SS11 is leaving today to go to BM's for spring break (thank goodness). DH is out of town until late Thursday for work (again). He left Sunday so it's my job to get SS on the plane. Yesterday I thought it would be good to take him to the store to get ear plugs (I know the pressure changes seem to REALLY bother him... mmmhmm... :rollingmyeyes:) and to pick out an assortment of snacks for his plane ride. I was also planning to take him to an early movie and lunch. I got dressed and then went out to get some toast. I knew he was up since 7 or so (playing video games non-stop, of course), so I called upstairs to him. He walked over to the top of the stairs and I saw that he was on the phone. No biggie. I just said, "When you're done talking, go ahead and get dressed, OK?" He nodded and I went to the kitchen. About 5-10 minutes later, he yells downstairs, "Hey, do you want me to take a shower?" (I still don't know why he asks me that. We always take showers in this house. It's clearly rare at his BM's gnat- and roach-infested abode.) I replied that, yes, he should take a shower. He fires back, "But why am I getting dressed so early?" I said, "It's almost 11. It's not early." He replies, "But it's not even noon." I wanted to snap, but I didn't.

At that point, I took a deep breath, centered myself and simply said, "Get dressed..." I heard him walk back toward his bedroom, muttering something to whomever he was talking to on the phone. WTF? Now there is something wrong with me asking a child to actually get dressed for the day, in the morning before noon? And why do I not think those were even his words?

Shortly after that, SS7's school called me. The teacher said she'd called BM and DH and hadn't been able to reach them so she was calling me because SS didn't want to eat the lunch they had today and his mom hadn't packed a different one for him. :jawdrop: The woman I talked to said the only other option was that they could make him a PB&J sandwich, but he had "declined that," so she was checking to see if I could bring him something. I told her I could not, but that a PB&J would be fine for him. She also said they had salad and yogurt, and I told her he eats both of those as well... WTF?! If he was my BS I would never put up with such prima donna bullshit! The world does NOT revolve around any one person, so why train your children as if it does? You eat the fucking lunch like everybody else or you don't. But, barring any food allergies, why would you intentionally CREATE a super picky, bitchy little boy?

I say all that to get to the bigger issue. I now see that I hate the way DH parents. I hate the way his children are, and the fact of the matter is that it makes me question whether or not I would ever want to have bio children of my own with him. I don't want my children to act like his or even be around his kids. And I would NEVER want my biokids to be around his family or his exes. They are some of the least free-thinking, least open-minded people I've ever met. God forbid anything happened to me after having kids. I could not do that to my kids. This realization is making me question my marriage and my future with my husband. I love him as a man, but I do not feel comfortable with how he is as a father. Beyond that, I hate being a stepmom (shocker, I know... smh) and I feel bad about it. When I tell DH even a little about how much I am not coping with this role he gets really upset and says, "You said you wanted a family!" I did. I do. But, you guys, I don't know if this is the one for me... I feel like I might have made a huge mistake.

Sigh... I'm really trying to figure this out. Any advice/encouragement (even if it's in the form of tough love because I'm being an asshole and don't realize it) is appreciated... How do I communicate these things to DH withouth hurting him more than it already will? Do I grin and bear it and wait for these feelings to pass? I just don't see how they will...