Happy SD18th Birthday to Me
SD finally turned 18 today. The run up today has had a little intrigue and drama, but I suspect there will be more to come as we complete this transition. The last 3 years have been the easiest since SD dropped contact after we learned she flunked the 9th grade and wanted her transferred to the high school DH teaches at. We only see her when presents are involved. Still no word on whether SD will be graduating from high school. Child support runs through her normal graduation date, so one more month of CS payments to go.
I’m a little worried about how this summer will play out. My facebook snooping on SD has revealed a 25-year-old BF that works as a head shop as a glass blower. There have been lots of posting about various rave style concerts, and comments on other friends pages after pictures have been posted of water pipes and other types of pipes. DH and MIL are going to be disappointed with SD doesn’t come for the birthday party they have planned 2 weekends from now. Accord to facebook, SD will be at a 3 day rave party in the woods of CA. Still don’t know what last falls house arrest/court appearance was all about. None of these gives me reasons to hope SD will be pulling her head out of her butt anytime soon and I worry a drug rehab or pregnancy might be in the near future.
I’m debating inviting MIL to lunch and giving her a heads up about what I suspect from facebook. DH has been doing to ostrich things for the last 3 years since SD cut off contact except where gifts were involved. He won’t be happy if I enlighten him with what I suspect, since he thinks I only see the worst in SD (sometimes it takes someone that isn’t a parent to see the truth IMHO). MIL might be a better avenue for at least making him aware of SD’s activities and lifestyle.
Tomorrow I’m going to celebrate the end of my SD sentence with a fellow SP with a fantastic lunch. Too bad even though EOW visitation and CS are now fading into the sunset, SD will still have some minimal part to play in my life and likely my pocketbook.
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Woo hoo!! I am thrilled for
Woo hoo!! I am thrilled for you dear and look forward to our 'sentence' ending next year, at 21 for SD - but will hopefully still need to help her for 2 more years of college after that. We plan at minimum a big dinner and possibly a trip somewhere, to celebrate.
I applaud you trying to keep an eye on her, and I know how it is that our DHs don't want to hear it. I am the one who has taken the hardest line w/SD, and supposedly she is now better than she was.
I have found the most peace re. my SD by saying, whatever she does, she is the one who will have to live with it. I am not paying for her mistakes, ever, ever, ever. They have the same chances we all did, to figure it out and if they don't, it is on them. IMO!!
Enjoy your lunch!!
Good questions! One, if
Good questions! One, if presents were up to just me, they would have stopped when bad behavior started. But not up to me. SD is only child and only grandchild, MIL will never stop presents as she know this might be only way to see her. DH is the same.
Two, last year SD canceled her own party 3 different times, a few the day of. Finally showed up on fourth try. MIL would not give up, just kept rescheduling. DH, to his credit, was ready to throw it in after the 2nd cancellation. This year's party tactic by MIL and DH was to schedule a date 2 weeks after her bday and email SD in advance. I'm the only one that knows she will be at the rave concert that weekend. SD has not yet responded to email about the birthday party and she is the type that probaly won't respond, so I'm just goin to enjoy watching this year's train wreck.
Almost nothing of the way the whole SD situation is handled is up to me. I do put my foot down when my finances are involved (since I make 2x what DH does). But otherwise I have tried to just disengage but keep my eyes and ears open.
Confused, why does CS stop at
Confused, why does CS stop at 18 if she doesn't graduate? I mean, I think that's great...but where did you hear that? What state?
Oh yes, congrats!
In Utah, it is 18 or high
In Utah, it is 18 or high school graduation whichever is later. So June 1 will technically be the last CS payment. I'm glad she has a late birthday in the school year or I would probably be bugged about paying CS for an 18.5 yr. old.
Brutally, I am soooo
Brutally, I am soooo incredibly happy for you!!
I must admit, the title of your post "Happy SD18th Birthday to Me" certainly caught my eye...it's true, isn't it?!? That when a stepchild turns 18, it truly is a CELEBRATION for us SM's/FSM's, just in a different way than the way the bioparents and everyone else celebrates it.
We stepparents sometimes endure a long, hard, emotionally turbulent road (the "ups and downs") with this whole crazy life that is called stepparenting. It's nice to know that there really is a "light at the end of the tunnel" - even if it's mostly a symbolic one.
I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE reading posts like this. It gives me such a feeling of RELIEF when yet another SM makes it through to the proverbial "other side" - when stepchildren turn 18 and become adults (and there is no longer a LEGAL obligation to continue to financially support them almost 100%, since we all know that most of these BM use 0% of their own funds to support THEIR OWN CHILD).
Also, I can totally relate to a DH/FDH with "ostrich" syndrome. I love my FDH with all my heart, and he HAS gotten "better" over the years since I met him, but I honestly can say that it's amazing how a father can just go through life with his head totally buried in the sand to all of the "antics" of their kids - literally be almost BLIND to what they're doing, who they REALLY are, etc... Yep, my FDH is the same way with FSD16.5 - it's scary, isn't it? If I didn't experience it with my OWN EYES (how clueless my FDH is to everything that is FSD), I wouldn't believe it.
I am envious/jealous of your access to your SD's FB page - that would be AWESOME if I could somehow figure out how to have that!!! Mind if I ask how you're able to see her page?? Yep, we SM's/FSM's have to "go stealth" with these stepkids just to be able to keep up with what they're up to. I think it's VERY smart of you to do that, because I personally believe that it's always a good idea to keep one step ahead of the skids' antics. Better to KNOW what they're up to than be caught off-guard and clueless to all the drama.
Of course, the BM's are the FIRST ones to TEACH the skids to be AS SECRETIVE AS POSSIBLE with their Dads, so all of this behavior by skids is actually ENCOURAGED & sanctioned by most of the BM's. Even in a 50/50 custody situation (as ours is), the BM's are STILL teaching the kids to be secretive (the BM's always love to have all the CONTROL and be the only one "in the know" when it comes to what the kids are up to).
So your SD will be going to a 3-day rave instead of her own party being thrown by your DH and MIL?!? LOL!! Just makes me laugh about how stupid your DH & MIL are, really. They are dealing with a disrespectful, selfish moron in this young woman, but yet they CONTINUE TO ALLOW the disrespect to happen (as they have over the last 3 yrs of no contact). So, whatever happens to them happens. If I were you, I wouldn't say ONE WORD about all of this to your MIL or anyone else - you don't have to "warn" them - let them LEARN DIRECTLY about exactly how disrespectful and selfish your SD truly is - as they say, let her "hang herself" with them herself!!! Give her more and more rope, eventually it'll happen.
Again, congrats Brutally!!!! So happy for you that your CS "sentence" is ending now (hopefully)! Go out and CELEBRATE!!! You made it! This is such an inspiration to the rest of us!! I hope your life (and your finances) go much more smoothly now.
SD hasn't set her page to
SD hasn't set her page to private, so even though we aren't FB friends, I can still see her page. My page on the other hand has the most strict privacy settings because I don't want people that aren't my friends to see anything. She has no idea that I can see her page and I haven't yet told anyone besides a few very close girlfriends what I have found and suspect. If the hammer does come down at some point, she might figure it out, but then DH and MIL can technically see her page anytime too. You could set up a dummy account from what looks like a hot boy from a neighboring school and see if she accepts the request....
Does that work if the records
Does that work if the records are for a minor? She would have been 17 at the time. If so, I think I will try it just so I know what to be prepared for.