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Recording calls

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 5:34pm

Well ladies,

After finding out this week that BM took a belt to SD15, we found out that she's been spanked by her stepfather the week before, as well as roughed up by him. BM apparently calls this "disciplining" her.

I am FURIOUS. I told DH today that I'm going into court mode. We want custody. Our current issue is that we have NO proof of BM's and SF's emotional and physical abuse.

So we're going to trap BM. Both NC and LA are one-party consent states. We're going to get BM upset at SD15 and record it. BM will start screaming at SD15* then DH will come in and tell BM that he doesn't want SF laying hands on his daughter. BM will predictably blow her top even further and probably start cussing him out. Voila, verbal abuse and defense of physical abuse on record.

So, anybody know the best way to record calls? We have a smartphone and a landline to work with.

*SD15 confided in us this week that she stopped taking at least one of her anti-depressant/anti-psychotic medications that BM insisted she be on three weeks ago. We never wanted her on that crap anyway, and she's already gone through the physical withdrawal, so there's no point in putting her back on it without a thorough re-evaluation of her mental state. I just hope she can get away with it for the next two weeks until we can get her for summer visitation. BM will FLIP HER SHIT.

P.S. I'm not gleeful about this, or snickering about how BM's going get it. I see this as the only way to get concrete, court-admissible proof of the bullshit she pulls.

Comments

mndblwn's picture

Submitted by mndblwn on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 6:14pm

using the landline go to radio shack and ask for a device to record the calls on ur land line. this device plugs into the wall and then your phone plugs into the device. then you need to buy a digital recorder and hook that into the device as well. we do the same thing with ss6 and his BM. it works great. we bought ours at radio shack and the instructions are easy

Justwantsomepeace's picture

Submitted by Justwantsomepeace on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 6:18pm

We filed an exparte motion and for the follow up hearing the judge spoke to skids in chambers with no lawyers or parents present. They were 12 and 13 at the time. We don't know what they said, but the judge granted the motion based on what they said. Granted, we do have psychological and other "freaking out" issues in the court file. DH has always had custody, but at times has had BMs visitation completely taken away or limited/supervised all based on the kids say so. NC judges will talk to and believe children after a certain age.

We record every call with a handheld digital recorder available at any office supply store. You can then upload to pc and burn to cd. But, in 5 years of intense legal stuff have never had to use them in court.

Filing a report with CPS may be helpful for documentation sake. Especially if either one admits to it.

Good luck

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 7:46pm

That's extremely interesting.

The original custody order is in Louisiana, although not in the parish BM lives in now. We live in NC. (DH has been here for 8 years, and will be for another 3 at least)

Will NC courts allow an ex parte motion regarding a matter decided in another state?

Justwantsomepeace's picture

Submitted by Justwantsomepeace on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 10:29pm

I would consult an attorney about jurisdiction, not sure how it works especially if you're military. Also IMHO a lawyer is a good bet, especially if trying to get custody

To clarify, I suggested CPS for the SF roughing her up part, not the spanking part.

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 7:35pm

Depends on your state - in Arizona, as long as one of the parties on call consents, you should be good.

http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states.html

Note: if the calls are from one state to another (like in our case) check BOTH state laws. The state of Maryland (a two-party consent state) sued Linda Tripp on Monica Lewinski's behalf when she recorded the inter-state calls between Tripp and Lewinski regarding Bill Clinton. The calls in question were between DC (a one-party district, where Tripp was) and Maryland.

In our case, both Louisiana (BM) and North Carolina (us) are one-party consent states.

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 8:43pm

Talk to a lawyer - you might be able to get away with notifying BM that from now on, all conversations will be recorded - if she doesn't consent to being recorded, she can email you or text you, which fulfills your need to record BM's insanity. I believe that leaving a VM or sending a text or email implies consent to being placed on record.

RB's picture

Submitted by RB on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 8:13pm

I'm pretty sure you can record away. If you really want to research the information it is in the U.S. Constitution. I used to record the SK's BM when she would call me to try and torture me. It was nice having it on tape just in case I might need more than the transcription of those calls to back up the insanity that would come out of the BM's mouth.

jss2109's picture

Submitted by jss2109 on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 8:56pm

Sorry, but recording across state lines is illegal as it violates the federal communications laws.

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Mon, 06/06/2011 - 9:01pm

Nope, it doesn't.

Federal laws are one-party consent.

"Federal law requires that at least one party taking part in the call must be notified of the recording (18 U.S.C. ยง2511(2)(d))."

The only sticky part comes when you're calling across state lines when one of the states is a two-party consent state.

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:09am

Agreed that belting a child is legal. This happens to be an escalation of the physical discipline that is happening WAY too often. SD15 (15! Not 5!) is getting spanked pretty much weekly, and her SF is getting in on the action.

A couple things - DH had to pull BM off SD-then-4 in 2000 - a spanking started turning into a beating. THIS WEEK, she took a belt to her 7-yr-old; not for a specified number of licks - he was told "You better cry!" and it continued until he did and then beyond. Also, she is being spanked by her stepfather. I don't object to sparents disciplining, but opposite-gender sparents should NOT be violently touching their skids after puberty.

Perhaps I put it badly; there is no need to TRY to make BM mad. SD15 has done something that WILL push BM over the edge. SD15 needs to own up to what she has done, but with this history, I REALLY prefer that she be out of reach of BM.

I'm going to suggest DH get an app for his phone and start recording EVERYTHING now. This includes conversations with SD15 - which is where we get most of our information. We have been lax, and have no evidence.

I suspect there will be at least 6 months of evidence gathering before we move. Additional issues - there's a RO on DH from BM in 2002 filed in the state. It's bullshit, but he didn't fight it. Louisiana is extremely pro-CP. We're lucky that the original custody case was NOT a considered decision - if it were, we would have to prove that BM's care was detrimental to SD15's wellbeing.

Nette5's picture

Submitted by Nette5 on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 12:25am

Here in Idaho, our Judge looked at us and told BOTH parties to record the phone calls. His words were: maybe if you both know there will be a chance I will hear the phone calls, then you will be nicer to each other.

We bought our recorder at Wal-Mart for about $20-$25. We recorded for years. The tapes got a bit much, but I wrote the date I put them in and the date I pulled them out. There were a couple of times I could remember some of what happened and wrote that on the case.

AND I have BM2 on recording verifying the laws in Idaho about only one person needing to know that phone calls are being recorded. It made me grin as I was recording that call, cuz then I had proof that she understood.

I also could NOT be the one to transcribe the tapes, it was too hard emotionally. I had a friend do it, so it was easier if we needed to find exact words on tape w/o having to listen to hours of tape or pay attorneys tons of money listening to tapes. We had the words and could go right to which tape and find the info quickly.

A trick I learned was when calling the BM, I would state the date and time while her line was ringing. If she called me, I would state the date and time after she hung up. "Following phone call is taking place on ..... at ...." or "Previous phone call took place on ...... at ....". Made things easier on my scribe.

NCMilGal's picture

Submitted by NCMilGal on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:25am

Right. BM refuses to put any of her bullshit in writing. She feels safe on the phone, and spews the vilest accusations and delusional bullshit.

Since a minor isn't considered a reliable witness (especially a dramatic teenager) we need her own words. How is that stirring shit? Would that be the fact that I DEFEND BM to SD15? Would that be staying the hell out of her household? I haven't spoken to BM since December of '08, and she still insists that *I* am a big part of the problem.

Right.