Help= Signs of an eating disorder?
Princess 18 got home from college for Christmas break on Monday. Yea! She's home for a whole month! I have mixed feelings about this. I love my SD with all my heart, but she's been using it as a trampoline for a almost 2 years now. I've adjusted to not having her around, and things have been so much better without her energy in the house. But if she will let me, I look forward to hearing all about school, and the boys she likes now that Stepping Stone (her old boyfriend) is out of the picture.
We haven't had a lot of time together, since the rest of us have had work and school. She's gone to two of her brothers' ballgames this week, and went out one night with Loghead. She's had various dentist appointments and a visit to the ortho. Lazy Boye got sick at school on Wednesday and she was able to pick him up. That's been a help. But of the three tasks I specifically asked her to do, she did none of them. When I get home at night, I can see she has been sleeping all day and then sits on Facebook all afternoon, basically until she goes to bed again at night- around 2 am, from what I can tell from her Facebook posts.
I noticed on her last visit that she didn't really eat anything. She always came up with a reason not to be at the house at mealtimes... Due to ball games and school Christmas concerts, we haven't really had a family dinner yet this week... But when I come home at night, there is no evidence she has fixed any food, or eaten anything. You know how kids always leave a little mess, even when they try to clean? None of that. EVERYTHING in the kitchen was exactly how it was when I left for work each morning...
I didn't have school on Thursday, due to the weather. Gibby and I were home from school and went about our business. I tried to wake her up several times, but she just mumbled stuff. I told her he and I were going out when the weather cleared for an appointment we had and I wanted her to come along. She agreed, and I made her a late lunch to eat while she got ready.
She fell back asleep. I tried a few more times to wake her up, and we finally left so Gibby and I were not late. When I got home 4 hours later, around 7 pm, she had finally gotten up. At the last minute, she had decided to go out with Loghead, but the plate of food was still on her dresser.
Later that night, she was roaming around the house in pj pants and a tank top. She was skin and bones. It was like seeing an old "after school special" kinda moment where the mom goes, "Something is not right with my kid!" I could seriously see each bump of her spine!
Then, last night, she comes to me, and shows me how her new manicure failed. Her nails are all split and cracked, and that close up, I could see that her hair was in horrible shape. She was complaining her back hurt and asked for a back rub, so we laid in bed together watching TV and I rubbed her back... I could see each knot in her spine, and feel her ribs, straining under her skin. She pulled her shirt up and asked if she had a bruise, and pointed to a spot on her back. Sure enough, she had a big bruise on her spine. She said she had done some sit-ups as part of one of her activities for her nursing class and the wood floor was too hard.
A bit latter, I made muffins for bedtime snack. Everyone gathered around' she loves blueberry muffins. She just nibbled at it, and said she wasn't that hungry because she ate when she was out tonight. Loghead asked when, since he was with her for the ballgame, and she said with a friend, before he got to the game...
I'm really worried. She looks horrible. She has bags under her eyes because she isn't sleeping right. She has no energy and sleeps all day because she's up all night. Her new clothing style is borderline "whores R Us." I'm not stupid enough to know some boy some day will be disappointed because I know my SD and I know that is some mighty padded bra she's been wearing! LOL And the big padding on top just emphasizes how tiny she has become...
Oh, also this week, Lazy Boye 15 picked her up and made a comment about her being a feather, and she said, "yup, 100 pounds exactly!"
I know when we both went for our girl exams in June that she was 115 pounds...
I know the sleeping thing is a college thing, and staying up late, but in my gut I feel like the rest of it just isn't right...
I told Loghead to watch her for the next few days and to really LOOK at her...
Does this sound like a problem to anyone else who knows about eating disorders? Advice, suggestions?
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Comments
Ugh, I'm sorry. I have a
Ugh, I'm sorry.
I have a tendency toward obsessive and self-destructive behavior myself.
Alcoholic, check
Slight eating disorder, check
Smoker, check
Cutting,(extremely rare) check
I know from experience that this is a combo of physical addiction and (in the eating disorder/cutting) a control issue. Control issues are really hard to overcome.
I would be worried, honestly.
Confronting her will either drive her away, or shock her into taking a look at herself. My odds are on the first. You can't change someone else's addictive behaviors, they need to want to change them.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Usually kids gain the
Usually kids gain the freshman 15 - so if she lost 15 pounds I would seriously have a talk with her - having suffered from eating disorders for most of my life it is not about the weight but about the control. She is feeling right now that she has no control - have a talk with her and see what is bothering her - it could be some guy she was dating broke up with her and maybe told her she needs to lose weight - find out what is going on and try to help her deal with it. Don't force her to eat because she won't and it will just cause her to be mad at you during this visit and you need to keep the communication lines open so she can come to you.
Bad hair, nails and bruises are signs of not eating - her body is not getting the nutrition it needs and her proclaiming that she is 100 pounds exactly is another sure sign that there is an eating disorder happening - Good luck and you both are in my prayers - it took me years to get over my disorder and I still today am so damn critical of myself - just be there for her and try to have a talk alone with her.
I too have struggled with an
I too have struggled with an eating disorder most of my life. If you suspect it, you are probably right and what you are seeing sounds right on target. My family noticed my decline in health, but never said anything - - and I know if they did, I would have denied it. It wasn't until I went to talk to someone (a therapist and nutritionist) that I finally came to terms with it.
I wish you luck - this is a disease that is terrible to watch adn very hard to grasp. The fact that you are willing to acknowledge it is a BIG step. Denial is usually how my friends and family chose to deal with it. I guess looking back, me too.
I'd look into eating
I'd look into eating disorders and talk with her about it. A few signs of eating disorders- Brittle hair or dry damaged looking hair or hair falling out, brittle nails (esp if they once were fine), more hair on arms and legs than normal (may happen if this progresses more but is the body's way of keeping warm since there is no fat on the body), distorted body image (may look into a mirror and actually see herself bigger than she is), avoids food and meals, as well as what others have said. She could be sleeping out of boredom or because she isn't eating and therefore she isn't getting nutrients and energy. You might want to check her history if she is on the Internet at home. Maybe something there would give insight. Sometimes with these things one friend encourages another and then they have sort of a pact to 'lose weight' together. But I'd def talkto her if you could.