Shameless Support-Seeking
On here all the time (way to much in fact) but haven't posted lately. RECAP: DH is CP to his 2 sons (10 & 13). BM is a felon w/ drug convictions and has made repeated threats against our family. BM gets supervised visitation (her parents are the supervisors) Sat @ noon til Sun @ 6 pm. This has been the court order since 2007. She usually spends between 6 - 10 hours of that time with them. She kidnapped oldest SS in January, we got an Emergency Order & SS back immediately and were forced to go to mediation which is free in NC so, fine. DH made sure that their mediation was separate with the mediator relaying all messages back and forth b/c BM is crazy (aren't they all?). BM talks to mediator first and tells mediator that:
---BM and DH have 50-50 custody (lie and we had the CO on us)
---She wants DH to have a psych eval (which DH said OK if she pays but she's currently trying to get on disability for mental illness so who's the crazy one here?)
---She wants oldest SS13 M - F (SS13 was LIVID b/c he wants to be w/ supervising parties on the weekends b/c they take him to church where he sees his girlfriend)
---She wants youngest SS10 Th - Su (SS10 was livid b/c he doesn't want to be pawned off on supervising parties which is what she does b/c she doesn't particularly like SS10)
Both SSs were livid b/c they don't want to be separated.
DH had offered (against my advice) to let her have unsupervised visitations every weekend as long as latest boyfriend (assault charges pending) wasn't around. BM walked out of mediation before she even heard that DH was also demanding drug counseling, parenting classes, etc. But we did the math and if she took this deal she would actually get MORE time with the boys than we get. She turned it down and now it's up to her to take us to court to try to modify the existing order but she can't afford a lawyer. SO...we'll continue on with the current order and now all negotiating is done.
Her parents are the supervising parties and they have allowed her in the past to take SSs out of their supervision and they tell SSs not to tell us (I love "good Christian folk"). Here's my prediction: She will continue to take the boys from the supervising parties and we'll file additional contempt of court charges (one currently pending from the kidnapping incident).
But we won't take her back to court for anything else b/c the current CO is OK by us.
No question here. Just hoping that writing this down will make the heart pain from stress go away. And I'm just shamelessly support-seeking. Hugs to you all.
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Hugs back to you. Sounds like
Hugs back to you. Sounds like a no brainer for courts
*hugs*
*hugs*
the minute i heard of the
the minute i heard of the supervising party allowing the supervised to take the child outside of supervision, i'd cease all visitation until a future court date :O and get a court appointed supervisor paid for by HER (here in oklahoma they are 200 an HOUR). they wont "negotiate" anything with her, and they will document if she does not excercise her rights
I hear ya but DH is still
I hear ya but DH is still trying to be the nice guy (he's getting better, though - baby steps). Our lawyer tells us that if we take her back to court for he custody modification (switching of supervising parties) that there's always a chance we'll get a pro-BM judge. So instead of rolling the dice we're going to keep filing contempt charges and when we get several racked up we may go the restraining order route. We're just going to spend some time building our case. I also am trying to talk DH into mentioning to supervising parties that we may be able to charge THEM with contempt as well. They don't want that mess.
I love DH and he is a great father and husband. Truly amazing, in fact. He wants his sons to have a relationship w/ their mother and despite her brain cooties he wants his kids to know that he is doing everything he can to facilitate their relationship with her. DH also let the supervising parties know what we were offering and I think they are pissed that she didn't jump on the deal. Their support will be the final lynch pin in the inevitable custody case.
Geez. Sorry for the long-winded response. I've been holding all this in since Tuesday and I think I'm finally bursting all over the place!
yeah THEY too can get
yeah THEY too can get contempt on them. i was/am HIGHLY considering supervised (wont go there right now) and while thinking of appropriate "supervising party" my attorney said whom ever i chose and was ordered, if they go against the CO THEY can have charges filed against them
it's a mess, i'm NOT going to go through a divorce again...nope i'll live seperately and still married to dh if i have to
Not sure which county you're
Not sure which county you're in, but many here in NC have supervised visitation centers that operate on a sliding scale for payment. BM of course should bear the cost of supervision.
I understand dealing with a mentally ill BM, and the issues surrounding the desire to maintain the relationship. Given the history, it sounds like these kids need a professional supervisor, not just " good christian folk" Ha! These supervisors also monitor/take notes on the interaction and can be invaluable as witnesses for custody modification.
Good luck!