So SS7 came yesterday morning doing his usual hug on daddys leg crap. He is almost 8 I didn't think boys that age act like that? He used to try to suck up to me and would ignore his dad back when he first started coming over, trying to butter me up so I would not relize what a brat he was. When I started disiplining him that river turned cold fast. So he isn't listening yesterday, normal amount.....picks at my knit dining room table cloth after we leave the table and puts a 3 foot run in the table cloth all puckered and then tells my husband I didn't do it, will it wasn't there when we sat down or left the table yet its there when we come back (I got up to go to the restroom and my DH went to get our daughter some juice) Ok boys will be boys I can live with it, the lying I hate but its his first day, then he just won't listen, won't listen to me, won't listen to DH......I am beginning to get frustrated at this point. This kid lost a night stand last week and 2 lamps out of his room because he kept breaking them (on purpose) He broke the leg of his night stand hitting it with a nija sword(plastic) So he lost the sword we put the leg back on fast forward 3 weeks later I hear a crash his nightstand is on the floor minus a leg and his lamp is on the floor, so I told him he lost nightstand privlages and had DH put it in the basement, took the lamp, now broken down there to. So yesterday I am playing with my daughter in her room with the door shut so she doesn't get out near the stairs and I hear a crash, my DH had been in the living room and my ss in his bedroom playing, He somehow managed to throw his other lamp on the floor.........ok......he won't tell us how it happened so bye bye to another lamp. Its already his bedtime so my DH tells him to go to bed, yah great punishment making him go to bed at bedtime, he was already going to bed in 5min anyway but I don't say anything,....just go back into my daughters room and play with her. Then I start hearing my ss mumble, I open my daughters door a little to listen, is going on about how mean his daddy is because he didn't tuck him in......first off you don't get "tucked in " when you are getting punished......second I don't think almost 8yr old boys should need tucked in by daddy anymore. He keeps mumbling about how dh doesn't love him and we are mean to him. So I lose it, he has disrespected me, my home, my child with his bad behavior all day he was not going to sit there and disrispect the only reason I even put up with this crap. I camly tell my DH he has to come watch our daughter for a few minutes, I think he thought I needed to run to the bathroom or something. I go into his room and take all his stuffed animals off his bed(why does an almost 8 yr old boy sleep with stuffed animals anyway) I tell him that his daddy loves him and if no one takes care of him how come he was fed, taken to the park, had a room full of toys today. He starts crying because he didn't want to be called out on his bullsh*t he wanted dh to come and cuddle him and let him stay up later, so instead he got me taking all his stuffed animals away and I told him if he wanted to be treated better he should act less like a spoiled brat and treat his father with some respect. I didn't even mention me, I was just so angry for my husband. So my husband seemed relived that I did it and kissed my forehead when I came out and told me that he loved me. We put our daughter to bed and watched a movie. Then we started talking about the summer and my ss. I told him I needed him to wake up tomorrow with ss, it is not fair to me to be the only person taking care of kids in the morning while he sleeps. He says I'm tired all the time, really and I'm not, I get less sleep then him everyday but he is tired. So I tell him it doesn;t matter if your tired you still have to take care of your child. I told him if I wasn't here wouldn't you get up with them? He gets defensife we start argueing, I tell him you need to step up with your kid, I take care of our daughter 75% me 25% him and thats fine, she is mine I stay home with her, even when he is home I do 75% of her stuff. But with ss I am not his mom he needs to step up and do 80% him and 20% me. He doesn't like this he doesn't want to take care of him he just wants me to do it. But after 30 more minutes of back and forth I had him read and article on disingageing, he didn't want that so he changed his tone fast. Then the real problem came out, he said "I don't know what to do, no punishment works, every time I try nothing happens so I feel defeated" I tell him will not punishing him won't help either, I told him he has ADD go onto ADD parenting sights and find out what worked for other parents, properly medicate him, get him in councling, but ignoring the problem isn't just hurting you it is hurting him. That seemed to get through to him, hopefully this will get through to him and he finally gets it.