sd (almost 15) and dl
my sd who is going to be 15 in july will have her permit (should) by janurary (as long as bm gets out of her denial phase that her baby is growing up-sd has the maturity level of a 7 year old because bm doesn't teach her responsibility-seriously). Have you gone through this as a sparent and how did it work? did either parent get the driving teen a car and pay for the expenses so he/she could drive themselves and siblings back and forth for visitation?
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yeah i hear that, bm would
yeah i hear that, bm would probably get her working and even use some of her income to pay for expenses bm can't afford (whatever) however, dh and i are VERY picky with school and the edu of ALL the kids, he's already told her that her grades must stay at A's and B's to keep working until hs graduation so if bm doesn't care, ok nothing we can do about it, but chances are she'll get a job that requires her to work on the weekend. when with us....i don't think so, she'll have to call in if anything less than a b
the reason we decided this is cause my mom MADE me go to work to earn it and i did and proud of it, HOWEVER i wish like hell she would've made me put my nose in the books instead so i would've had a harder drive for college (didn't get serious til now and i'm almost 30 and watching all my hs class mates graduate with phd's and i'm just getting started :sick: ).
I agree Foxie, I got my first
I agree Foxie, I got my first job at 15 and saved up enough in a year to get me a cheap car. Made me the responsible person I am today and guess what I STILL love my parents! I don't get these guilty parents.
I'd say let them earn some of
I'd say let them earn some of it...splitting in 1/3's is fine also-HOWEVER personally I think a 15yr old is NOT ready to drive on their own-ESPECIALLY if they are already emotionally immature.
WHY OH WHY this country gives out driver's license before 18 is mind boggling to me.
i hear that, ok (where i
i hear that, ok (where i live) you have to be 15.5 to get learner's permit, pass a state school provided reading test and have so many hours of driving before you can even apply for driver's test, with the permit, you have to have a licensed driver over 18 in the front seat with you.
I know-I think 15.5 is
I know-I think 15.5 is retarded even for just a permit....well...teen crashes/deaths speak for themselves-it's insane. IMO 17 should be the earliest even for permit and 18 DL but that's just me.
I"M ALL for teaching our kids to drive before that with a parent in the car...but once they have that permit chances are they will feel a lot more confident to get out on the road even w/out the parent. JMO though.
I would rather deal w/visitation pickup/dropoff then give the kid driving power before they are ready.
Yeah no kidding! My FSD is 17
Yeah no kidding! My FSD is 17 and can't even make a sandwich without being a baby! She texts and drives and blares her music! No wonder the rate of insurance is so high for these little suckers!
all i know is we aren't
all i know is we aren't paying for shit for skids cars/driving expense and we're not taking them to get their license either. bm can do that since she doesn't own anything, she has nothing to lose if they get in a wreck. since she can't seem to take them to the dr maybe she can step up and take them to get a license
and i 2nd foxie's sentiment
i might do that with my dd,
i might do that with my dd, dunno
That sounds like something I
That sounds like something I would do A Deville also.
well i know for sure i'll
well i know for sure i'll leave "buying their way" up to bm (she's good at that)
i DID promise them a car under SPECIAL HIGH QUALIFICATION circumstances, however, this teen i'm talking about i took the offer away because she's lying her ass off and making ME to be the liar to get herself out of trouble.....i was FLOORED this weekend with her, so i told her our "me" buying a car deal is OFF, yeah she didn't care, she said if i get a job i can get one myself, told her not if your grades arn't a's and b's if you get fired for calling in so much because grades arn't acceptable to your dad and i your f'd....she was ticked }:)
i promised the kids if they graduate THE validictorian of their class i'd buy them a car (not ne thing i have to make pmts on, but something to get them to college and work)
I agree, it seems most of us
I agree, it seems most of us on here have had to buy our first car or at least a portion of it. We all ended up fine and responsible and still treating our parents with respect to this day. I just don't get that generation. I wouldn't give my FSD anything with her attitude, she is 17 and needs a good whippen!
Well. I never had ANY help
Well. I never had ANY help with my first car, nor did my own BD20 from me.
We had to work for all of it while we walked, biked, took the train, bus, etc.
Sorry, not much help on this subject.
I remember missing the bus in
I remember missing the bus in High School and having to walk there. Didn't bother me at all and I didn't have a cell phone to cry to anyone about it. These teens now are so sheltered and babied it seems like, how will they survive on their own I wonder for my FSD!
Somerg - we just went through
Somerg - we just went through this last August - SS got his license and then BM called up asking DH for half of insurance and half of a car - DH said no way - see SS refuses to work and BM wants the car so that he can drive to his friends house and let her live her life - if he actually had a job we might have helped - I personally feel 15.5 - 17 is too young but that is me - BM then told SS that we were going to pay for 1/2 of a car and totally wrecked his summer visit to us last year - she has a habit of wrecking what little time we see him - so after he thanked me for helping and I had to tell him no a huge fight ensued.
Well BM did buy him a car and does pay for car insurance but now does not want to help pay for the travel which is part of the divorce agreement - so we have a fight about that all the time - she wants to keep SS protected and act like they are rich which they are not even though all his friends are so DH and I decided that we will not help contribute to that way of life - she lives for appearance sake and way overspends and is really in debt - so if you and your DH do not want to buy a car or pay for the insurance just remember driving is not a right or essential it is a privilege. So tell BM if she wants to go ahead but don't expect anything from you all!! Good luck this will only work if your DH sticks to his guns and does not give in and pay for anything!!
I read an article once that I think New Jersey raised its driving age to 17 and it decreased the deaths of young people and accidents by half - I think everyone should have to wait until they are 18.
see, the beauty about that
see, the beauty about that (kinda) is dh is not working right now, he is going to school full time (just started) and his graduation wont be until AFTER they are 18+ depending on how he does in his classes and if he wants to take any breaks, etc. So he has talk to me about ANY financial obligations before he can promise them and i have the ultimate say so since i bring home the dough, so really bm would have to take it up with me }:)
Good then you hold all the
Good then you hold all the cards and you better not give in - lol
it would take some SERIOUS
it would take some SERIOUS ass kissing from BM then i'd be a smart ass and ok, i'll buy a car and buy a 2000.00 pos, and keep the title in MY NAME ONLY and the insurance and tell bm she'll have to give ME the money for tag title and tax IN FULL before i turn A COPY of keys to sd.... }:) I already have all that planned out mwahahahaha
CG- Please don't tell me that
CG- Please don't tell me that a car for a SK falls under "travel expenses" in a CO? Really??? A car? I'm think airfare and gas was the extent of that?
@ butterfly, i HIGHLY doubt
@ butterfly, i HIGHLY doubt that includes a car, travel expenses are for BM not the kiddo...if it doesn't specify a car, then don't do it if you don't want to contribute
No butterfly she no longer
No butterfly she no longer wants to pay for half of the plane ticket when he flies out to see us - since we send her the CS every month because she refused to let the state get involved we just subtract it from her CS payments each month - so really to get all pissy and refuse to pay when we control the purse strings is really ignorant on her part - but then again if BM was rational then I would not be here would I?
And there is nothing about paying for a car or college - DH made sure of that even though she tried to put both in the divorce decree along with DH having to have a million dollar life insurance policy for her in case he died before SS turned 18 and he told her that is what social security is for and no way!!!
Oh. I won't be around for
Oh. I won't be around for that scenario but was very curious.
In our situation, H and I
In our situation, H and I each have a car. BM/SF/SD/SS have 4 cars. Skids both have their license however BM refuses to allow them to drive themselves back and forth. Even if we offer to pay for the gas.
SS is 16 and SD is 17.5.
that'll be the PREFERENCE in
that'll be the PREFERENCE in my siti UNLESS bm MAGICALLY comes up with the money for a car (which she probably will) then she'll refuse to let the girls drive it back and forth BUT she'd throw a hissy if we bought one and did the same
so funny, glad i still have a ways to go before that's an issue with my dd
Your parents were still
Your parents were still building responsibility on you and that is the important thing I think at least. Giving kids boundaries and choices with consequences is great IMO. Seems that a lot of parents now are just giving their kids things and expect nothing in return.
my mom made me buy my own,
my mom made me buy my own, although i pride myself that i did and paid in full with cash, i wish she would've made me study harder.
but i guess you live and learn and change what you didn't like about growing up for your kids
yeah i understand that,
yeah i understand that, there's A LOT MORE respect from the kid to the car involved if THEY bought it
I just let it ride with both
I just let it ride with both my bds. When they are ready they kids will do what it takes. My oldest daughter wasn't ready until she was 18. She didn't need drivers education at 18, just took the test. She made her own appointments, etc. My youngest was ready at 16. Signed herself up for driver's ed, paid for it herself, etc. All I had to do was make sure she got to class and took her driving. Driving is a privilage, not a right of passage. And if a child isn't ready to get themselves ready for driving, including paying for it, they are too immature to be driving. at the very minimum they will have to have a job to pay for the expenses associated with driving. the longer that takes, the better. before then I don't believe they are responsible enough. driving is the #1 cause of death in teens. my opinion.
i like your adv, thanks! if
i like your adv, thanks! if they want it bad enough, they'll do it themselves with a little bit of "nothing out of your check book" help
I slacked in school, and my
I slacked in school, and my parents made me get a job at 14. I lived in englad at the time, and 18 was the driving age there. i moved shortly after, so ended up getting my dl and car in the states after. i paid for the dl lessons, the car, gas, and half the insurance.
my middle sister, on the other hand, was given an older car when she got her dl. it seems unfair, but she works her butt off in school, and didn't party, had a 3.8 gpa, even got into an ivy league school (kinda. they aren't officially recognized as ivy league because they have no sports teams)-she's just a good kid. now that she's graduating from a school that has harder academics than MIT, my mom is going to buy her a much newer one.
it depends on the situation. there is very one important thing to remember, though. if a kid is gonna be ungrateful, let them buy their own damn car.
When SD turned 16, she of
When SD turned 16, she of course wanted to get her license but needed DH to sign. Since she'd been such a little brat with all the hatefulness & disrespect towards everyone, her lying, stealing, sex and drugs plus her barely passing grades, I put my 2 cents in and said I didn't think she was mature enough to get her license, let alone a car. And since she absolutely refused to get a job, it was a definite no. I sure as heck didn't want her on my insurance and since she was living with my in-laws, she would automatically go on theirs unless they signed a waiver. She didn't get her license for several months and when she did, it was my FIL who signed for her, not DH. She was way too irresponsible to be behind the wheel of a car. Her first week of driving she hit a teacher's car in the school parking lot. FIL didn't want to turn it in to insurance, so they paid it and expected us to fork over the money. No freaking way!
SD's BM' SF (lost yet?!) ended up giving her a cheap car just last year with the stipulation she pays maintenance, insurance and gas. She's already wrecked it - she goes to court Friday for her ticket - no proof of insurance! She goes every week to get her mani's & pedi's and buys clothes constantly - pays no living expenses but can't afford insurance - duh!
yeah, the more i think about
yeah, the more i think about it the more i want to say to them when the time comes, sol where i'm concerned
My BFs daughter got her
My BFs daughter got her license while my BF was in Afghanistan so he gave her his old car that was already paid for. As far as insurance goes the BM pays for that. And when she comes and stays with us EOW my BF fills her tank. Do I agree with any of this....NOPE but not my kid thankfully!
SD15 is allowed to get her
SD15 is allowed to get her permit now, legally. We were talking about her getting her permit at Xmas (she, DH's sister, and I) and she isn't getting one for now. See, BM has been unemployed for six months, and told her that she can't afford the insurance. BM tried to tell SD15 that she could get her permit if she would get her dad to pay for the insurance. SD15 says (to her aunt) "I didn't say it, but I was all, "get a job, woman!" because I wasn't going to ask Dad for a handout."
I don't think SD15 was feeling entitled to get her permit and expecting BM to get a job to pay for it - she just doesn't want to ask DH for the money. She claims she will get a job as soon as she turns 16. I say, we'll see.
If she has it by this summer, I'm going to take her out to teach her how to drive a stick shift, and then we'll go off-roading. If not... it won't hurt her to wait a year or three.