my H left his phone here before class and I usually dont snoop through his things honestly. He usually tells me if he starts talking to any other women like if he works with them and he'll tell me about them. I usually dont care. (and now that things are going south between us, I virtually dont care at all) but I just had a slight feeling, so I went through this text messages and his contacts. There is someone under his contacts labeled "savior" and only one text message from him to that person saying "hi boo, or should I say stranger" so I went online and looked at when he's talked to this person, and no text messages besides that one, but a few phone calls back and forth the past few days. He KNOWS that I sometimes look at the history and have given him the password to look at mine if he wants. We are on a family plan as well and Im the primary account holder.

He told me last night that he doesnt like 'not getting what he wants' i.e. sex. but I am JUST NOT IN THE MOOD and I feel guilty because I know hes not getting what he wants, but when I attempt it, he knows its half hearted. Sex is the last thing I think about. and especially now that I am leaning more on to leaving, its less and less on my mind. He's cheated on bm in the past and when me and him first were talking, we werent completely committed to each other, and he slept with other people. (I didnt, but I did date a few others) and by then my feelings were serious for him and I didnt like that he was doing that. So it almost felt like he was cheating on me, even though we werent 'technically' together.

Just wondering why he has that person under that name, Savior...? well hell maybe they will hit it off and it will make me stop feeling guilty about choosing to get a divorce or not! He deserves to be with someone who can truly give him what he wants... I still will bide my time, I am still kinda scared about what his reaction will be (even though he knows divorce is on my mind)