I've realized that by being on these boards and thinking back on the root of some of my own demons, I will likely have moments where SM could get "raked over the coals". The thing is, I'm starting to realize things with her are pretty darn good- especially reading how bad a lot of these other situations are. I really just have issues that I've wrestled with my whole life as a result of the TOTAL situation of my early life- and not because there was one parent that was the "bad guy" and responsible for it all.

So, in a sincere effort to make sure I provide a "balanced" picture, I'm dedicating this post to recognizing the things about SM that I appreciate/ like/ am thankful for. In fact, a lot of these insights are kind of new for me- a part of the thinking I've been doing since I've been to this site, so I thought it would be good to capture it all. No negativity here- just the good things

- SM was I think only 22 and I was about 3 when she stepped in as my full time CP. (BM had partial visitation)

- SM had to work extra hard when a couple years (if that) into her marriage to my Dad, he made a career decision that left him little to no time -for a period of SEVERAL months- to do ANY of the work at home/ child-raising.

- SM also had to deal with his generally hands-off approach to parenting for the rest of the marriage anyway. He played a role in discipline and guidance of us kids along the way, and eventually he provided transportation for my brothers later on (when he retired early), but he's pretty "old school" (read: chauvenist)- so even though SM worked Full time like he did, she did most of the household work between the two of them- cooking, cleaning, dry-cleaners, paying bills, changing diapers, getting the kids dressed and shopping for their supplies/clothes for school, taking them to doc/ dentist appt, etc, etc...

- Dad had an accident which left him partially disabled when I was almost in middle-school. This ultimately compounded the stress on the family as a whole.

- When I moved out, and came back to visit for the first time- all ancient history aside- she was genuinely happy to see me. She's funny and we can have a good time hanging at the house or going shopping. We were starting our ADULT relationship on a pleasant foot- and have generally maintained it.

- Although the whole family (on all sides- including her) initially opposed my young marriage, she ultimately stepped in and started planning *and helping to pay* for the wedding.

- There have been a couple times over the years as an adult that I have sought her advice/ opinion about something in my life, and she gave me her take without judgment.

- Last time I went back to visit (it had been a long time!!) I showed up totally unannounced and she was so happily surprised to see me I think she was starting to tear up. That was a beautiful and surprising moment to me- and one that makes me think maybe what we've got is really pretty good now.

As you can see, I've really been putting myself in her shoes more. I'm starting to realize now that I am SO THANKFUL that I never wrote her a letter or confronted her about my childhood at any point (as I wanted to many times) because, ultimately it would have only created obstacles to prevent us from getting where we've gotten today.

She's my Mom. I want what I have with her to be good. Any issues I have as an adult- even those stemming from childhood- are things that I can work through as an adult without feeling the need to dredge anything negative into my current relationship with her. I love her