Coincidence? I think not.
So BF and I have been talking about BM being oddly passive aggressive at the kids' drop-offs, and we decided that this week he would ask BM to meet him in a public place for the drop off (as per the custody agreement--he's been picking them up AND dropping them off at her place because it seemed easier for her and the kids, and up until now she hadn't been a problem either). So when BF texts BM on Sunday about this she claims that she has no gas and it's just easier to drop them off at her place. BF and I both know this is pretty much bull***t. We decide to drop them off at her house because she still hasn't done anything outright aggressive and we don't want to start a war before Christmas.
The passive-aggressive actions consist basically of her coming up to the side of BF's truck that I'm on and standing as close to me as possible without saying a word to me directly, but clearly making a statement to me through the things she says to the kids in front of me. So this time I really just didn't want to deal with it, so I went and stood at the back of BF's truck so I didn't even have to see her. Well I don't know if she was watching from the window or what, but she just so happened to decide at that moment to put something in the recycling bin that was at the end of the driveway RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I could see her glance at me from my peripheral, but I just looked at the ground. Then she didn't really go to the side of BF's truck that I'm usually on--because I wasn't there this time? WTF. What is she trying to say? I know there is a very small chance that this is a coincidence. It's driving me crazy that there's all these little things that she seems to do that I feel like a psycho if I complain about because they are so small and insignificant on their own, but accumulated it starts to feel like she's purposely being rude for no reason. This was me trying to go out of me way to avoid the awkward confrontation, and what does she do? Ugh.
I hate how unsure this all makes me feel--unsure that there is a real slight, unsure that I should be as upset as I am, unsure of how to handle it all whether it's real or imagined. BF is sure it's real. I think him worrying about it makes me doubly worried about it.
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I wouldn't waste my time
I wouldn't waste my time worrying about it. Ignore her. If anything, next time say "Hi! How are you?"
Thank you. I think I needed
Thank you. I think I needed that. Sometimes when BF gets upset about something like that it seems to validate that little crazy voice in my head and I overthink/overworry/overanalyze.
Yea, I've been considering
Yea, I've been considering that. Unfortunately if I don't go to drop-offs I don't get to hang out with BF/kids for most of Sunday. It sucks because we already have so little time together during the workweek. Because BM lives in the closest urban area and we live on the outskirts in a pretty rural area, when we leave in the mornings to do our Sunday business we don't come home until we're ready to be home for the rest of the night. So if I don't want to go to drop-offs I won't go out and about with them at all on Sunday, and subsequently wouldn't see BF until late Sunday night. I guess that's an option, but it's not my favorite one. I'd rather deal with BM than miss out on BF/kids.
I'm not really sure what
I'm not really sure what could be considered "peeing on my territory." I have not claimed the kids as my own. I do not even talk to them in front of BM. If you are looking for an argument please look elsewhere.
My BF has a 2-door truck. I
My BF has a 2-door truck. I have to get out so they can get the car-seat from the back. You cannot climb in from the driver's side, so the passenger (me) must get out. I can't drive his truck because it's a stick. Hence, I must get out.
Yep, I agree...talk to her a
Yep, I agree...talk to her a lot and it will drive her crazy :jawdrop:
Yep, listen to tskar. You're
Yep, listen to tskar. You're letting her get to you. If you don't want to be a doormat to her for the next God knows how many years - you need to paste a huge smile on your face and say "I don't think we've been properly introduced, I'm Helena." Don't allow her to play passive-aggressive on you. You need to pee all over that territory. If you don't she's gonna think she can push you around til Kingdom Come. Kill her with kindness sayeth Shakespeare. "My, what a pretty colored top you're wearing." "Your hair always looks so lovely, who does your hair." "Your children are so well-mannered, you really are doing an amazing job." Sure you won't mean any of it but it'll drive her crazy and force her to either engage with you or show her petty ass by not responding. Win-win!
You guys make me feel a whole
You guys make me feel a whole lot better about this. Thank you!!! I've been kind of avoiding it, but you're right, it looks like I'm going to have to make the first move to say something (polite and introductory) to her. At least then I can feel better about not contributing to the awkward silence!
I would wait until BM comes
I would wait until BM comes to the truck and I would give her a big smile and say hello..then get out of the truck and give the kids a hug and help them into the truck...then get back in the truck and once again give BM a big smile and say have a nice day. Let me tell you I've done this many times to my SD's BM because she use to do the same thing to me.....no more though as my point was made and now she doesn't even get out of her car....good luck... Z
I'll be the first to say I
I'll be the first to say I avoid the drama at all cost. Wouldn't it be simpler to hang out at a local 7-11 or McDonald's or something? Surely there has to be something close by you could spend a few minutes at...
My BM does the same thing to
My BM does the same thing to me, she's trying to get me to not be around so she can have private moments with DH. She also tries to intimidate me, which is pretty funny since I'm almost a foot taller than her. If your papers say public exchange than by all means insist upon it. And I totally hate having to get out of the truck to let the kids out
If the court order says
If the court order says public place, force it. Don't go to her house where she is better able to intimidate you. Make her come pick up the kids half way. If she's not at the pick up place I guess she's abandoning the kids and you keep them.
And don't look down and avoid eye contact. Look her square in the eye and tell her something about her child. Joey caught a football or skinned his knee or oops called you mom.... Anything at all will drive her batty and she will stop coming to your side of the truck.
Aw, sounds like somebody
Aw, sounds like somebody needs a hug! She must be really hard up for human contact to feel the need to invade your personal space, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to deprive her, so just give her what she's clearly asking for. A great big fat hug. An uncomfortably long and extremely awkward big squishy holiday hug. With a huge smile on your face. The kids will love it. And BM will never stand close enough for her actions to be misinterpreted again.
Yep. A hug. How jolly!
Force the public exchange.
Force the public exchange. If she insists on doing it at her house then buy a few stink bombs and crack one each time she is walking to your side of the car. That ought to move her to your BFs side of the car.
You could also put in your I-pod buds and crank up some offensive music or call someone on your cell phone and have a loud and laughing conversation about stupid people and how pathetic and entertaining they are.
Enjoy.