BM Having a Bad Day?
When I got home from work yesterday FDH told me about this. I hope BM was just having a bad day, and that this isn't the beginning of anything...
Yesterday morning BM called FDH to ask if he could watch FSD8 while BM went to class (apparently she's taking some courses). She wanted FDH to watch her because she said that FSD is sick--and for some reason she doesn't like the sitter to watch the kids when they're sick. Anyway, she wanted FDH to watch her from 5pm-9pm. FDH and I just went on a trip for which he already missed 2 days of work. As a result, he's totally backed up and has been staying a little later on the job. As far as I know, BM doesn't know about any of that. So, what FDH said was that he would call her back later and let her know how his schedule was looking. Come 4:45pm he's still working and doesn't hear his phone ring. She leaves a voicemail saying "Fine, f--k you, I'll stay home and miss my class." I asked FDH if he talked to FSD to see how sick she was. He said he did talk to her and she sounded a little under the weather, but FSD was herself saying that she was fine (she's kinda like her dad and doesn't like to admit that she's sick unless it's really bad). We already know that BM is a bit of a hypochondriac.
We have yet to have any major problems with BM. I'm hoping that she was just having a bad day and maybe looking for a scapegoat--who knows, maybe she was looking for a reason to miss class? We've never had the kids during her classes, so it was an odd call. I don't know. I just hope this was not a sign of things to come. Especially with the holidays coming up, we don't want any drama.
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I hope for you guys to that
I hope for you guys to that she's just having a bad day but I have learned that the BM's bad days last for weeks. I have learned that she is going to make things hard cause DH isn't there for her all the time like they think he should be then they will use the kids as a way to get at DH watch it and get yourself ready! Maybe you'll have better luck then me!
So BM has a sick kid and
So BM has a sick kid and doesn't want to take her to the sitter... likely because the sitter won't take her. So she calls dad in the morning and asks if he can watch the kid at 5. Dad says he'll call back. At 4:45, when dad hasn't called back, when mom doesn't have enough time to make alternate arrangements, mom calls back and is upset and says she'll just miss her class.
You don't see why she might be upset? I'm guessing she was having a bad day. And I'm guessing I know the reason why. I think that was very inconsiderate on dad's part.
Definitely frustrating, but
Definitely frustrating, but it wouldn't have been a bad idea for BM to try to figure out a backup plan. Usually, when someone doesn't give me a straight answer I create multiple back-up plans so that when PlanA falls apart (like I pretty much know will happen already), PlanB & C are ready and waiting.
That's just me, but I think there was poor communication on DH's part but wouldn't exactly "BLAME" him. Sometimes shit happens and it's up to YOU (whether you are an SM or BM) to make sure all of your bases are covered. Simply asking once and not following up until 15 minutes before is pretty lazy.
I understand why she could be
I understand why she could be upset but if your working and your busy do you really have time to stop and think I need to call her now. There have been times when I am working knowing I have to call someone at 3 and look up and its 4 its called work. If she also waited till last min to find another babysitter that's on her.
Then FDH should have told her
Then FDH should have told her no right off the bat - these men want to appease these BM's and in the end when they can't it just makes them more mad. If he had said right away - NO I am working I just got back from a trip and I am working extra and can't sorry - then BM would have known to make alternate plans - taking classes in college is not the same as in high school - you can miss a lot by missing one class and some professors only let you miss 2 or 3 and if you have children that can add up very quickly. It seems she is trying to better herself to perhaps get a better job and she needs to go to these classes - he just should have been upfront with her right from the beginning. I don't care much for BM's but it sounds like yours is trying to be okay so I would run with that and be honest with her and don't try to make her happy when you know you can't and then you screw up her day and don't give her a chance to rectify it.
I suppose that's true. I
I suppose that's true. I figured that she didn't want the sitter to watch the kids; I didn't consider that the sitter would refuse to watch the kids, but now that you mention it that makes sense. What sitter wants to be contagious? Goes to show that I'm not a mother!
I do wish FDH had called her back a little earlier. He does that to me, too, though, especailly on busy days. He works on doors, so he drives a lot and is usually around loud tools--sometimes I text him and I don't get a response until the end of the day. To be fair, he did make it clear to her that he might not be able to. Still, you're absolutely right, he should have called back sooner.
My ex is like that too.
My ex is like that too. He'll get involved in something and forget everything around him. I think it's inconsiderate of him. I now know not to count on him and I bypass him altogether and make other arrangements. It's too bad for ex that he doesn't get extra time with the kids that he could have otherwise gotten. If your FDH wants to maintain that option, I would suggest he apologize. No sense in giving BM a legitimate complaint when they are so good at making up ridiculous ones, kwim?
If my kids are sick even step
If my kids are sick even step kids I don't go to class..... I have learned to rely on Me and Me alone. and if the sitter won't take her then the kids is sick.
But also Dad should have called her back earlier despite the fact that he was busy, just to avoid the rude VM and a raging BM!
Don't sweat it Lesson Learned!
Quick Question could you have watched the SD?
Thanks Shell, after the other
Thanks Shell, after the other response I felt pretty guilty about getting a little upset about it.
Unfortunately no, I couldn't have helped. I have about an hour and a half commute, so even though I get off at 4:30, I don't usually get home until 6:00 or so--plus she and the kids live about a half hour further south, so I wouldn't be able to make it there until at least 6:30. When he told me about the situation, I calculated it all.
I don't know how she would feel about me watching them even if I were able to. I've never picked them up from her on my own.
Yes, BD, should have shown
Yes, BD, should have shown more concern for the well-being of his BD. BM (based on what you've written) have not been problematic in causing drama in your lives & I think she was simply upset that she was not able to attend her class for that evening. I'm a student & missing class is not something I practice. BM is obviously trying to make a better life for herself & her child by furthering her education & BD should have been less concerned about what [he] was doing & more concerned about his BD . . . perhaps he could have called BM to instruct her on a drop-off point (in a timely matter). It could have been at his place of work, to his home, etc. He really didn't have to stick BM like that (he really owes BM an apology & that he'll do better next). It should be to any means necessary when it comes to his child. BM is not the problem in the situation to me. As the wife, you should talk to your DH & encourage him to apologize to BM & his BD . . . that's just my opinion.
The Dh was working he was not
The Dh was working he was not out having a good ole time - he was at work - he was wrong in not telling BM right off the bat that he could not watch BD but he did call her and she said she felt okay - he needs to work - but he also needs to be more considerate of BM who is trying to go to school.
I think everyone tries as hard as they can for their children sometimes every means necessary is not an option - people need to work - people are losing their homes, jobs, retirement savings - they need to work.
You should really practice
You should really practice what you preach Caregiver1127. If I'm not mistaken (which I know I'm not), you were just carrying on & complaining about the same thing you've just done to me. BOTTOM-LINE, I am entitled to my very own viewpoint & like I said "It should be to any means necessary for your child & nothing less." This is not your blog so don't attack me for providing my views & I'm always respectful of others feelings (however, I am to keep it real b/c that's what I'm looking for when I post my blog). Thank you very much & do me favor (just stop it right now). If you have anything further youo wish to say to [me] post it to as a private message & remain off of this lady's blog with your nonsense.
Practice What You Preach . . . Hypocrite!
Maux, not at all! Life is
Maux, not at all! Life is grand, sweetie. It's just that Caregiver1127 should really practice exactly what she was just complaining about only a week ago [SMDH]. We're all entitled to provide our very own insight & should not be faced with people such as Caregiver as well as yourself behaving in such a senseless way. This is where I get off & I'm done with it . . . so I hope you have a pleasant evening.
Now I do agree that FDH
Now I do agree that FDH should have called BM back a bit earlier. Please, however, do not assume that he does not care about his daughter's health. As I said, he spoke with her, and she was not terribly ill, just a little sick. I think his lack of concern is about BM, but yes he should have been more considerate and timely in his response to her.
Also, to clarify, I am not the wife, but the gf/fdw. I will talk to him when I get home about the whole thing, because I do think it's good that she's taking classes and if we can help we should. I don't think I will go so far as to encourage him to apologize though, at least not directly--it's just not how their relationship works. Instead maybe we could work something out so that if something crops up like this again we have a plan (with her) on when/where to get the kids (maybe I can get off early if he can't, but BM would have to agree to that).
In order for it to work all
In order for it to work all sides must be in agreement - she seems like a pretty good BM but if she balks at you having the kids then she needs to bear the brunt of that and not complain when DH can't get off of work -
You know, I think this must
You know, I think this must have struck a chord with some SMs who deal with flakey/unreliable exH's. I didn't really look at it that way before, but it upset me when I started to think of it in that light. I know FDH is not that kind of ex or BD, but unfortunately that is how his actions played out in this situation. I don't think he thought of it in that light either, but I'm sure that if I bring it up to him he'll feel bad about his actions and will not be so inconsiderate next time around.
We do have a decent working relationship with BM, and I don't think either of us want to do anything to jeapordize that. Thank you all for all of your responses; it really helps to get outside opinions on these things sometimes.