SO started his new job today. He seems to like it, but working ten hours after a month plus off has exhausted him and he is currently sprawled across my couch, sound asleep, snoring loud enough to drown out the TV if I were to turn it on.

He came over after work today, fskids are at BM's for her week so we had dinner. The plan was to watch a movie I got in from Netflix and just spend an evening cuddling. We never watched the movie, instead he wanted to talk. The topics varied and I am not sure he was happy with any of the answers he got. Since he is still here I am presuming he is not heartbroken about those answers either.

Topic one was where did I see us in five years, ten years etc. I explained in five years I could see us engaged and planning a wedding. He was fine with that but why not do it sooner. My reply of not wanting to marry him while his kids were still under 18 floored him. Yes, my state does have a lovely statute that supposedly prohibits step parents income from being considered for CS. But in my experiences 'extenuating circumstances' have a nasty way of rearing their head. I am not willing to risk having to pay any portion of my income to his ex-wife for the support of two kids that are not mine. I think we ended that topic with him relatively satisfied that at some point we would get married just not to hold his breath waiting.

The next topic was how I wanted the kids to view me and treat me. That answer was easy, view me as his girl friend and they need to treat me the same way they would treat their best friends parents. The 'adults' in this world that manners come out for because they want to be invited back over, allowed to spend the night and see their friend.

Third topic my house. As soon as he brought it up the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I own a 3 br/2ba home. Master bedroom is mine, guest room and home office/den. He thought the kids would feel more welcome if we fixed the rooms up for them. I advised him that we did fix their rooms up, for them, at his apartment when we moved all his stuff. He did not take the hint. At all.

We do not live together. Yes, the weeks that the fskids are with their BM he is over here spending the night and rarely heads to his apartmemt. But on weeks that he has his kids they spend every.single.night. at his place. Weekends they will come over and go to the pool, hang out with the kids they know in my neighborhood etc. Ride bikes, skateboard, play basketball or use the Gym. But they always go.home.

Notice that word. Home. This is MY home, that is THEIR home. This/That. Two different places. He seems to be having a hard time truly grasping the understanding of: I do not want kids. Yes, he has them. I am even fond of them. But being fond of a kid and living with said kids are two different things!

On one hand I should be flattered. Much younger guy wanting to marry me and play house. Two instant kids, no pregnancy, getting fat, stretchmarks or terrible two's necessary. Said younger man has also stated when we get married he wants a pre-nump. Apparently he does not want to be called a gold digger by my friends or family. I am glad he wants one, because it was going to be required anyway.

On the other hand, I look at this board and others that I read and see very few happy stories. I speak with friends, family, co-workers and they all have a horror story about blended families. The advice is always universally to walk away, run if necessary.

Next thought is the ugly thought. That of younger man looking for well to do older woman and intentionally seeking her out to ensure an end to financial struggles. I give this thought less time than the other thoughts due to the way we met. And when we met he was not struggling he was managing just fine. In truth it is only for about 2 months that he 'struggled' and he is now on his way to being solidly back on his feet again. During that two months, the only help he asked for was help moving and setting up the new apartment. I figure if there was ever a time he was going to hit me up for cash these last two months would have been it and he didn't.

End result of the evening? He is snoring, my mental gears are churning trying to figure out why tonight out of sll nights he brought these topics up. Additionally, I am not redecorating my two bedrooms for teenagers and eventually we might get married.

Ok, I just went back and read what I wrote. Even writing it down did not help this evening make any more sense. If you took the time to read this: sorry no enlightenment here, just the insecure, nervous ramblings of a middle aged woman.