I dont see anything wrong with it, (BECAUSE) you said you did it last year and every summer she gets it cut, (BUT) as the birth mother, she probably felt as if you did something with HER daughter that she is suppose to do....no matter how small it was ....thats how the BM's are! Now you can also have a lazy one that would say "ooh Im glad I don't have to do it" .....Who cares a lot of times with sk's your damned if you do and damned if you don't

Gotta say... As a BM I would be upset. As a SM, I would NEVER take a skid to get anything more than a slight trim.

Your DH knew she would be mad, how did you not know she would be mad?

Ugh my DD's FSM took her to get her hair cut a few months ago without saying anything to me. Yes, it pissed me off. It wasn't her place to do that. I have no problem with her as an authority/parental figure in her house, but there was no reason to cut her hair without asking.

I would never dare to take my SD for a haircut. That is seriously overstepping my SM boundaries. SD can say all the time how she'd like to cut her hair, it is not my place as a SM to "let her be who she is" and go along with it. That's just asking for trouble in my opinion.

Obviously you're going to see people come down on both sides of this issue. I personally am not particularly uptight about my kids' hair. It grows back, right? And it's not on my head, it's theirs. I let them pick how they want to get it cut. As long as their stepmom asked me in advance, I probably wouldn't have a problem with her getting it cut. However, I would have a problem with her doing it without giving me a heads up first. That's just common courtesy.

That being said, I NEVER took SD to get her hair cut. Her dad only did it twice because BM was so picky about it. So we left it up to her and everyone was happier that way.

I don't have anything to do with SS11's hair. BM has been obsessed with not cutting it and letting it grow long. DH and I think because she wanted a girl so badly, she insists on SS's hair being so long that he looks like a girl, LOL. SS11 lives with us and sees BM EOWE so all I do is remind DH that SS is due for a haircut and remind him to make the appointment. MY DD12 has curly hair and if she had a stepmother, I would hope that stepmom would talk to me first before doing anything different with her hair. But then again, DD12 is almost 13 and I haven;t been able to style her hair much since she was 6! Not kidding, she has a very independent streak in her and has been doing her own hair ever since then!

Our BM actually had it put in the divorce decree that she was in charge of haircuts. WTF they were 5 & 7 year old boys. I think girls are a different story.

For years she gave the youngest a hiney at home, btw she is not a hairdresser & that was apparent. The worst was when he had a hiney with bangs, OMG it was awful. Then the oldest went through a long hair phase & kind of looked like he had a long bob. Him she would take to great clips, till he got a mullet by accident. He ended up going in with me to get it fixed because I was getting a haircut & he begged to go with. BM was relieved, I can't remember if DH called her first or not.

Now we are at a stage where they have nice short professionally done haircuts. They see the same barber as DH & BS do. Infact BM & her BF go there too. We are at a point now where if we have something going on either DH or I can take them in & she could care less.Dh & all 3 boys have thick hair that grows quickly, they all have the same cowlick in the same place & all 4 have the same haircut for the most part.

I am a step parent and a parent if it was my child I would be upset but at the same time I have had to take my SD for a hair cut when her mother was neglecting taking care of her so guess it depends on why you did it

I'd be mad if anyone took one of my dd's to get their hair cut off-even my dh! As a mom to girls with long hair-I want to be part of the decision making process. My girls are 9 and 13. I think boys are a bit easier. We had custody of ss for many years and got him regular hair cuts-one summer bm had him and shaved his head-I mean literally shaved every bit of it off. He has platinum blond hair so even the stubble that grew up could not be seen for a distance-so he just looked like this odd looking bald kid. He got made fun of by other kids-our hairdresser cringed when she saw him. Dh ripped her a new one. She told him that her hubby shaves his head when it starts to get warm and ss wanted to look like stepdaddy. Yikes! She never shaved him again, he lives with her now-sometimes dh will still take him for a haircut-but that's all it is-a standard trim, boys haircut. She doesnt mind as that means she doesnt have to pay for it or have her mother chop it up and mangle it.

I'll throw my two cents out there; I think you were wrong and I agree with the other people that you over stepped. More than an over-step, it was a giant leap over any and all boundaries. I notice how you keep saying that it was done before, but what if BM was waiting for some reason? I think it was out of line. Not only because you didn't speak with the BM about it first, but also because you didn't even mention it to her father. What would have happened IF dad didn't like it?? Once you cut hair, you can not go back.

As a BM and SM myself, I must say I would have been LIVID if someone cut my daughters hair off..Even my DH. A "bob" is a huge change that should be left up to the parents. I remember when my SD was 5 DH and I took her to get a trim -one inch- and BM blew her top when she picked up SD. She called DH a piece of shit and a coc*sucker infront of SD. It did not go over well. We learned our lesson that time.

Maybe you should take this as a learning experience. I would make this the last haircut with SD. If she brings up something like that again, just explain that her mother would enjoy sharing that type of thing with her.

Even after the little girl expressed concern that her mother would be mad, you still took it upon yourself to have her hair cut without so much as a mention to either parent.

Good grief.

I recently had a good little row with BM about my SD4's hair. We have 50/50 custody, and on BM's time SD cut her own hair. REALLY cut it. BM took her to the barber shop to get it fixed, and it turned out to be a mullet. It looks aweful.

DH said "take her to get it fixed", which I thought about, but here's the thing. I have 2 daughters of my own, and one SD8 that we have full custody of. My 1 year old and SD8 have their hair cut like me, a short pixie cut. For SD8, that's what she wanted. For baby, it's easy. My DD7 models, and I'm very particular about how her hair is cut and what products are used on it. I would implode if someone took her and cut her hair.

So I called BM and asked if I could get the hair fixed by taking SD to my hairdresser and getting a pixie cut. She really doesn't want her daughter to have short hair, and while the current hair disaster disgusts me, it's her ONLY daughter, she only has her half the time, and if this is important to her, I begrudgingly kind of understand. My children's other parent lives with me and I don't have to part with my kids or deal with other people making decisions for them, so while I wish she would take a long walk off a short plank, I try not to make BM's miserable wallow any worse than she's made it for herself.