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part-timedad's picture

Submitted by part-timedad on Sun, 01/16/2011 - 2:56pm

I am new to this site. First of in July I got married to a terrific women who has put up with alot of crap. I have three children from a previous marriage. Son 15 son 14 daughter 10. The children live with their BM in another county. The kids are so used getting to do what they want and not being made do do anything they dont want to do.It has gotten to the point that if my wife and I are doing something the weekend they are coming and they dont want to do it they refuse to come or gripe, complain and make life miserable all weekend.They become very disrespectful and nasty to me and my wife. I told them before they left on Sunday that I told them that I wanted them to come to my house on their weekends because they wanted to be here and if they didnt want to be here not to come! Was that wrong of me todo? When there here they expect to be entertained. Help!!!!!

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Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Sun, 01/16/2011 - 3:52pm

You Go Dad!! Believe me, when their BM finds out they're staying with her on the weekend and taking her time, she's going to make some waves about their bad behavior TO THEM!

I will give my husband kudos in having his eyes open to how terrible his children acted. He didn't like it a bit but he hated to be "the bad guy".

Really difficult what you're going through. I feel for you, but you stay strong with your convictions of being firm on expected behavior from them. You will teach them a valuable lesson.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 01/16/2011 - 3:58pm

Great post. It took my DH awhile to open his eyes too, but he did and everyone (including the stepkids) is much happier because of it. Were the stepkids happy about it in the beginning? Absolutely not. They've been through some pretty horrendous stuff which I've discussed in other blogs. But that should not be used to enable bad behavior.

I know it's got to be very hard to do when you don't have them living with you, but you're doing the right thing for them. I just posted a blog about this, you might like it.

Welcome to Steptalk!

ddakan's picture

Submitted by ddakan on Sun, 01/16/2011 - 10:16pm

When they get this age, this stuff starts happening. If you don't require them to come you grow apart, they think they don't have to respect you or listen to you. I understand they have activities sometimes, but it really isn't good to give up your time. Then again, it's so hard to fight through the weekends.

DH and I both let our kids do their own thing at 14+. I remain close with my 3 bios and my sd21...he is not close with his 2 bios. DH works all the time to pay 1200 a month. We're tired. Our kids are 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 13, and 9. We concentrate on being supportive of our kids wherever they are in life.

We have 2 left. One in 7th and one in 3rd. It's amazing not to have 5 in high school anymore. I know how tired and stressed out you get. You just have to feel your way through it and do what you think you can live with.

Our stepsons didn't want to come here because they don't like rules and they like to smoke pot and run feral all the time. One is doing good, one not so good because he dropped out of high school.