'd have her family back eventually. But my DH comes from a culture where, what she did is a complete dishonor to not only him and the kids, but to the whole family. (Really, when is being a slut and sleeping around considered an honor?) It would be shameful for him to accept her back into his life. Not that he wants to. She's scum.
Where to begin... You just
Where to begin... You just summed up my relationship with the BM in a nutshell!! The difference is the BM is super nice to me, whether that's better or worse I don't know. I have to be social, BLAH! I do not understand where these women get the nerve. It hurts but at the same time I laugh at how ridiculous it all is. When SO and I first met she was really nice. My SO and I broke up for a week in the beginning and she was even saying how he should think it over because I cared for the kids and that meant a lot to her. Sweet right?? Yea a month or so later she was calling and texting asking to "come home" and how she didn't see why they couldn't make it work and how he's changed so it's all okay. She still doesn't know that SO and I would listen to the voice mails and laugh at her trying to be all lovey dovey. The love songs recorded from the radio to voice mail, the happy anniversary and the worst part is the guilt trips of don't you care about the kids it would be better if we were together for them. I finally went off the deep end when she SHOWED UP at our home and called me fat. I stayed inside of course but she really doesn't think he tells me anything (he tells me EVERYTHING.) Its a sad and pathetic life she lives. The other part is when the BM's act like this and they are dating, engaged, married what have you and they are proving THEY HAVEN"T CHANGED!! Now I am always guarded. She is always nice to my face, but I don't doubt for a second she is bashing me all over town.
I worried at first he would go back to her then I though "if he really wants to go back to that i think i'd help him pack and say good luck" haha. I don't worry anymore. I know it'll never happen but i still don't like how he won't cut the friendship ties. He is honorable for wanting a good friendly relationship with his ex for the kids sake, its a nice dream it really is, but not realistic. They divorced for a reason. I just keep hoping KARMA kicks her behind.
At least I am not alone, yet
At least I am not alone, yet some how I wish I was. lol.
Like most of you BM was really nice to me , but then she would bad mouth me all over town and even to BF, then she wondered why I stopping talking to her. I wasn't going to give her stuff to work from when she was bad mouthing me. If she is gonna say stuff I would rather actually have done something.
What I hated the most was when she would talk to me and tell me what a great job I was doing with the kids and then call BF and tell him how awful/stupid/careless I was. Like most of you BF tells me EVERYTHING, and I believe him.
I think BM's relationship is on the rocks, and I told BF that if it goes bad she'll call him and ask to come back. he said no, and I know that he wouldn't take her back becuase he hates her that much (but tired to be nice for the kids, until recently when she went off about me. Then he told her how he felt.) But give her a few weeks and she will be back to thinking that he is in love with her and that I MADE him say that to her. I told him if she asks to come back I will go off, becuase that means she is not taking My relationship with him seriously. (which I know she isn't but still that takes nerves to ask that)
Ugh I would just like 5 minutes alone with her in a padded room.
That's what I keep telling
That's what I keep telling SO, its gonna get worse ESP when she's quiet I know she's brewing. He plays dumb ( or he's really that naive) bring it on. I have everyone on my side
I have the same things on
I have the same things on that list also with BM, but my DH was common law married to BM. But he didn't want to be married to her. While he split from her she blames me for it but its not true their relationship was over before i came in to the picture. BM would call him her husband while she was in a relationship with someone else. All this is while I with my DH before we got married.Sometimes he would call her to talk to his son BM would say i was thinking about you how did you know to call. He would tell her to her face I don't want to be with you I'm only with you for my son. That was before we got together.I still think she is not over my DH even tho she with someone else and going to marry him
I realize that she can not do
I realize that she can not do anything to me with out going to jail or getting a lawyer, that makes me feel better about dating BF. the sadistic side of me find what she is doing amusing but the logical side doesn't like it. But I have been documenting everything. Some of the things she does is borderline illegal and I am just waiting for her to cross that line.
I think she is just dumb enough to cross it but BF doesn't think so. Two can play her game though, that last time she dropped the kids off I didn't leave the area I stood there with my arms crossed and smiled. She was on my front lawn so there is nothing she could do about it. She was flustered and couldn't get away fast enough.