wow this is painful
bd walks in from work and pretty much pays us no mind. he left at 7 am and got back at 7 pm. it is 10 pm now and he is sleeping. he ate supper and we had no convo at all, he paid no attention to our daughter. this is starting to become a habit and quite frankly its bs. i have work long hours and did not come home like that. i am pretty sure he is not seeing anyone but then again who knows. he says that " i see ***** all week thats why i pay so much attention to the other kids when they come over. yeah he sees her but he does not give her the attention that she deserves and it is sooo unfair and she is always sooo happy to see him. i am on the verge of tears because of this. i tell him i think that he should show her more attention and he says that he does not have to prove to me that he loves her. omg i cannot believe the way he handles things. i am starting to see that my main problem with skids is him. this is ridiculous. i love him and we have 1 kid already and 1 on the way, just bought a home together, and i am to go back to school in august. all of this is a lot and it is stressing me and doesnot seem to be getting any better especially when his kids are over because i get more po because he fathers them soooo frckin well and he does nothing like that forr our daughter wo being asked to. i can not have any distractions other than my own kids when school starts and i don't know how to make this better!!! i feel like he is a paycheck and thats it
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I think it is typical for
I think it is typical for someone who is gone 7 to 7 to be tired and check out as a habit. Just bringing a paycheck is his main goal in life to support you all, you could consider it his act of love to you.
I know it is lonely when you feel like this, but if you try to have a different perspective it may help. My dh works hard long hours and he is tired when he comes home.
You have a lot going on with having another baby and school coming up. I go to school too and I really have to carve out time to get it done. Keep your eye on the prize, some things we just have to live through (skids is one of them).
i know he is tired and i
i know he is tired and i understand but it doesnt take much energy to sho someone attention. i am not asking for a lot just effort would be good. he can talk on the phone to his friends and family but has nothing to say to me. i want to be happy and want to feel loved and i am thinkin thats why i cant show hiskids much love because he doesnt show it to me in a way that i need. i appreciate him going to work i really do i am just trying to not be with the one i can live with i want to be with the one i cant live without and right now i am staying because its the easier thing to do right now
Yes, I know it hurts and it's
Yes, I know it hurts and it's kinda lonely. When I feel like this I tell dh..IT IS TIME FOR A DATE. We'll get some alone time and it helps me with my feelings. It took me awhile to figure out how to get my emotional needs met, but after 10 years, we're doing pretty good.
So tonight I was telling him I wanted some huggy time...and he's like...on the laptop looking for a .7 mm clip for a gun for his hunting buddy. I'm like, oh, yay me!! It's almost comical really.
But not THAT comical
yeah it does hurt a lot maybe
yeah it does hurt a lot maybe a date will help. we will have to do that. you know we have not been kidless ever. his mother is not living and his dad is a drug user and his only sister moved to new orleans which is far from where i live and the rest of his family is useless. and i was raised by my grandmother who is now at an age that she a lot of bad days and i don't feel good about leaving her there and everyone else has jobs, etc. so its hard for us to get that kind of time for ourselves but maybe one evening if my gm feels up to it we can bring her over for a little while tleast. she says it doesn't bother her and that she likes the company so maybe that would work.
i think that if i could get the attention i need i could deal with his kids better because i wouldnt feel like they are taking away from us. i may be able to feel like its an addition rather than a subtraction if u will. the bm called the other day to say that it was unfair that we don't get the kids on friday evening. we get them on saturday morning and bring them home later than we have to to try to make up for the lost time. now this is a woman who has not worked a day in her life. this is a woman who has her mom raise her daugher in the house in front of her fema trailer that is in the backyard because she does not want to wake up in the morning to get her ready for school. she only keeps the little boy because she has to in order to live in the fema trailer in the backyard. but she needs a break! she collects food stamps, ssi for the son, and cs for the 2 kids. how frickin unfair huh? when we cant get time to go anywhere.crazy
My BF also works 12s.... it
My BF also works 12s.... it is hard. We have no children together, but just getting his attention for me is also a challenge.
I think the date thing is right on target. The other night, I asked, "do you think we can do something just us?" and he JUMPED on it. He said sure and hugged me. He was excited, for him, at the prospect.
I struggle with this too... a lot!!! Sometimes, we need to take the wheel and say, "this time is just for us!"
Good luck
that has been an issue i am
that has been an issue i am dealing with too because i am not used to having to try for attention, it was something that just came but along the road something has changed.
i'm the same way with my
i'm the same way with my family (to a degree) i don't pay NEAR as much attention to my bd as i used to do, my dh (sdad) give her more attention than i do, BUT i'm going to school full time, and working full time. he doesnt' work and he's just fixing to start school
maybe ask him why all he wants to do is go to bed or see if baby girl can watch a movie with him in the bedroom and cuddle on the bed, that's what me and my dd do when i'm too tired to do nothing but eat, shower and go to bed when i get home.
give that a shot?
Yep - if you read 'For Women
Yep - if you read 'For Women Only', it talks about how men show their love by being the providers and working their butts off. He's just doing what he does because he loves you. I know it's really hard to see it from that perspective though
But, as the others pointed out, just plan a date night for when he does have time and otherwise, you need to take the initiative to get what you need from him (steal the hugs and kisses!) and tell him how much you appreciate how hard he's been working. He may not realize how much you guys miss him though and that he needs to show the kids more attention. Try to do that gently.
My DH can do the same thing. Sometimes it seems we go all week without barely a conversation. He's dead tired every night. But if I set up the mood for a little 'nookie' suddenly he's all there! They are rarely too tired for that no matter what
Good luck!
lmbo at doingitagain yeah he
lmbo at doingitagain yeah he is rarely too tired for that and it drives me crazy. it makes me resent him because it makes me feel like he is only concerned with his needs yet i have soo many that aren't being met. what is up with that anyway? i thought it was just him that was like that.
Did this behavior just start?
Did this behavior just start? If he already have kids and the two of you have one together why would you have another baby on the way ?sounds like you have a lot going on! I wish you luck!!
whateva
thanks spunkiedoolittle it is
thanks spunkiedoolittle it is reassuring to know that i am not alone on this. its crazy to me. he wakes up early enough to throw on his clothes and run out so i don't think we will have coffee lol but tonight was a little better he played with out daughter and actually told me he forgot how pretty my eyes are(which i still am debating if thats good or bad).
to whateva it may sound crazy but we did not plan to have this baby. we were being safe using protection and then one day it failed and i figured oh well its nothing being that it took me so long to conceive baby1. well i was wrong. i dont use birthcontrol because of all of the dangers associated but i am considering having my tubes tied or he is having somthing done. everything happens for a reason and i do not believe in abortion or anything so that is why we are having another baby.