I want to explode.....
So I do all the cleaning and laundry. I finalley stood up for my self and said hey this is bullshit those kids aren't yours. No longer will I do there laundry or clean there room you want them you need to be taking care of them. Kids got here this weekend with no clean clothes and piss sheets to lay on. I feel horrible for the kids but I want to stand by what I believe. And that's I'm here for him not the kids. Yes I'll be nice to them, big step for me, but I am not doing all the motherly chores. I am not there mother and I am here to help not make it where he does nothing.
The other thing is like I said I do all the cleaning.'he will do a dish here and there but won't load it. Well yesterday I left the plate after lunch out and it had a peace of chicken on it. He got upset I didn't pick it up! Said chicken is to good to leave out. Then do it your damn self I do it everyother time sorry I was lazy. He has no car that good for the kids so I am obligated to be here. What if something happens to one of the girls. He'd have no way to take them anywhere. He currently is taking my car too and from work leaving me starandaded. Not able to look for a summer job. I just want to scream
- Ninja chick's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
**LIKE**^^^^^^
**LIKE**^^^^^^
^^THIS^^
^^THIS^^
I admire you. There's a pile
I admire you. There's a pile in the living room right now waiting to be hung and put away. *sigh* I best get to it. . . in a few minutes. . .
I make 1200 a month going to
I make 1200 a month going to school and am an office assistans as needed I want more work sense 1200 a month will be gone when school is done. So I am expected to pay half and work and do all the house hold
Chores.
No. you are not
No. you are not
I was in the marines for
I was in the marines for 4years GI bill
If you need to interview for
If you need to interview for a summer job, take him to work and pick him up. Tell him you need the car that day for job searching or interview.
Do the kids not have any
Do the kids not have any chores? I'm not sure about their ages but its never too early to start teaching them responsibility...I know house work can be frustrating, especially if you would rather be working outside the house, and when it feels like no one else is helping but everyone is contributing to the mess...perhaps having each kid do a chore will help.
Ok let me clear something up
Ok let me clear something up I make money by going to school full time and work part time want a full time summer job. I pay half of all the bills i make my own car payment and I pay all the luxury bills. I spend more every month then him pay his ph and insurance bill.
You are earning your own way
You are earning your own way and carry your weight financially. You are not required to act as a babysitter or SAHM. Your job is your work and your education.
Why did everyone assume I was
Why did everyone assume I was a SAHM?
I needed to go back through
I needed to go back through your old blogs. I was simply stating that you are not required to be considered a SAHM.
Ya I can understand that. I
Ya I can understand that. I should of been more clear and I make money cause I server for four years so the GI bill.
Ya I can understand that. I
Ya I can understand that. I should of been more clear and I make money cause I server for four years so the GI bill.
You've lead the way here, I
You've lead the way here, I think.
I did it too. I was a taxi driver, a nanny, a maid, a counselor, a secretary, a mediator, and a the National Bank of Colorado Girl.
I allowed it. I even encouraged it. I thought if I was all those things then my new husband and his girls would bow down and think I was the greatest thing to ever grace them with my presence. I thought I NEEDED to do all those things.
Turns out I was really, really wrong.
You're realizing this as well I think. That not only is it not your job - but it's kinda bullshit that it has become an expectation. You trained them though, you've enabled this thinking. So you have to have to lend an understanding that now that you've put your foot down and saying "no more" that there will be some negative reactions...
It's like giving your child cookies every day after school - and then one day saying "you know what, I change my mind - no more cookies".
You have to expect temper tantrums and explanations why maybe cookies every day after school isn't the best idea.
Have you been clear why you've said no more? Why the sudden change? Maybe a different approach could be taken? Instead of "they are not my children so I won't take care of them approach", could it be more about "I need to take better care of myself and feel like I'm doing more than my fair share" approach?
Maybe?
~CG
Ive been clear it's cause
Ive been clear it's cause that not mine or his that is all in my previous blogs.
I'm a returning member and
I'm a returning member and lazy [especially since Admin has taken away the function to track comments] so I haven't read any of your blogs. This is the first one.
Your situation just feels very familiar to me is all. I'm just trying to help.
I actually went to therapy to learn how to set boundaries with my husband - and learn just how much I was contributing to my own demise. It was the only way I was ever going to stay married to the monster I had created.
Long hard road. I also learned just how important it is to start setting boundaries and getting what I needed from the relationship with "I need..." NOT "You need to..."
Best professional advice I ever received in learning to communicate better with my partner in this life.
No no I was agreeing with you
No no I was agreeing with you just letting you lnownibsaid it better then they aren't mine you do it.
The worst part is he has a
The worst part is he has a truck a car and a motor cycle that he has let the inspection/insurance go out on so can't drive. Says he has no money to do it bit he's bought guns and a gun safe and many other man toys that could have paid for more then the things he needs done.
So what happens when you
So what happens when you say....
"I need my car during the day, especially when I am taking care of children. The current situation is not working for me where you take my car and leave me without transportation. You have one month to come up with another way to get to work"
He throws a fit
He throws a fit
And so let him throw a fit.
And so let him throw a fit.
My money is that he would figure it out. You're enabling him not to pay for his insurance and inspections. He found a solution by driving your car and you allowed it - even when he bought other things.
Even though it FEELS unfair to you. You are TELLING to him it's OK. He doesn't know how you feel - only what you tell him.
Your job in this is to figure out why you allow your needs to be less important than his. His priorities may be screwed up, but that has a lot to do with you telling him that it's acceptable thru your own actions and words.
It's a fair boundary - no accusations ("You have money to buy gun cases and toys!"). Just communicating what you won't allow. "I feel like you have the means to figure this out. I know you must be frustrated with me for changing my mind. I want and need my car back. I'm sorry you feel differently, but it is my car and I get to decide."
The rest is up to him. I'd bet that he'll figure out a way.
Thank you that helps a lot
Thank you that helps a lot
his priorities are mixed up.
his priorities are mixed up.