**Update** to "AM I BEING PETTY?"
I went home at lunch yesterday and grabbed my charger. I decided I wouldn't give him the opportunity to get me all worked up!! When I got home I discovered our laptop was not in our bedroom. I sent DH a text asking if he gave SS13 permission to use it and he said no. I told him I'd let him handle it! (he took it on Saturday also)
He gets home comes in our bedroom and asks me where's the laptop? I said I don't know. (why he asked I have no idea) He goes into SS room and asks him and the kid had the laptop in his bed under all the blankets! My DH flipped ONLY at the fact that it was in the blankets! Came back into room all huffy about it overheating! I was shocked that he did nothing about the fact that SS took it without permission!! Wow! What an expensive charger for his stupid phone!! :jawdrop:
Then a little later everyone was on their own for warming up leftovers! A week ago I taped a sign to the microwave simply asking that you put a paper towel over or under whatever you are nuking! I'm tired of cleaning the splatters!! Right in front of me SS puts his plate of spaghetti with no towel in the microwave. I just stood there waiting for him to be done. When it rang he grabbed his plate and I asked him if he can read the note and he said yes so I made him read it to me! This all in front of DH. So he reads it and then says to me "oh I didn't think I needed one for this." :? What did DH say or do?? NOTHING of course!! I was so pissed I went to bed at that moment without saying another word!
It is so clear to me that SS can do whatever he wants without consequence! I have disengaged from most things but how do I ignore this sort of stuff!! I am angry at DH because he allows this crap to continue!! Do I just let my house fall apart for the next 4 years and ignore the messes and the lies and all the bullshit?
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I feel like I am so pissed
I feel like I am so pissed off everyday and all I do is complain about SS. I know this is how DH feels! I just wish he would parent his damn child because all I want to do now is hide!
I call the kid out everytime and he'll say sorry. Then in the next 5 min he will do the exact same thing he just apologized for! Grrr!!
It just seems like I'm the only one who ever gets annoyed because I'm the only who gives a shit about anything! If I say something about the microwave then DH will surely bring up my BD13 and try to place blame on her as well!! No matter what!!
If you don't complain about
If you don't complain about it, you get to clean it up all of the time like a slave.
If you do complain about you are being a big downer to everyone.
I go through this everyday. My DH says I complain too much. No one ever stops to think that I'm spending my whole life cleaning up after everyone else with no help ever. If I ask nicely, they ignore me, if I'm angry about having to constantly ask, I'm the bad guy.
You won't win.
If you figure out another way, please share!!!!
At that point you should have
At that point you should have told SS to clean the microwave immediately. If he bitched about it being time to eat the response should be "if you can't follow basic instructions, you don't eat".
I agree with Foxie. Up their asses all the time every time.
My wife got on me the other day about SS "can he do anything right in your opinion?". I told her that he did plenty of things right for an 8-12yo but not nearly as much as an 18yo should.
She shrugged and we moved on.
No quarter on this crap. We keep our lap tops locked up so SS won't lay around all day surfing and stay up all night Skyping.
Again, no quarter. If he can't act his age we will treat him the age he acts.
I don't have any advice for
I don't have any advice for you, I'm seeking the same answers myself!! SS13 sounds exactly like my SS13.....Just letting you know your not alone and it sucks big time but one glorious day it will be peaceful, clean, and organized in our homes!! If skids are here at the age of 21 I'm moving out though!! Seriously, I'm nutz when the skids are around, I feel petty too but it's not like their games, lies, dis-respect, etc isn't petty. We are the adults though and have to remember that. Good Luck!! Don't forget to take care of yourself, your time is your time and you can choose how to spend it, with or without the skids!! Getting away more has really helped me, I visit family and friends a lot and go to the grocery store alone! If DH won't correct their behavior with me then he can learn to be without me while they are around. Funny thing is when im home he zones out to t.v. or video games and makes me deal with all the responsibility, but when im not there he has to, by the time I get home the skids are getting chewed up and spit out and sent to bed or to their rooms or he actually makes them find something productive to do around our house!! HaHa...reverse psychology!!
Thank you!! Most days I do
Thank you!! Most days I do feel all alone! I feel like DH thinks I'm mean to his kid but really I'm thinking how can I not be? I have a BD13 and the kids are like night and day! How can I not have the same expectations for SS?
He better move out the day he turns 18!! I can't even allow myself to think of him staying until he is 21! He lives f/t with us and see's BM EOW and you better believe I hope everyday that he chooses to move with her!! HAHA that will never happen!!
My DH too zones out on video games! That is why he never notices the filth I suppose?
"If our DHs can't support us
"If our DHs can't support us on bigger issues with skids, then even "smaller" issues like minor (but considerate) household maintenance (I.e. Microwave splatters) are a much bigger deal to us."
***EXACTLY!!!!*****
I don't think my DH even notices the filth!! I feel like the maid and I have been vocal about that. DH picks up after himself but still allows SS to be the slob he is!! I want to go on strike but I'm afraid no one would notice!!
Eagle - I like Rags'
Eagle - I like Rags' suggestion above - tell him to clean up the mess.
No arguing, no whining, no nagging - be assertive. Stand there until he does.
Assert your adult authority and put this kid back where he belongs.
Rags - where were you when my SS was 13?
Where was I when your SS was
Where was I when your SS was 13?
Beating mine in to submission. Okay, not actually beating but keeping my foot up his ass until his mom finally stepped up and took over the primary discipline role.
"If you don't like how I discipline then you better step up and get it done before I have to because I will do it if I have to".
Works wonders. Put the solution on the BioParent and our lives get much easier. But they (the BioParent) needs to understand that if they don't step up then as Sparents we damned sure will.
I would have taken his plate
I would have taken his plate of spaghetti, threw it away, and said "try again. Cover it up this time."
Its not enough that they just say "sorry". They will always know that they can do whatever as long as they say sorry.
You have to create inconvenience and/or hardship for them. They will learn to do it the right way to avoid the inconvenience.
Your DH should have made him
Your DH should have made him clean up any spatter, but since he didn't you should have handed your DH the sponge/washcloth and told him to do it.