Lisa, this stepmoms point of view suggests your on the wrong board seeking advice. Good luck with your life and endeavors.

Wrong site...I don't know, keep googling, teens should know there way around the internet. Anyone can post here-I'm just saying what this board is made of you may not find what you need/want to hear.

overit & caregiver- someone on another blog told her she she blog her story here. Just fyi so she was encouraged to do so.

I think from some of your answers you've posted elsewhere suggest to me that your smom does not like the potential influence you will have on her kids. You have gotten yourself into some trouble in the past and she is probably worried about that. I'm sure you are trying to clean up your act and do better, but its hard for other to trust again.

I am also going to guess that since dad was buying a lot all the time and your mom had to say stop, that you are going to be seen as spoiled as well.

You sound like you have a lot of troubles and need to seek counseling. I feel bad for you that you don't feel like you have a place to feel comfortable.

BUT from the smom point of view you are high maintenance and she has enough to deal with. Dad was probably treating smom differently and their kids differently when you are around. That causes misplace resentment too.

I think the best thing for you is to try and work on your relationship with your own mother and ask for treatment. You have gone through a rape and are a cutter. You need help for this. Your smom isn't going to want this around her kids, she is protecting them. I think its important if you can to be on good terms with your mom. I've always been able to depend on mine and it was key for me in my teen years.

and yes, you are going to hear things you don't want to on here. Be prepared.

I saw lisa-dannielle posting elsewhere on here and some others here suggested she start her own blog because they were interested in hearing what she had to say. I think the point is for lisa-danielle to get opinions from other step mothers to understand her own situation.

True, she may not hear what she "wants" to hear but there are some on here who probably do want to hear from a teenage step's point of view and offer advice. I'm sure there are other sites out there that would be geared more toward a teen dealing with this but I don't think that we (on Steptalk) are above giving someone in her situation advice simply because she's not a stepPARENT.

To the OP, I think you are on the right track -- if you are truly trying to cooperate and be respectful and mindful of the entire situation, I think you could repair your relationship with your stepmother. A lot of things change when you have your own children after you have stepchildren and there is a lot here that even from your blog you don't know about. You don't know why your SM and dad were fighting...I'm sure there's a lot of underlying issues and the fact is you probably will never know exactly what they are because you're not in your parent's shoes. What is the relationship between your dad and your mother? There are just SOO many factors here that it WILL make it hard for people to give you advice because you can't explain first-hand the little things going on within your parents relationships. Sorry I don't have much advice but like I said, I think if you continue to keep an open mind and be helpful and try to open up a dialogue with your SM, things might turn around, if you truly want them to. Show her you are mature and responsible.

Lisa-D, it will be hard to find what you are looking for here. Many of us have had ugly experiences with our stepkids. However, SM or not I will say to you...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE speak to someone. A school counselor? A mentor? Someone you look up to? Do you have any Aunts that you love & trust? I don't understand why you aren't with your mom, is there a problem there that you aren't telling us about? I understand that you hate CA, but is there any way you can stay in CA finish HS and then apply to college somewhere where you'd like to live? Maybe it's time to start thinking about what YOU can do for yourself that way you don't need to rely on mom, dad or SM. I am worried about the fact that you have turned to a board like this to seek answers and that you might be confronted with angry SM's that can make you feel worse. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you get the help you seek quickly. God bless you.

There is one point bugging me in that whole story. The point where she says that her father married her stepmother only because he got her pregnant.

How does she know that?

I believe that she's suggesting that this isn't a sympathic enough forum for you. Most people on here I think are a lot like me and care about their skids but need people going through the same to vent to. I might suggest Yahoo answers: Here's a link to view:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070818120935AA08Wdu

or google something like hate my stepmom, or stepmom issues.

It sounds like your in a bad situation and I remember being your age - it sucked. The best advise that I have to offer sadly is to just ride it out until you find better or can move out on your own as a capable adult. I would also recommend speaking to a school counselor or if dad may be reasonable ask him about counseling services (he likely has insurance that will cover it). While it sounds like the whole family could use it, I doubt from the sounds of it that sm/dad would be up for family counseling so atleast you could get help to navigate your issues in these difficult years.

There's free online counselling at:
www.kidshelpline.com.au
but You have to wait hours for a counsellor to go online, I'm told.

I've also heard people speak highly of www.letsreflect.com

Best of luck, sweets!

So, it sounds like when your parents split up, your dad spoiled you & your stepmom resented it.

Do you know what she was referring to when she said he'd created a monster? Was it because she felt you were spoiled?

The way you describe it, it seems there were/are issues between your dad & stepmom that she is projecting her anger & frustration onto you instead of facing the real issue.

Are they hurting for money & she's upset that he spends irresponsibly on you & creating a burden on supporting the household? Has he neglected her or your 1/2 siblings in an effort to over-compensate you for splitting up with your mom?

Do you feel close to your dad...enough to talk to him about what you're feeling?

How long do you think you'll be with them before you move in with your brother? Are you on schedule with school? These are THE MOST important years of school for you. Be sure you keep your focus on that.

If you'll be back in school before your brother gets his trailer ready, take your dad up on his offer to give you one of the bedrooms. At 16, you need your private space. It'll give you a place to retreat to when you need it, & it'll give you a quiet place to study.

I'm sure you've read some of the vents & feelings that stepmoms have posted here. There are so many people coming from so many different situations. Some of us love our stepkids. Some of us don't. Some of us make an effort to understand & improve our situations. Others simply post their anger & frustrations & continue on with life as it is. Perhaps your stepmom wants things to be good between the two of you but doesn't know how. Maybe she doesn't care one way or the other & just wants something to complain about.

Keep in mind that you can only change you. You can only make choices for you. If she doesn't want to work things out, you work things out for you. In a couple of years you'll be making a life for yourself...forging your own path. While your in their home, continue to do your part to help.

You mentioned your stepmom's birthday gift & a meaning behind it. Can I ask what it is?

In all the advice and posts all I see you all talking about is the SM and cutting, what about this rape! Did that just happen? Why are you not seeking help from that! True you may need help building/rebuilding a relationship with SM, but you are probably going through a lot mentally and physically because of that...are you seeking help for it? Have you filed charges aginst the person who did this, are you around them everyday? Heal yourself first, love yourself first, respect yourself first, and everything else will fall into place overtime. Remember nothing comes easy ....it's a hard cold ugly world out there.....you are 16 with a long life ahead of you....get the help you need stay in school and make something of yourself !! You may one day be able to healp other young girls that are going through what you have been through! When you straighten up, people will notice and will want to help you get to the next level, because they see you are trying

Something smells fishy in Denmark here (the smell of bait minnows). There have been many good posts from reasonable SMs here and yet no real acknowledgement. Lots of "looping" back to: Tales of evil SM, I'm trying to love her; my dad gave me "adult spousal status" as a young'un; dont know why there is any resentment from SM.

(inserting vague references to the "Point Counterpoint" tv show for all you oldie moldies out there who were brought up on a strict diet of PBS when it was actually educational television)

Lisa-danielle,
I left you a PM.

Would there be any chance of family counseling? Is that something you could even bring up to your father or SM?

How about church? Do you go? Could you talk to your clergyman for advice?

Lisa Danielle-I hope you get the help you need. Sometimes life is just unfair. Some stepmoms love their stepkids and some just hate them because they exist. I've seen it. You are young and have the whole future ahead of you. Get an education and talk with someone that can help you.

Good Luck and take care.

from an actual step mom:

wish my sd would move to a different state to live with her mom for good.

if my sd was cutting herself, i would do everything in my power to have her put in the crazy house or at the very least OUT of my house as to not influence or harm my children.

sounds like you get into a lot of fights to be such a good person trying so hard!

good luck.

"I'm not gonna go confront her aimlessly pondering through my mind whilst I'm trying to speak to her."

I don't know many 16yr olds who express themselves this way in writing...how interesting. Guess education is great in Missouri in trailer neighborhoods??

Somethings fishy to me too...SIDS, rape, adult spousal status, cutting, a kid saying they prefer structure/rules then none, insinuation of molestation/sexual abuse when younger...good luck with what you seek for.

I feel like regardless of who this person is or isnt- she asked for advice which I feel she got on page one of this post from StepAsides long post starting with "Im going to offer my opinion as a SM." Hopefully, if Lisa-Danielle is a real 16 yr old with all these troubles- she does seek the professional mental help she needs and from there can hopefully begin to reconcile the other relationships in her life.
"you must love yourself before you love another" extends belong romantic ties