This topic has been burning my tail feathers for a while and it's really not about what you are probably thinking. This actually has to do with SD15 and SS20.

To give some background, DH and his HS GF were pretty serious when she got pregnant a little over 20 years ago. Her mom went psycho and moved her and the baby after he was born to Miami, FL. DH couldn't follow because he didn't have a job and was preparing to go into the military. Since there wasn't much of a choice at the time, he did what he had to do and went into the military. He met XW#1, had SD15 and they were married for about 8 years or so, he got out of the military because she gave him an ultimatum, and they wound up getting divorced a year later. While they were married though, child services sought him out to give him SS20 because his BM was in jail but XW#1 had a holy hissy fit and refused to accept the child, so there went the opportunity for SS to be in their lives. Anyways, after DH and XW#1 divorced, DH met XW#2, had SS8 and she made his life a living hell, so after about 2 years of "on-again, off-again" living, they got divorced. I met DH the same day his divorce decree came in the mail. Kind of funny I thought. Anyways, we dated for a while, bought a house together and that first Christmas in our new house, his parents came up. His mom brought along a card and took DH outside to give it to him. He asked me to come outside and gave me the card to look at (fearing I would have the same reaction XW#1 had). It was from his old GF with pictures of his oldest son, at the time 16. Spitting image! So he decided to call after much debate and I talked him into calling and he talked for 6 hours straight - to her and then to him. It was great.

So fast forward a year or two and DH tells SD15 (then 13) and SS8 (then 6) about SS20 (then 18) and SD goes off about how she never knew her older brother, DH was keeping things from her, etc. I told her that she didn't know about him because DH really didn't know about him. He knew he was out there but had never heard from X-GF so didn't know anything about him until that Christmas. SS20 called about every other week or so and would talk to me and DH and SS8 and would call SD on her cell phone or whatever. SD always thought he was a big dork and didn't want to have anything to with him after talking to him. Okay, that's somewhat understandable.

SO anyways, SS20 decides he's going to follow in DH's footsteps (minus the baby thing) and goes into the military as well, same branch and MOS and was sent to Afghanistan. He was preparing to come home for a visit this past April and the humvee he was in hit an IED. The driver and front passenger died; SS20 got injured from the blast. He actually pulled the front passenger out although he was hurt himself and tried to keep him alive but he passed away. For that valantry though, he was awarded the Purple Heart. He called DH from the hospital and couldn't really tell him much, just that he was "blown up" and that he couldn't come home. DH was distraught but he wanted his kids to know what happened because they were hoping to see him. So he calls XW#1 to tell her what happened and she acted all worried and concerned and told SD15. He also called XW#2 and told her the same thing so she could let SS8 know. Apparently SD15 was unconsolable.

Fast forward to this past July - SS20 finally comes home for 2 weeks of leave. He visits with us for a week (this is the first time he actually meets me and the kids) and we had a great time. He got along really well with his brother and sisters and it was just wonderful. We were so sad to take him back to the airport - we were all crying. SS20 is still over there but we are hoping he will be out for good in the next month or so. Keep fingers crossed!!

And I'm sure you're now asking why my tail feathers are burning...

Here's why. Ever since SS20 came into our lives, SD15 has always thought and talked down on him. "He's a dork." "He's stupid." whatever. Wouldn't give him the time of day. And now that he is a war hero, now it's all "I love my brother" blah blah blah.

Don't get me wrong, i'm glad that she has a new found respect and appreciation for her brother, but at the same time, it upsets me because it took him getting hurt for her to understand that he is her brother and that she should be genuinely concerned about him. And it also makes me wonder, once he gets out of the military, if her attitude towards him will change.

I really get the feeling, and maybe i'm just being overly cynical, that she's using her brother and his status as a military member, to get attention from her friends. Her mother is the same way. I find it highly irritating and disrespectful really to use SS20 in this manner.

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive to this issue but it just seems that since SS20 got hurt, NOW it's okay for SD to acknowledge him.

I don't know - what do you all think?