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issues with the X

kimmy1's picture

Submitted by kimmy1 on Tue, 02/15/2011 - 1:00am

I have been with my man for about 2 years (although we met eachother and were seriously involved many years ago). We found our way back into eachothers lives and it was like not a single day had passed! The problem is...it did! During our long time apart (roughly 13years) he married and had a daughter. (i have a 15yr old son as well as the 5 month old son we have together) His daughter is terrific...i just wish i could say the same for his X!!! She is a huge problem in our life and takes every opportunity she can to control him and treat him like he is still HER husband! Well, he's NOT...he is my husband! Yet, somehow this all seems to be MY problem...my fault!!! I admit i have my issues and maybe i don't always handle things perfectly but i just want the x to back off! I get that they have a child together and she will always be some part of our lives but to what extent is appropriate? And if i'm being honest, I HATE THAT THEY HAVE TO TALK ALL THE TIME! I want to be a priority in my husband's life! I want to be important to my husband! But it seems that his x always gets her way and i get to sit on the sidelines and suck it up or...leave! It gets more complicated in that i am about to uproot my sons and move out of state so that we can all be closer to his daughter...do i move there for the man that i love and for our family even though that means we will be closer to the source of the problem???

Comments

meneran's picture

Submitted by meneran on Tue, 02/15/2011 - 2:08am

The question is, how is your husband treating you?

What is he always talking about with his ex?

distorted reality's picture

Submitted by distorted reality on Tue, 02/15/2011 - 8:22am

Obviously you are going to have to have a long talk with him... BEFORE you uproot your kids and yourself. You're moving closer to his ex so the behaviors are going to get worse. If she is controlling your lives from a distance, it will get markedly worse being nearer I would think. Talk to him NOW and make sure that he has strong boundaries in mind in regards to his ex. Otherwise, I see this ending badly.

Hang in there! Smile

kimmy1's picture

Submitted by kimmy1 on Tue, 02/15/2011 - 3:58pm

My husband is great...most of the time! This is truly the only thing that we argue about. The problem is that he doesn't think that there is a problem! He is a terrific dad to all of our kids (a rare commodity these days) and he would do anything for his daughter! It killed him to be so far away from her and i could see that and i could feel how much he was hurting! He came here to be with me (after he and his x seperated 2 years ago) and try and make a go of this relationship so i feel like i should be able to do the same for him.
He doesn't contact the x (he doesn't need to b/c it seems like she is always contacting him) but he does give into her crap quite often! He says that it has nothing to do with her but rather that if it means he can spend more time with his daughter than he will do whatever it takes!
His daughter (my stepdaughter) is 9years old and is so ecstatic to have her Daddy back at home! She would spend every waking minute with him if she could but when we all move back we will have her only EOWe and 1 day during the week...unless of course it serves the needs of the x to let her stay with us longer! After all...it's ALL about her!!!!
I spoke to the x and tried to set some boundaries and maybe it sort of worked...they do talk a little less...yet it still bothers me! She seems to think that we should all be best friends. Is that normal? And if so, then is the problem all mine? Is it just something that i need to learn to deal with? And if it is...how do I do that???