My crazy life
I'm sad to say I'm talking about my biological family here and not steps.
My daughter 19 lives with my mom and happens to have a 3 year old child.(She had him young)
My daughter has been trying to help out around the house while holding down a job and going to college. I know my daughter and I know she's not perfect and I'm sure she shoulders some of the burden of the argument but my mom is trying to control her and I just can't seem to do anything about it.
My mom wanted her to get a job, she gets one and now my mom says she's not home enough and needs to quit.
My daughter can fold clothes but they aren't folded right so my mom makes her do it again. (don't blame my mom if daughter is doing it half butted just to get out of being asked to do it again) but now my mom has resorted to calling her fat, ugly, stupid etc whenever she's mad at my daughter. She tries to tell my daughter that she's a bad mom. If my daughter makes peas my mom yells she wanted green beans. Etc. all controlling issues. I told my daughter she's being emotionally abused and she needs to get out. I just don't understand how family can be this way to family. BTW I recently discovered my mom forced my daughter into having an abortion and I'm upset about that issue but nothing I can do now. My mom found out that I knew and now she's telling people a bunch of crap about me that isn't true to get people to not talk to me. I've pretty much written her off anyhow. I figure you can't fix crazy but I'm shocked the drama thats going on is going on in my family at not step related. I guess nuts are everywhere. I'm just venting not really looking for advice. I did offer my daughter to move down here 2 hours away but she wants to stay in the area. So I've been working on building her confidence back up and getting her set to get her own place.
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Oh and every dime my daughter
Oh and every dime my daughter makes my mom tries to take so that my daughter can not control her own money. I put an end to that. Also my daughters car has been on the fritz so my mom shuts off her cell. something she needs in case of emergency so that my daughter will quit her job and stay home. I got her a cell phone and i'm going to have her car looked at. Just crap my mom pulls to control her
I understand your wanting to
I understand your wanting to help your daughter, she is after all your daughter! You have offered her a place to come to. If it gets bad enough, she will remember and have a way out.
Other than that, like you say, you can't reason with crazy and you can't change it and you can't argue with it because that just makes crazy enjoy it more.
So, I am not sure what you can do. Does your mom act the same towards the child? If so, I would talk to your daughter about getting temporary custody to at least get the child out of the situation until your daughter can get out on her own...
My daughter has custody of
My daughter has custody of her child. She doesn't make a ton of money and she's been told she can't make it on her own by my mother, I know she makes enough for an apartment but there won't be much after that. I'm here to help when and where I can but she has to decide she's had enough and move out or start to move before I jump in to help. I've been sucked into family drama before with my mother and I'm not doing it again. My daughter has to want to get out of that and when she wants it bad enough she will. Its just hard watching from the sidelines.
I totally understand. My DS
I totally understand. My DS just turned 20 and I have to stop myself from jumping in to rescue him in his situations (although none as damaging as your situation).
If anything good comes out of this, it is that your daughter's eyes have been opened to your mother's ways.
Did your mom act the same
Did your mom act the same towards you when you were growing up?
YES she did and still does.
YES she did and still does. She didn't start acting like this with my daughter until recently. My mom always ran me down to my daughter and my daughter always believed it. I couldn't have been more shocked when my daughter called me and told me that she understands why I have very limited contact with my mother and how now she realizes what really went on all those years. My mom was always good to my daughter until recently. Everyone who ever lived with my mom, I have 4 siblings, left on bad terms. I've decided I'm way too old to have my mom cause grief in my life and I no longer answer the phone when she calls. All calls from her are screened. I'm tired of her calling at all hours yelling about stuff that occurred 20 years ago like it just happened. I know my mom needs help but she won't get it until she realizes it and I doubt she ever will. Its sad really. I used to always try to make her like me because I always felt that I was missing something. One day I realized I really can't miss what I've never had which is a loving mother. She would tell me my hair was too long, I'd cut it to make her happy then it was too short, etc. I know how she is which makes it harder for me to know she's doing the same thing to my child but my child is an adult now and knows I'm here to help but I can't and won't make her decisions.
After I replied last
After I replied last something came to me, My mom has always made me out to be the bad one in the family, running her mouth about how horrible I am and was and how stupid I am etc. I can't believe this didn't come to me sooner. My mom is unemployed and in April she told me she felt that since my daughter lives with her right now she wants 35K a year. I told her I didn't have it and thought she was being unreasonable. She called me some nasty names and I haven't talked to her since, her calls go to voice mail and I'd call back if need to but nothing has needed me to call back. Hmmmm In May one month later she turned on my daughter. When I refused to play the game she started attacking my daughter to suck me back in and it isn't working.
She's worried about dropping
She's worried about dropping out of school this semester. She's trying to keep her grades up and apply for scholorships, I applaud her for that but I also know she may need to take a semester off school to get her head straight and get safe. We've discussed the possibility of transferring her credits to another school vs staying at the school she's at and getting an apartment. The two of us discussed the fact she should go it alone and not rely on her boyfriend or anyone else to sign a lease with her, not that she can't have someone live with her. I just don't want her signing too expensive of a lease and having the other person not pay. The first apartment she looked at has a high crime rate so I told her she would be safer staying with grandma right now. We did find another apartment that looks nice and that I can help her pay a portion of if money is short. In all fairness to my SS's though we will not foot the entire bill for her, besides I believe she has to work for what she wants to a certain extent. Grandson is 3 so he hopefully won;t remember most of the bad if they get out soon.