Need Quick advise on My Side as a BM
So my Daughter 13 is struggling with school, so we requested she get a weekly progress report that each teacher fills out. So two Fridays ago she didn’t bring it to her dad, she said a teacher kept it, so we had a long talk with her (both her father and I) . So she was suppose to bring it on Monday and said told her dad that she didn’t have it again. So I get a text from her stepmom saying that my daughter didn’t bring her weekly progress report again and that she would keep me posted on if she brings it the next day (mind you I haven’t gotten a text from her in a few months) so I was a little ticked at BD because I want her to be responsible and If she is failing a class to be honest so her dad and I can help her. So I talked to dad and SM sent the same message to him cause he was working late. So My Ex and I talk about it and are wondering what to do by this time regular grades were out so we knew what the grades were. But BD still did not show us the grades for the week prior. BD called to see if she can come home a day early. So I said yes and my plan was to talk to her about not bring the weekly report home and also her actual report card.
So she gets home and I lecture her for about 30 mins, and what I expect. I asked her why she didn’t bring the weekly report back and she said she did, so I asked her well why would your dad say you didn’t. She said that she showed SM, I didn’t believe her. So I am at this point at my wits end with the lies. So the next day I get BD9 from school and ask her how her day was and the week at dads, fine, fine , fine. So I comment it was a long week with BD13 for Dad huh, she said yeah but because SM didn’t tell dad about BD’s weekly report. I said what????? Yeah SM said that with grades like that Dad you better not let your dad see them. SM Yelled at her and never told dad. So BD9 keeps going on about the night and how dad didn’t believe her because SM kept the Report. And how BD 13 just got pissed and went to her room for the rest of the night. BD9 told me that she was listening in on her Dad and SM and how SM was telling dad how irresponsible BD13 is and that her attitude sucks. BD9 also said that SM called her a smart ass cause BD9 challenged something that SM was calling BD13 on (sticking up for her sister as she put it).
So I texted my ex on Friday saying to call me when he has a chance (didn’t want to go into it via text), and I guess is phone got lost so, now he has a new one and send me an email asking what I needed to talk to him about. I told him I would call him……….. So my problem is now what do I say to him so that he knows what going on with SM and the girls but without causing any Drama with the girls and her and so that she doesn’t go back to feeling threatened by me and butting my ex back in the middle of her tug a war.
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I would double check with the
I would double check with the teacher also. In my opinion - i wouldn't talk to ExH about it. You have no control over what happens in his house or who he chooses to share his life with. I would confirm the story & apologize to BD. I would let her know that hiding things/lying from Dad is not tolerated. Also let her know that just because she has bad grades doesn't mean that her Dad with think she's a failure. I would also let BD know that from now on she should only take the progress report to her Dad because her SM has caused grief for BD, You, Dad & the school. Even if Dad is working late - show him the report first thing in the morning as this is important & his responsibility.
We tried that the only
We tried that the only problems is that the teacher can seem to get it together and send a response. We get a better response with the progress reports. SS13 gets one too, and has most of the same teachers just different periods.
I also spoke to the counsler and EXH and I are going to sit down with her and the teachers that BD13 is having trouble with.
I think I am just going to
I think I am just going to leave this alone. I am going to believe my daughters becase they didn't have time to come up with a plot against SM, it would have been hard since there was a quick unplanned change in schedule on BD13's part.
I am going to advise BD13 to only give it to her dad and I, and to be nice if SM requests and just nicely let her know that she will give it her dad.
BD has enough to deal with when it comes to his wife, and I just really don't want to deal with her like I use to in the past. I would rather keep the harmony between my ex and I, we have come a long way to achieve this.
And with Regards to SM calling BD9 a smart ass, my daughter is a lil pill and she will let you know when you are wrong and explain you faults to you. Hopefully SM realizes that this kid is smart and will call people out on their BS.
I will just tell EXH that I need to know what his schedule is like, since BD13 counsler is trying to work out a time for us to meet with the teachers of the classes BD13 is having trouble in. (Yeah that sounds good)
Thanks Guys!!!
I would call the school to
I would call the school to see if SM signed the Report Card. That is just more information and verification for what the kids are telling you.
If you can confirm what the kids are telling you then call BioDad and discuss the situation 1:1 with him. SM may be trying to build rapport with the kids but keeping grades from the BioParents is not the way to go about doing it.
Good luck.