I would be yelling at my daycare provider, that is just wrong. She is no different then a stranger to your child, would the daycare let a stranger hold your child? Switch daycares if you have to, but I would not let this stand, you dont even have to say anything to your husband have a talk to the daycare because that is just wrong. When I first brought my dd home my ss7 kept asking what his mother was to her and I sad nothing, his mother is very special to him and his mom but she is nothing to my daughter. Make that clear to your daycare provider, if your stepkids our older then your kid the daycare has probably know her longer so explain that must never happen again, or you will take your business elsewhere.

If your baby is only 1, why was she anywhere near him? I doubt those ages are in the same room. I would be ticked!

I understand how this could be weird. My SD has a set of baby brothers with her BM. I am friendly with BM so I go into their home weekley during drop offs/pick ups. I wanted to hold the twins so badly but I didnt feel comfortable just picking one up or even asking. Eventually BM just handed one to me and said "you can hold him". I did. I thanked her and told her I had been wanting to ask...but didnt want to cross a boundry. She laughed at me and said "OMG I send you one of my babies every week...what would be the problem with you holding one of the others!?" It made me feel alot better. Now I even babysit them (SD & her brothers) for her on occassion when its not our week to have SD. SD loves it and thinks its great that I can come spend time at her other house and BM and SF arent even there. Her brothers know me and recognize me and come running to me when I show up. It's great now but was awkward getting there. I agree that since she sends her child to you regularly...that making to huge of a deal about her simply holding your bio would make a rift that would be hard to repair. If peace and and co-existince is your goal I would certainly not saying anything to DH or BM...and maybe just drop your hint to daycare. Once your son is older and crawling/walking you might not be able to stop him from going to her because he will recognize her...but at least while he is still a baby you could metion you would like him not to be held by anyone other then staff. (not pinpointing BM, but maybe they will get the hint)

Awe that poor baby. Then he had to be scrubbed after skids BM touched all over him.

I know how you feel. When my BS (2 tomorrow) was born, we brought him with us to one of SD's soccer games. BM came over with her parents and said "OMG, He is beautfiul, so big" blah blah..Then BM gave DH this look..the look of "omg can i hold him can i hold him?" DH looked at me and grinned and handed me our 8 week old over to me and I just glared at BM. If I could growl and raise hair on my back, I would have LOL.

I understand how you don't want to make waves, but this is your child. Firstly, if you really are bothered by this, then say something because it may continue. Speak with the lady at the day care and explain to her that you're not happy with anyone who is not authorized to hold your child. It's not ok. Secondly, no one other than you and the lady at the daycare should be allowed to touch your child. Just because BM knows you and you're in this situation together does not give the daycare lady the right to assume that you're fine with it.

I would kick BM's ass

Ew. Seriously? I would have had the cops called to that daycare center. They had no right to let her hold your son. Makes me cringe.

I've been thinking about this, and it just hasn't really sat right with me all day. I think I've finally put my finger on why. It's almost like she's sending you a message because I'm sure she knew your DH would say something to you about the text or that you might see it. Something like "See just how close I can get to your kid?" or "Now you know how I feel when you're with *my* kids." It's petty, but in a way goes beyond petty. It just seems very creepy to me.