talking as the bm venting about the smom

ok so please no judgemental responses. I got my dd a phone due to problems her bdad is having in his home (making her want less time with him). so smom texts her (she's and i texted smom (whom i dont have the number to) telling her that i got the phone mainly for direct contact for me and bdad and emergencies my dh helps her on the phone but doesn't have it written or programmed in his phone.

well, smom texted her, (i asked biodad not to give out number without asking me first-my phone and with her age, to monitor it). so i texted her directly and told her that i really got the phone for me and bdad to contact her and emergencies but that she could text her, no problem just to not give out her number to ne 1 without asking me first(even though i down right hate this bitch). i told bdad that i dont even want gparents having her phone # and under NO circumstances is it to replace comm between he and i

well because i texted smom directly she quit texting my dd and even though i insisted it's ok she refuses to i told exh that if his wife wants to keep missing out on dd because of me, that's her problem and her loss. (my dd is starting to not like her smom and is perfering to not like going for visitation. no matter how hard i try....relationship is irreconsilable

can't fix stupid :sick:

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her dad told me that he

her dad told me that he didnt' think that included smom....uh yeah..it includes smom

How old is your daughter ...?

How old is your daughter ...? I am not sure about your state but in tennessee once the child hits age 14 they decide who they live with & if they want to see the other parent..if she's old enough to have a say than I say tell her she does not have too go anymore...

she is 8 and i have an

she is 8 and i have an attorney involved, who may actually have her talk to the judge because my dd has asked for less visitation time (atty said since things have been so bad for so long it wouldn't be hard to convince the judge to hear her)

ok to clarify, i texted smom

ok to clarify, i texted smom asking her not to give out dd's # with out consulting me first, but simply cause i texted her for ANYTHING she refuses to text my d now....she refuses any contact with my dd if it includes me (with her living with me full time and because i'm her mother, i will monitor her phone MY WAY-right?)

even biodad thinks she is being a little childish.....it's quite predictable

we never really do talk

we never really do talk because it's gotten BAD between us (like most bmom's i am territorial with my dd and get HEATED FAST if i feel like i'm being "stepped" on). but yeah, she shouldn't be contacting my dd exept though dd's dad BUT our decree is being modified so my thing, LET HER contact my dd and text her the wrong thing....would be perfect (((((insert foot into mouth--smom)))))

yes we do, but thankfully, i

yes we do, but thankfully, i don't have those issues with the bmom i deal (for the most part) but thats mainly because i remember how i feel being a bmom and make sure my limits with the skids are "minded" yeah she don't like a lot of what i personally do with skids, but she consults the appropriate party...MY DH not me, she and i RARLEY talk and i don't text the skids unless they text me (never did-even though their phone are MY BILLS)

I agree with Natural - somerg

I agree with Natural - somerg you sent mixed messages to the SM and I am putting myself in the SM position - you told her the phone was really for you and your ex to be able to communicate but then in a passive aggressive move you said but it is okay for you to text her if you want - and then you put I really hate the bitch - listen coming from a SM whose BM is the same way we know you hate us and can't stand that we breathe - so really you are the one that got this problem started.

Believe me even at 8 years old your daughter knows exactly how you feel about her SM and that puts her in a very tough position - kids know if their mothers hate the other woman than they need to be mean to them as well - this happened with my SS - he was being really mean to me at one point this was after he was living with us for over a year (he was 9 1/2 at the time it happened) and finally I pulled him aside and asked what the problem was that I was not understanding why he was treating me this way and he said well I heard my mom on the phone with my aunt and she was not saying nice things about you - so I feel bad when I am nice to you because she does not really like you and I don't want her mad at me for liking you - so even though my BM thought SS was busy doing something else when she was on the phone with her sister in her bedroom - SS heard everything - my DH did call her and had a talk with her telling her that if she did not like me that was perfectly fine with us but to be a little more careful when speaking to her sister about me when SS was visiting - she did send me an apology email but quite frankly I knew it was a big fat farce and it really meant nothing because I also know exactly how she feels about me - and no I did not steal her husband in fact she cheated with 4 different guys that DH has proof of and he has no idea how many more - she just does not like that I don't play her game nor put up with even 1 centimeter of her bullshit and she knows it!!!

So this is not going to get any better and here was a SM that actually seemed to like your DD and now you have ruined this - sorry to say but that is how I see it - you basically told SM to back off and not use the phone that it is for you and DH to communicate and then at the end said okay if you want to you can not quite sure why you even said it was okay unless you wanted to look like the good guy but when you are relating the story here it just seems that you are passive aggressive - can't have it both ways -

yeah i do hate her, she knows

yeah i do hate her, she knows this, MAINLY the reason i dont like her because in the past she has taken her anger out on my dd that she has with me, they (smom and bdad) fight like cats and dogs even around my dd (screaming and cussing), SHOWERED with my SEVEN year old even though i told HER AND HER BDAD that dd wasn't comfortable with this (they had to hear that from DHS/CPS, smom gets offended if ANYTHING is said that contradicts her opinions or if i don't agree to a summer schedule that SHE wants. when my dd went on visitation while in school my dd called me at TEN pm on a school night asking me a question and telling me that smom and bdad want to know... i asked her without answering her question why she wasn't in bed, she then told me she hadn't had dinner yet. i asked her to put her dad on the phone, over heard her smom DEMAND her to give the phone to her and told me that when at their house it's THEIR schedule (i get that but she was only in kindergarten and 10pm is LATE) AND she got in trouble the next day for falling asleep in school the next day.......there has been much more, but despite that smom hasn't gone to but ONE sporting even TWO years ago, and throws a fit in front of my dd when i show up for an event for my dd with them, yeah you'd have issues too

i'm TRYING to reconsile with her, but even bdad has told my dd's counselor that his wife refuses reconsiliation AND told counselor (and me) that he's been trying to divorce her because of the way she treats my dd but $$ is the hold back

Then tell your Ex that unless

Then tell your Ex that unless he leaves this wretched woman you will go to court for supervised visits only - you have plenty of ammunition it seems to get them both in trouble and no one has the right to tell you that you can't go to an event that your DD is in - but then you need to tell your SM that no she can't use the phone - why be nice at all - if she texts tell her that the phone is not for her - don't send the mixed messages because then she will turn around and say that you are the psycho one that first you say no you can't use the phone but then you say yes you can - that is why as a SM what you wrote initially seems very passive-aggressive - if this woman is this bad then you have no reason to even be nice to her - we are always telling SM's not to be in touch or nice to the BM's because it will always bite them in the ass - in this case I would tell you don't try to reconcile with her she does not deserve it. Hope your Ex gets rid of her asap!!

thats actually being looked

thats actually being looked into, we (my atty and i) are actually taking that approach (that her dad needs to fix his home problems) get smom to start cooperating more (not necessarily involving herself but to "step back" and let me and bdad handle schedules and dd's welfare and to quit gettign panties tied in a wad when i want to be there for MY dd)-she refuses to get phycological testing and treatment-possibly bipolar-bdad admited that to me).

we're going to basically ask the court that since i have jurisdiction over DD they need to fix it or dd will be removed all together or supervised visitation at HIS expense, he'll probably file for a divorce cause she wont cooperate (they have became predicitable)

Well good for you for being

Well good for you for being the advocate for your DD - I would be very worried if she went to that place if it were me!!!

I think you are being a

I think you are being a little harsh with the phone. SM was tryng to reach out and have a relationship with SD and you cut her off. If you did it to me, I would not put myself out there again either. Sounds like you want to control everything with the phone. If that is the case, she shouldn't have it when she is at Bio Dad's.

You can't control everything that goes on at her Dad's house. Not fair to them. Also, why can't the Grandparents contact her? That seems really controlling. Not trying to bash, but honestly we are SM's and reasons like this are why we stop trying.

the MAIN reason i got her the

the MAIN reason i got her the phone is because smom and bdad have had problems and have screaming and cussing arguments infront of my dd and she has asked them to call someone to come get her for the afternoon because of their fighting but was denied phone access....even DHS told them there was a problem, so i got her the phone so she can call without permission, yeah there's a chance they will take it from her while at her dad's, but per my attorney if they do that, they will be hanging HIM

I understand giving her the

I understand giving her the phone, but you can not control what happens in their house. You do not have that right. We used to take the phone that BM gave SD the minute she walked in the door. She was grounded from it from lying on the last visit. BM had a fit, but it was our house.

You need to stay out of their marriage. It is none of your business. If they are arguing in front of her, she needs to go up to her room. I will say this, when we were having all the problems after moving in, we argued a lot. It was always about SD and SS and BM. Nothing else. It was amazing on the weeks they were with their mom, we never argued. If someone was listening in to these conversations, they would have thought I was evil.

I know different. I know that BM was as much in the room as if she was standing there. Maybe you are a part of their problems. Also, as for the games, I don't go. I got tired of BM staring at me.

You may be the reason she doesn't attend.

Step back from this and let DH handle his marriage. Stay out of it, it may get better if you do.

and also guys, yeah i can see

and also guys, yeah i can see the contradiction when smom tried to have a relationship with my dd over the phone, and me giving her mixed messages, but it is OFFENDING when she wont have anything to do with my dd while i'm around, she throws a fit when i show up to special events, but yet she can text a phone that IM paying for???

I think Somerg when you wrote

I think Somerg when you wrote the original blog you were venting and typing like a mad woman and left out a lot of info - after adding all that you did - it becomes a different story - being SM's on here we are going to look at it from the side of what we have to deal with on a regular basis and so we are in defense of the SM unless we know more of the background!!!

Step back and look at how you

Step back and look at how you BEHAVE. I wouldn't want to be near you or have anything to do with SD either. Look at how you acted over a phone.

And did you say earlier that her dad helps you with it? Does he help pay for it?
If so, I would LOVE for my husband to tell me that I cannot send a text to a phone where MY household income is helping to pay for it. He would be digging that phone out of his ass for days.

yeah caregiver i understand

yeah caregiver i understand that and yes i was upset...but what i told her dad, is i could really give a shit if smom is there or not that's HER choice, it should ALWAYS be about the KIDS not the adults. i'm not a perfect bm don't try but yeah, things could be waaaay better (especially if a 7year old, -she just turned 8 tell bmom she wants bdad and smom to divorce, and is tired of the unresolved issues)

I don't know, I think I'd be

I don't know, I think I'd be annoyed too. She is 8, and her phone was purchased for her to use in emergencies and to talk to mom, not for relationship building with sm. We bought a cell phone for my SD, she lives with us, only for her to use with us when she visits BM on the weekends. If BM wants to talk to her while she is with us, she can call our home phone or my or my husbands cell. If we didn't block all other numbers on her phone, it would turn into their phone when SD is there on the weekends, because they rarely have phone service. They never pay their bill, and use their kid's phones letting the other parents foot the bill.
Somerg-your sm put you in a bad place. She doesn't need to be texting her 8 yr. old SD. You handled.it graciously by letting her know that you had some boundaries that obviously weren't considered by your ex.

thank you leigh, that pretty

thank you leigh, that pretty much sums it up, and yes if boundaries get over stepped i will start blocking numbers. we'll see how well this goes, no i don't want her phone to be the primary contact number they use...and that will not happens

Wow, somerg...you do get

Wow, somerg...you do get quite heated when questioned or stating your position. Wonder if you're the reason for a lot of their fighting.

You remind me of person that pushes a piano out a top floor, then yells out for everyone to watch out. You think you're a hero. But what you've done, set up a problem, then try to come in looking like good mother trying to make it all better. Oh, how caring you first come across.

Then you allow us to know you "hate her". Strong words. You don't "give a ****" if smom is there or not. Wow, I'd bet you've expressed yourself like this in front of your "DD".

Hate=jealousy

Stepmom tries to be nice to "DD", you're right in there being controling and hateful.

I feel for "DD"...smom and bd.

Sounds like you don't want

Sounds like you don't want her to text your child, but then are also upset because she won't text your child and then it looks like it was because of you that she stopped texting? hmmm...I think I would have told my ex, "hey, I'm glad that your wife is texting my child...it's nice that she cares about her...just make sure that nobody else has the number except YOUR AND YOUR WIFE..."

Sounds like my DH's ex...she hated when the kid was close to me and I was nice to her (PS, I never cut her hair, bought her clothes that were inappropiate, or told her to call me mom) and made sure she hated me...so then I began ignoring the kid and then I was also a witch for ignoring her...we just can't win.

Again, I have to agree with

Again, I have to agree with Somerg. The girl is 8!!! She is not old enough to be texting. That was not the intent of the phone. If SM wanted to have a relationship, why didn't she call using the home phone? It seems that she was trying to be sneaky and have communication without BM being aware. Somerg had told ex that the phone was for emergency purposes and for her to communicate with her daughter because she had been denied phone usage at their house. I am a SM that has purchased a cell phone specifically for SD to call us, not for communication with BM. Whoever buys the phone and pays the bills gets to make the rules. You all seem to be putting a lot more meaning behind it. We had no problem telling BM, please use our home phone to contact SD, her cell is for us, for us for emergencies. And we would have no problem reminding her if she forgot the rule.

I agree also. I would also

I agree also. I would also add, if I was the stepmom, that phone would be put up the entire time that child was at my house. My house, my rules. if the BM didn't like it, she could suck it.

Yes, our SDs phone is put up,

Yes, our SDs phone is put up, turned off at our house. No texting yet-not from us, her friends, or BM. Of course BM doesn't usually have phone service anyway.

I disagree. In our

I disagree. In our situation, BM chooses not to work and spends her day drinking and sleeping. Therefore she cannot pay her phone bill. We have a perfectly good home phone for her call SD. The cell phone was bought specifically for us to be able to contact SD when she is at BMs because there were several times when we couldn't reach her because they didn't have a phone or when they did have one they were too lazy to pick it up. In Somerg's situation, I would be very annoyed about the texting. Her DD is 8! That is just too young for texting, period. One text message on SDs phone is .40, and believe me, that adds up very quickly. SM should use the regular phone. Assuming that Somerg would be upset about that seems like a gross assumption to me. I'm surprised at everyone's reaction, and am wondering if she were a SM if she would be getting this much hate. I know my DH did a terrible job picking SDs BM, if were every to divorce, I would be extremely concerned about his ability to pick out a new wife.

The daughter having a phone

The daughter having a phone is a good idea.

It's the agenda behind it. It's the anger that's developed because of it.

It's the opportunity for BM to get a fight going when she should have spoken with the BF abour her plan first and they make a decision and rules about it.

IF I didn't have to deal with an ever "I'm only trying to so helpful, someone hand me a marty badge" hateful trouble making exBM that pulled stunts like this (and still does).

BM gave herself away when she said she "hated" and swore in her posting to strangers. She's not a level headed woman capable of keeping her emotions in tack or nice.

LOL then you have a board

LOL then you have a board full of crazies...because tons of women here do the same thing about bm's and skids...so they aren't level headed either or capable of keeping emotions in check right?

Somerg- I've been keeping up

Somerg-

I've been keeping up with your posts and all I really have to say to you anymore is you need to find a way to get a grip on several issues that are building up like a cancer inside of you.

You come on here and tell us how dangerous it is for your 8 yo. DD and I have told you over and over that if it is indeed that dangerous, not to let her go over there if what you have stated is true and as a biomom myself this would not have happened with my own if she was faced with such a violent atmosphere. Yet, you give her a phone and keep sending her back over there BUT you are on here posting some nasty stuff. Mind you, "Only for you and her dad for DD." What???

"Hate, Bitch, step mom this, step mom that," It sounds to me from both sides- both a BM and a SM myself that you have severe anger and jealousy issues. YOU are divorced from this man. He has obviously remarried and I do not honestly believe half of what you say on here anymore. Therapists know that is is illegal to speak about another. I think you are literally "dreaming" that your EX-HUSBAND is talking about his wife also. I hope you can find some serenity and calm down- focus on moving on with your life and the supposed safety of your child please- NOT a silly phone.

Best of luck,

If sm wants a relationship

If sm wants a relationship with DD then she can develop it on her own time with DD.not via text message.that's just stupid.Dad needs to tell SM to grow up and stop trying to be the cool one by only requiring DD to text and not talk directly.If it were my daughter I wouldn't want anyone texting her at 8 years old.8 is too young to replace talking voice to voice with texting back and forth.I'm sure DDs dad told sm the phone isn't for pleasure,it's for emergencies only.So Sm is trying to override the rules just because she can and wants to show HER level of power to you since usually you're the control freak in the situation.
The power struggles going on in this situation make me dizzy.Sm grasps at things to run.You crack the whip over the things you can run.Dad is just a moron letting the two of you run around like complete crazy people while DD watches from the sidelines and tries to keep up.
ALL of you need to start giving a little on the power trip.This phone thing blew up to something it shouldn't have because everyone wants to show they're in control and can do what they want.Rather than texting Sm about not texting your daughter,a more appropriate thing would have been to call and say hey sm i think it's great you want to text dd and i like the effort on your part but i want to make sure dd's number isn't shared with anyone except you and her dad.
that way she can hear your tone and understands the message clearly.no room for misinterpreting, no room for power struggles.no room for this dramatic run around about a cell phone.

Oh no, no. That won't work.

Oh no, no. That won't work. Somerg was perfectly fine with text "relationships" on Elizabeth's blog. The texting isn't the issue, it is that the SM deigned to try to "speak" to her daughter at all.

I must be missing something. You are inferring a lot of stuff that you think the SM feels, and I don't see that at all.

i'm just saying that is the

i'm just saying that is the impression i get from somergs posts.i could never know what this sm really feels unless she comes here to tell her side.but based on the blogs,it seems like one big 'f*ck you sm/f*ck you BM' power struggle between the two of these women.i feel they're both wrong and they both need to step back and think about things from the other side of the fence.

I definitely agree with the

I definitely agree with the last part. And honestly, the only person being screwed up by this is her kid. Someone needs to man up and start fixing the situation.

i'm just saying that is the

I still have yet to " find"

I still have yet to " find" on here what the step mother even "supposedly" texted to DD8?
I don't buy these posts anymore, sorry guys.

One french fry short of a Happy Meal, if you ask me.

And also, remember in "these"

And also, remember in "these" types of cases, there are always two to three sides of the actual story. IMO.

lol well there's 2 or 3 sides

lol well there's 2 or 3 sides to the story then there's the truth somewhere in the middle.

LOL- I'm not talking about

LOL- I'm not talking about split personalities!!! JK JK JK JK

it kinda sounds like you

it kinda sounds like you should just steer clear. Nothing good could possibly come from this situation. Talk to kiddo's dad only, remove yourself from contact with stepmom as much as you can and just let it ride. honestly, youre irritated, stepmom is prolly irritated and no one is hurt, bleeding or sick... youre all just irritated. Youre here to stay, whatever the dad says stepmom is here to stay at the moment and yall are just spinning. Sounds like it just needs to get taken down a notch.

You are here

talking as the bm venting about the smom

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