sm undressing in front of my 8 year old dd-i'm pissed
this will probably piss most you step mom's off, but i don't care i need to vent about a FN SMOM and bio dad
ok so dd told me tonight that her smom is running around the house in her bra and underwear while my dd is in their home...no this is NOT ok yes i will act on this. this is not the first "unstable" act she has done, and she's admited to previous undstable actions to authorities and stopped because i got authorities involved.
i will be contacting her counselor, and possibly my attorney on this (if you knew the whole story you'd understand) just had to vent.
cant wait to tell him if her unstable actions do not stop i will be taking him to court for custody and supervised visitations and get more child support from his sorry ass
ok guys let me elaborate a little more on this woman ok?? They got married when dd was only 3, from the start she showered with her (i understood because dd was little, i showered with her, and she needed that attention in the bathroom)...they have a BAD history of fighting to the point of screaming and yelling and cussing (not a HEALTHY argument, even HIS MOM told me that it was getting out of hand, and told THEM they need to make the home more stable while dd is there), and i asked him AND HER for YEARS (dd was 7 before she finally stopped) to quit showering with my dd for she was too old for this now....DAD'S WORDS "i have told her this but smom refuses to cooperate and it's EASIER to just let her do it her way." so finally I got tired of the complaints and trying to talk to ex and SMOM about it and getting no where, so i called DHS they admited to the allogations and the showering came to a screeching halt (smom even washed dd's body :jawdrop: ....at SEVEN!), they were told to go to parenting classes, marriage and all 4 of us (me, my dh ex and smom) to go to parenting counseling as a group.......they refuse to cooperate. when visitation plans dont go her way, she screams and yells, she has thrown my dd's back pack over hand at ex in front of me, dd, dh, and 2 skids...but because she didn't HURT anyone, there was nothing that could be done.
this home is VERY unstable but there is nothing i can do about it right now, until i get undeniable proof SOMEHOW (why i thought nanny cam), yeah nanny cam is probably illegal, but dd has told ME, COUNSELOR, DH AND EX'S MOM that she feels unprotected there because of the lack of enforcement against smom her dad does not do...he's even told me directly that he cannot stand the way she treats dd, but cant' do anythign about it right now because of money.i can't MAKE HIM enforce anything in his home, i can only watch out for my dd i have heard with my own ears, smom talk to my dd in a VERY disrespectful way out of hate towards me.
dd has already mentioned that she wants LESS visitation with her dad....even though i encourage AGAINST THIS.
i'm not crazy, nor manipulative....just sometimes fail to tell the whole story this is NOT the same as running around in a bathing suit, it IS wrong and my dd is NOT COMFORTABLE with this because she too knows it's wrong. yeah what smom does in her own home is HER business.....unless my dd is there and HER actions create an unstable home in my dd's presence which is an ongoing battle
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i deleted the responses if
i deleted the responses if that's what you mean
THANK GOD!!!!! NO! dd told
THANK GOD!!!!! NO! :sick: dd told me last night they are thinking about adopting...i would be calling DHS left and right on them
Somerg-i guess in your case
Somerg-i guess in your case it's a history of different violations that would cause concern-boundary issues.
I guess though I don't see it as that unusual. My bf always tries to throw on pj's or pants before leaving the room -but the boys have seen him in boxers on ocassion.
My boys still see me in underwear on ocassion-if i'm runnign to dryer or they come in the room, no big deal.
My Sd has seen me change clothes-and in underwear on a couple ocassiosn when we were trying on stuff. I dont' find it that unusual really-UNLESS it's as in your case a continous lack of boundaries and other problems. The situation as a STAND ALONE issue wouldn't concern me as a BM though
no it is not a stand alone
no it is not a stand alone issue, this home is so unstable that my attorney has already considered supervised visitation and a custody battle
this is least of the matter,
this is least of the matter, but in the 6 years they've been together, they have also gone through 3 dogs...(one they gave away because they couldn't afford shots, a puppy died to parvo due to lack of vet care, and the most recent one died of fleas and ticks, was a full grown pitt, blocked to the back of the yard and per ex-he had been dead for a few days cause signs just said that-y he hadn't checked on his dog a few times a day is beyond me)....wb calling the animal welfare if they get another dog, which they are talking about doing??? and I AM THE ONE that ALWAYS gets to break to the news to my dd that her pets have died at dad's.
you say dd has mentioned
you say dd has mentioned wanting less visitation with dad but you're discouraging that.WHY wouldn't you be on board with her idea if all these things are happening while she's over there??It isn't PAS when you're protecting your child from a crazy person.If it were my child i would start making up reasons about why she couldn't come over there.Then if the excuses didn't appease dad and crazyass,i would tell them flat out 'you're terrible for this child.it is my job to protect her from this madness.deal with it or you can take me to court if you feel you have a leg to stand on.'
ok let me go back a little
ok let me go back a little more in history to explain how i've minimized her visitation.
when our divorce was just finaled he was awarded 5050 visitation and joint custody, seeing as i have no PROOF of the unstableness, i cannot deny him visitation without being in contempt myself, so, i moved far enough away from him (but still within my litigation of the decree) that he volunteered UP his during the week visitation (30 miles out) since then, it's only every other weekend he gets her. which has helped TREMENDOUSLY. the summer time is really the biggest issue we have other than that, she's only there for a few days before she has to come home
no proof,what the heck are
no proof,what the heck are you supposed to use as proof?that's the dumbest thing.you've seen it first hand.you have your daughter to give detailed accounts of what's going on.does she keep a journal of these things with dates?if she doesn't she should.the court system really is NOT set up to protect these kids.it's sad.then they take the ability to protect the kids away from the parents because you have people who abuse the system by making false accusations so no one believes anyone anymore.i feel for your daughter.
that's my question EXACTLY
that's my question EXACTLY how the hell am i supposed to prove all this and i've been shot down by attorney's because i CANNOT prove it. i've e-mailed his mom back and forth and got a lot of it ADMITED but nothing with cold hard proof-that is still not considered hard core proof.
i had a suggestion to buy her a camera phone (she has a cell, mainly because of the unstableness, she's reported to me and his side too, wanting to call someone in the heat of the moment, but they refuse the phone call to her, so i got her a cell so she no longer has to worry about that part) but someone suggested getting a camera phone for her, and let her take "innocent pics" while there so i can have undenyable proof.
tempted to do this
I understand katrinkie, just
I understand katrinkie, just truly at a loss to make the unstablness stop. and feel so bad for my dd, she feels all alone in this and in a sense she is cause there is nothing i can do until someone gets hurt
i've tried that too. when i
i've tried that too. when i called DHS on them for the fighting and showering AT MY REQUEST DHS ordered us all 4 to go to parent counseling, and THEM to go to marriage and parent counseling seperate from me and my dh. my dd has been going to counseling due to this for almost 6 months now. it took me quite some time to get her started because his insurance SUCKS all the referals HIS INS gave me were dead ends because they were no longer accepting his insurance. since (I had to get her on medicaid to get results), he agreed to go and take her (took her to one session), but now he doesn't take her and refuses to attend himself, and has told the couselor himself that his wife will not cooperate. i tried to explain the main reason the counselor wanted him to attend was to help HE AND I and get on the same page of communication. which did not phase him one bit...but he will not go because "neither of them think its valuable".
NOT TO MENTION his sdad, FLAT OUT TOLD MY DD "if you don't want to go, you should tell your mom and she shouldn't be able to MAKE you go?" i'm asking his mom about this today...they have NO RIGHT telling my dd to undermind me like that. THANK god my dd said this in front of my counselor and she basically told my dd the same thing
i havnt' actually spoken to
i havnt' actually spoken to the counselor about that-left her a message and been trying to call her all day, but definately going to find out if there's anything else i can have enforced (like obviously PROVING that they refuse to cooperate with DHS orders) it's close enough i could get supervised visitation ordered but i still need more
thanks, that's not what i was
thanks, that's not what i was looking for but yeah i guess, full details make a huge difference, i am trying to get a hold of my counselor, and half tempted to call DHS BACK on the same case and report their lack of cooperation...idk
and yes that's EXACTLY how she is, if visitation between ex and i are agreed and it's not what SHE wanted....O HELL NO! a few summer's ago, i offered to him to go dibs and get her a season pass to 2 theme parks here in our town, all was good and told him i was getting a discount through my work but that she would HAVE to be there, this DID interfere with HIS time, so we made the arragements that worked out so that dd could be to both activities we had planned that day (his and mine). seemed too good to be true (he had already given me his share :jawdrop: ) so THE DAY BEFORE he calls me, sm has family coming in tomorrow from out of town so dd wont be able to attend. i told him , "your visitation time, and that's fine and dandy but dd wont be able to get the pass if she's not there" (they take the person's pic). so he tells smommy this and SHE FLIPS!!! screaming in the background (literally) FINE LET THE STUPID B TAKE HER, I DONT' WANT HER, NVER DID, SHE'S NOT MINE, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" so in the heat, i jump i and ask him "is dd there?" thank god he told me she was not.....he asked for the money back, she could not attend, told him, you owe it to me anyways for other expenses, YOU canceled OUR plans on me, so no, i will keep it....BLOW OUT AGAIN BY SMOM, i hung up (thank god dd was with her gma on his side)
o AND he's previously told me
o AND he's previously told me that he's told her before that HER refusal to cooperate WILL lose him our dd..............BOY IS HE RIGHT you would think that alone would be enough for him to file divorce against her
o and let me add to the fire,
o and let me add to the fire, i supported her for TWO YEARS full time with less than 100.00 and a box of goods for help from his sorry ass! i FINALLY took him back to court to get child support ordered, and for all the legal fee's and because he did not fight it, i was awarded everything BUT the attorney's fee's (messed up) so ONCE AGAIN money he is due me i have to STILL miss out on because he wasn't ordered to pay the fee's...imagine that you low life sorry ass mooch off mom sorry excuse for a man
yeah, money wins in the court of law. wonder what he's gonna do with the umbilical cord dies on him.
it would be really
it would be really interesting to hear what sm has to say for herself.i bet she thinks her actions are perfectly justified.you can't argue with crazy ya know.
they are, her "justification"
they are, her "justification" is that i'm impossible to work with, although i admit, i can be a REAL PICKLE i'm not THAT impossible, ESPECIALLY when EX has hung around MY HOUSE to avoid going home....yeah i put a stop to that FAST
maux-----it adds to the
maux-----it adds to the instability, and from YOUR perspective i can see EXACTLY what you are saying however, they failed to cooperate with DHS order's DHS told them that their home was unstable.
and i dont' concentrate on her EVERY move, i could care less what happens if it was STABLE for my dd, but it IS NOT
i'm fixing to address
i'm fixing to address that......TRUST ME, i had mentioned this to my attorney and she stopped her litigation because she thought everything was good or getting better.
bm here is fixing to show wrath
that's the take we will take
that's the take we will take if we go that route...can't order smom to do anything but can order to take dd out of the house if failure to cooperate
i talked with counselor,
i talked with counselor, going to call DHS and see what they have to say
I think, from reading this
I think, from reading this post and others, that Somerg is not doing herself any favors by going to DHS, attorneys, etc. on these kinds of things.
Enough unfounded incidences by DHS, and Somerg might find herself on the losing end of the custody stick-it can happen, I have seen it.
And I think one MAJOR problem that needs to be addressed is Somergs kid spying on her dad's household, and tattling about everything under the sun.
aggrivated, what is wrong
aggrivated, what is wrong with "tattling"? if a child finds it inappropriate (and mine does) she is right to say something to someone
and get your story straight, DHS FOUND THEM GUILTY of the last incodent i reported them for and even suggested they as a couple go to parenting and marriage counseling in addition to classes (SUGGESTED BY ME) as a group that included ALL "PARENTS"
and if you call it spying then so be it, it is not a stable home..if you saw begining to end, you'd know that
There is something wrong with
There is something wrong with tattling, when a bio comes home and dishes the dirt on dad's house because they know it makes you happy, and they are playing sides.
you have been saying for MONTHS now you are going to do this, going to do that, calling the attorneys........
the bottom line is-MY KID WOULD NOT BE GOING SOMEWHERE THAT I WAS THAT CONCERNED FOR THEIR PHYSICAL OR MENTAL SAFETY.
So you can't blame those of us who are confused-some of the things you complain about with this SM are so minute and miniscule that you come across as a bitter ex wife, just looking to create trouble.
is that true? I don't know, you are the only one that knows. The advice you have been given about crying wolf, etc, falls on deaf ears. File an emergency order TODAY and get a hearing, and stop putting your daughter in the middle of this mess. Its obvious you hate her SM, of course she knows that.
imo, if it's NOT your bio
imo, if it's NOT your bio child, it's not appropriate AT ALL if it is your bio child, then it's your descression. i wouldn't ever be naked or half naked in front of my sd's or my neice's who are same age as my dd (never have and never will). to ME that's crossing all kinds of boundaries
To YOU it is-but for the SM
To YOU it is-but for the SM it may not be-I understand this isn't a one time scenario...peoples comfort level is different-I would be more concerned if it were a different gender then then SM. BUT women see other women in lockers all the time-I personally don't see the big deal about my sd seeing me in undies on ocassion...it's not purposeful, or intentional but it's not a big deal either.
Well I am a BM and a SM. I
Well I am a BM and a SM. I was really floored when you said SM showers with your DD. My husband use to think it was no big deal if his girls (7 and 11 at the time) were to see me naked...Um yes it is a big deal. Those are not my kids. I do agree with some though on the whole underwear and bra thing because to me that is similar to a bikini. I have never even gone into the bathroom with my skids and vice versa. My DD is 6 and I will wash her hair for her and then she will wash herself.
I also agree that it would be wrong to have your DD spy (so to speak). She is apparently already having a hard enough time and putting her in that position will just make it worse.
Its crazy though because being a BM I don't think I could handle some other woman around my kids. And yet here I am raising (full time) some other womens kids. But she was deemed unfit and my DH got full custody. Being an SM and being able to experience just how fun it is (sarcasm) I really wish BM had realized the complete mess she was making with her childrens lives and had fixed it before it got too bad. I wish she had them full time and we only had them eow. But it is what it is!
This sounds like a lot of
This sounds like a lot of crazy BM stuff. There is nothing wrong with two females dressing or undressing in each other's view. If the SM goes from washroom to bedroom in underwear that is perfectly natural. I don't shower with my SD but I do have to help wash her. If there is abuse or neglect focus on that.
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