BM violates visitation orders-advice?
Lastnight DH was supposed to get SD for his 2 hour visit from 6-8PM. He gets a text at 430PM from BMs father saying theyre having car trouble again and wants DH to drive 45 minutes to their office to get SD. DH has done this in the past, but now theyre taking advantage of it. DH said no, it's not in my plans or budget to drive all the way there and back. DH gets a call from BMs father asking why he can't come get SD, DH explains again that it's not in his plans or budget this week. BMs father says well I have no options, DH tells him that actually, he does. It's BMs job to get SD to where she needs to be. They have a court order of the time and PLACE of the exchanges. DH tells the father that he doesn't know what BM is doing with all her time and he doesn't really care but it's HER responsibility to figure it out. BMs father didn't say much at this point. DH tells him that he will be at the pick up spot, and if they don't show up with SD, DH will do what he needs to do. They didn't show up so DH filed ANOTHER police report.
Now, my question is this....BM has recently gotten in trouble with the law for some domestic violence and assault stuff, the judge ordered her to be good for a period of time ( 1 yr) and if she got into any type of trouble, she goes straight to jail. Now, she has just violated a court order, can DH get in touch with the judge or BMs probation officer and have her put in jail??? or does this not count..even though it's a court order?
BM needs to take responsibilty for her children and she needs to follow their court order (parenting plan)
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What's the backstory on this?
What's the backstory on this? I want to comment that your dh seems a little unbeding-and I thought the NCP mainly was responsible for pick up/drop off of the child-or at least half of the time.
It's impossible for plans to NEVER change (they do with regular two married homes all the time)...and it's impossible or unreasonabl imo to never bend on a select place/time for visitation pickup/dropoff.
Does the BM do this a lot, switch things around...is this a recent divorce-do you guys always get sticklers for the CO?
I've noticed that a lot on the board-and honestly i think it creates a lot of animosity and drama to do the two extreme...either never follow the order or adhere to strictly that there's no room for flexibility/good will towards the other parent-which creates hostility and resentment. Balance is key.
I guess I need to know more of the back story to comment either way.
It's impossible for a CO to cover all the rea life situations that can come up that call for a change of plans and flexibility-to refuse to work within reason is petty. NOW-if it's an ongoing issue that's another problem of course.
Short version..sort of lol-
Short version..sort of lol- BM rarely follows the PP/Court Order. She is always trying to change it or just ignores it-or she will just refuse to bring SD all together. They have a set time and place for the drop off pick up-it's in their parenting plan. The location is half way. We live in two different cities. DH has been going out of his way to meet them where they want to meet. DH has also been very flexible even when BM refuses to budge any for DH.
BM expects DH to follow their parenting plan/court order to the T. He is never "allowed" any extra time, yet BM feels she can violate the order when ever she feels like it. So, the one time DH wants to stick to the set time and location, BM violates the court order once again. This interference is nothing new. So now DH is completely fed up with BMs antics and her constant interference and since trying to communicate with BM is like talking to a wall, he has gathered police reports and evidence to file for contempt. I was just curious if this is pointless or if it's going to be worthwhile
Agree with kris. Have him do
Agree with kris. Have him do it ASAP. Generally, the first contempt complaint doesn't result in jail or fines. I think typically it gets warning. However, with her being on probation, this may strike her out.
It absolutely counts. It's doubtful he'd get in touch directly with the judge, & I'm not sure about him contacting BM's probation officer. It'd be worth trying, though. Really, he could contact his lawyer & find out where to go with it.
45 minute drive each way.
45 minute drive each way. What's he supposed to do, visit with her for only 1/2 hour? Not.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I think your dh did what he
I think your dh did what he should have done. It is ordered that they have a pick up and drop off place for a reason and it is her responsibility to get sd there. Since you did say that your dh has done that in the past but they are taking it too far (like most bm's) he is just tired of bending and getting nothing in return. He needs to file contempt, if he keeps doing it every time they will get tired of it and she will get in trouble or she will get tired of paying to go to court every time.
Yes, my DH is always bending
Yes, my DH is always bending over backwards to be able to see SD. BM knows how important his visitation with his daughter is so BM knows DH will usually do whatever he needs to get to see his daughter. It's really sad that BM does this and now DH is fianlly fed up with it.
He needs to file contempt.
He needs to file contempt. When it gets in front of a judge, he may not FIND her in contempt, but it will set a precedence, and you can start a documentation trail.
Well, given more history I
Well, given more history I say go for the contempt complaint!
Yes, she is
Yes, she is ....Unfortunately.
Unfortunately, I would be
Unfortunately, I would be very surprised if they sent BM to jail. Courts have a very hard time sending a CP to jail because of the effect it will have on the child.
But your DH needs to get all the police reports in order for court.
One time we took our BM to court for contempt and she was ordered to pay my H $500. A piddly amount, I know, but at least it is in the court findings that she is one to not follow the court order.
Ask for her to pay attorney's fees too since it is her actions/inactions that caused the hearing.
Does BM have a car? That
Does BM have a car? That could explain her dad's involvement.
I think your DH did the right thing. If BM can't drive for whatever reason then that is an issue she needs to address in court in front of your judge.
It shouldn't matter if she
It shouldn't matter if she has a car or can drive. If that was the dad they no one would care in the least! It is still her responsibility to get sd to where she needs to be weather it is to the dad or to the doc or wherever!
Yeah, if dad cannot afford a
Yeah, if dad cannot afford a vehicle or insurance or gas after paying CS, medical insurance and all the extras - TOO BAD.
I don't understand why BM's
I don't understand why BM's Father is involved. It is basically none of his concern. Regarding contempt charges/visitaion interference, If there are other times she's interfered sure, but you have to think about the kids and how they'll react to Dad having Mom tossed in jail. You also need to have record of this with confirmation of police reports. The police are reluctant to get involved in domestic situations. It sounds like you are within different police districts too, which might get tricky. Good Luck with whatever you decide.
The thing is, it isn't dad
The thing is, it isn't dad having mom tossed in jail. It's mom choosing to ignore a court order & the consequence being time in jail.
Our BM tried to pin her facing jail time on DH. Skids were all upset because BM told them daddy was having her thrown in jail because she didn't have enough money to pay CS. BS! Mommy chose to ignore an order. Therefore, she chose to suffer the conseqence.
I agree where is the self
I agree where is the self responsibility?? She was the one that CHOSE to ignore the order, no one else's fault but her own! This is the main reason that the courts favor mom's over dads with this kind of mentality!
Go FOr it!
Go FOr it!
BM has always had her
:sick: BM has always had her parents, her sister, her boyfriends, her brother whoever drop SD off. BM NEVER does it herself. DH has told the parents that it's not their responsibility to get SD anywhere, it's BMs. BM does drive, she has a van. The thing is, SD is NEVER late and NEVER misses a soccer game
BM makes sure that SD gets to her activitives on time. BM doesn't think that DH and SDs time is important, therefore, BM feels she doesn't have to have SD to DH.
BMs parents do everything, and I mean everything for her. They wipe her ass, pay all her attorneys fees, let her and her 3 kids live with them. They even bail her outta jail. BM doesn't have a job, so therefore, there is no reason BM can't get SD to DH at their chosen, court ordered drop pff/ pick up spot
BM has ZERO responsibility in life..This is why her father and mother do the drop offs of SD.
We are in the same situation.
We are in the same situation. BM has taken 7 visits. BUT we are out of state. DH has driven to each of these visits only to have BM not show at all. All of the reasons are bogus and sometimes there is no reason at all. Other than what she told her counselor - she does not want to drive.
Contempt case was filed back in March and we are still waiting to go to court. It has been continued now three times. Just ridiculous. But my suggestion would be file the case.
Some BMs feel like the court order is subject to their feelings if they are going to comply instead of doing what is right. If DH is following the court ordered file the contempt case against her. Let the judge deal with it.
My DH has every other weekend
My DH has every other weekend with SD-From Friday night until monday morning when he drops her off at school. He has two mid-week visits for two hours each visit.