I too deal with that. She calls everytime they look cross-eyed at each other (the SK's that is) and asks DH what she should do about it. But then never follows thru because it would make her look 'bad'. He's even offered to tell them HE'S the one that suggested the punishment but she says no. They're flunking school, miserably. After the 3rd grading term with no improvement, she calls and says "what should we do?" DH says "take away their computers, their PS3, make them spend the time studying." 2 hours later, my DS tells my DH, "SK is online playing the same game as me and wants me to tell you hello for him". Now, isn't that just an interesting dig. SK *WANTED* DH to know he didn't get his priviledges removed. Then that leaves DH feeling like if punishment is not doled out at their primary home, he can't hold them to it here, or heaven forbid they'd get mad and not want to come over again.

Both SK's have beaten the crap out of each other (literally, physically, both of them had black eyes) over that stupid Call of Duty game. They were trying to beat each other on the game, and it turned into beating each other with the controllers. 15 year olds. Really. But no consequences ensued.

In a way, I feel sorry for the skids (sorta, but not really deeply), as they will grow up to be entitled, thinking they can act however they want to act and all will be OK and forgiven without any accountabilities. But as a parent, I know how I feel when one of my kids make a bad choice -- sort of like I somehow failed as a parent. So I wonder if my DH will feel that way too. Not saying he's such a stand-up sort, as he lets them get away with way too much so that he doesn't have to deal with their anger or that of the BM which I totally HATE. It's just terribly unfortunate that some parents do not have the ability to think into the future and guesstimate what this type of behavior is going to grow into.

EXTREMELY common. Until the courts start taking this undermining co-parenting and contempt of the CO/DD seriously and treat it as a prosecutable offense, life will continue as it has.

Basically the (mostly) CP BMs call the shots and the dad is just a wallet. Leaving the BM free to non-parent and be a BFF to the children, thusly making daddy an ogre (and SM of course, too)

Same thing happened here. The Behemoth does whatever she damn well pleases. She now has a FOSTER teenaged boy looking after her bio eight yr old son. She's a CPS worker and plays the MOTY role to the hilt, but in reality, only has kids around as "trophies" and a means to extract CS.

All three of her bios (SS14, SD12, SS8 )are failing miserably academically but are still allowed to particpate in any extra curricular activity they want to. The School district even told GG (biodad) that his opinion didn't count as he is the NCP. (he has joint legal custody which means NOTHING in NYS)

Here is my advice on the campouts...I am committee chair for a very large Boy Scout troop and have been for 5 years. I believe the camping and Boy Scouts is a great thing for a kid. I would have the Dad call the Scoutmaster and tell him the situation. Please note, you will piss off the BM, but really who cares at this point. Tell him the situation about the grades. A scoutmaster acts as a guidance counselor a lot with these boys and may be able to make him understand. It may motivate him. I would try that before you take away something that actually helps these young boys grow into fine young men.

I do think he should go to Boy Scout Summer Camp if he can, only because of the Merit Badges he will finish. If he has any goals at all with scouting and wanting to achieve the Eagle Rank, he has to attend summer camp every summer during his first 4 years in Boy Scouts.

As for missing scout meetings, we have had boys miss because of their grades. We even had a boy not have his Eagle Ceremony for a year until he brought up his grades. I thought that was extreme, but his ceremony is next week so it must have worked.

We have had issues like this with our BM and the only thing that works at all, is calling her out on every one of these unilateral decisions.

It works sometimes, but most of the time, she does what she wants. We have just learned to accept it...we know someday that the kids will realize that Dad had rules for a reason and mom didn't and they would have been better off here full time.

OUr bm does the same-calls saying that she doesnt know what else to do to get ss to mind or do his homework or bring up grades. Dh suggested she pull him out of baseball. She acted like he suggested, "Beat him black and blue and lock him in the closet for the next week". She actually got angry at him and yelled at him and said how dare he think of depriving him of that and she would never do that. Ok. Whatever. Why call then if you dont want to hear it?

My dh has let my ss get away with so much so he's no better than bm either-but if I were YOUR dh I would do what I could to stop this. Is summer school "recommended" or "required". This could be something he could take to court if the school feels strongly enough that he needs to go (I would tink he would since he's failing classes and all). And bottom line, Why of why would anyone give thier kids these privileges when they wont even do their freaking homework? That's like my employer giving me a paycheck even though I refuse to work while I'm there.

Why not just pull him out of the AP Math? Sounds like he can't handle it. Also, 9th grade is way too young for AP classes. They are not mature enough for that kind of work.

By Life Scout he should not need summer camp at all unless he is missing most of his Eagle required patches.