Sorta OT - SS & Daycare
SS3 had his tonsils and adenoids removed last Monday (not yesterday, but the Monday before). Doc said keep him home a week and he should be good to go back to daycare with regular doses of Tylenol. We've had SS since last Friday and the weekend went well, he hardly complained of pain. Now all of a sudden yesterday and today, when he went back to school, he is complaining a lot about the pain, and the daycare people are saying he is "not handling the pain very well". I picked SS up from daycare yesterday and he was sitting in a corner by himself, he looked like he had been crying, they said he wasn't feeling well and had a rough day; complained a lot about pain. Well almost immediately after we walked out of the daycare SS got happy. He was laughing and talking and didn't complain about any pain until it was almost time for another dose of Tylenol, and even then it was just "my throat hurts, can I get some more medicine", he got his meds and that was that. Today they called BF and told him that SS needed to be picked up because again, he's not handling the pain well. I know the pain gets worse during the second week after the removal but BF and I are not understanding why SS is all of a sudden experiencing a significantly more amount of pain during the day while he's at daycare. :?
FYI - I also dropped SS at daycare this morning. He was talking and happy the whole morning and the whole way to daycare, even up until we got his jacket off and in his cubby. As soon as I walked him into his room he immediately shut down. He stopped smiling, put his head down and just stared at the ground. He didn't want to go in, he didn't want to play or talk to anyone, wouldn't say goodbye to me. He sat down against the wall next to the door and didn't move. This isn't unusual behavior for SS. He has never really liked going to daycare, and we just can't seem to figure out why. But the way he reacted when seeing the morning helpers in his room makes me wonder.
We're wondering if the more frequent "pain" is actually due to him just not wanting to be there, and he's just blaming it on his throat.
What are your thoughts?
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I work with developmentally
I work with developmentally disabled folks and this "pain" idea is a tactic they use a lot to get out of doing things they don't want to do. It is not always "pain" (hence the quotation marks). I had one individual that had a walking program. He didn't like to do it. So, when it looked like staff were gearing up to make him walk, he would fake a seizure. This guy had the cognitive functioning level of maybe an 18month old, and that's pushing it. Another, would poop himself every time he was somewhere he didn't want to be. He had to have his own 1:1 staff just because of those incidents. Amazingly, when he was in a place he enjoyed (typically when food was involved) he never once had an accident. Kids and DD folks are SO smart and manipulative. They get away with it because many people can't see past their age/disability.
Also, I know he's only 3, but have you tried asking him why he doesn't like daycare?
I think the manipulation part
I think the manipulation part is dead on. I was going to say, if SS sees that you make a big deal out of him complaining about pain, he will milk it for all it's worth. But, if you don't make it a big issue, he won't either. I know he has some pain, but in our opinion he is dealing with it quite well, just uses it when he needs/wants something.
BF did ask him that one day, in front of his teacher at the time. His answer was, "because I don't like Ms. Whatever (his teacher)". BF got a little embarrassed at that one. He won't say much more than that. Or he says "because so and so was mean today", or "I just don't want to talk right now". It's been hard to get a straight answer from him.
I wonder... You know how
I wonder...
You know how Child Therapists use drawings/toys to get young kids to express what is going on in their lives? I wonder if you could use the same tactic on SS. For instance, what if you played a game where SS was the 'teacher' and you were the student. How he treats you when he's the 'teacher' may be a really good indicator of how he is being treated and what is going on at day care. Maybe there are just extra rules he doesn't like or doesn't understand so he gets in trouble? I don't know...just an idea?
That's a good idea
That's a good idea
Sounds to me that he's just
Sounds to me that he's just milking it. He got to spend a few days at home and liked that much better than day care, so now he's trying to see if he can use the pain excuse to go home! I think you should have a talk with him about being a big boy and how he should be able to handle the pain now because the doctor said he would be fine by now. I know in my SS's case, he'd rather not go to the doctor again, so I wonder if it would work to say, "I wonder if we should take you to the doctor again?"
Sometimes a little manipulation in return is what works.
Milking is definitely some of
Milking is definitely some of it, but he's been saying how he doesn't want to go, and that he doesn't like it for awhile now. I guess just keep plugging away to try and figure it out.
"Sometimes a little manipulation in return is what works."
Not doubting that some of it
Not doubting that some of it sounds like manipulation, and I really like the drawing idea. I had my tonsils out this past August, and the second week was WAY worse than the first. I think a lot of it was because I was talking too much. IF he is playing at all, that might be contributing to pain, too, but if he's doing normal things at home and ok, then maybe not.
I work in a Daycare setting
I work in a Daycare setting and his not wanting to go may have deeper meanings than his throat. There could very well be something going on that he doesn't like. We had one boy 'G' and on his first day ever of daycare, I made him take a nap. From that day forth, he hated me and anything that went wrong, whether I was there or not, was my fault.
We had both good moments and bad, but his mom got so upset that she wanted me moved out. Eventually he got moved to a different class and we have ALL had a better child care experience since.
Sometimes listening to him and setting a meeting with teachers helps to put the pieces together. Some kids clash with certain teachers for little things and those things can have an effect for a while.
Also, most childcare facilities that I know of, allow parents to come and spend time at the daycare. That way, parents can observe interactions between their kid and other people around. There are some kids who do well having parents stay and others who don't. Trial and error, and a possible new daycare may be in order.
"Also, most childcare
"Also, most childcare facilities that I know of, allow parents to come and spend time at the daycare."
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Really? BF actually asked if he could stay for a day, or even just part of a day and observe. The way the daycare is set up he would be able to watch without being obtrusive, and SS probably wouldn't even know he was there. They flat out refused him. I can understand them not wanting BF to be a disruption, but as I said he could observe without causing more issues, so why not? He never got a good answer from them, just "it's not something we do". I think another meeting will definitely be in order.
Well that sounds pretty
Well that sounds pretty fishy. I would definitely try talking with them again.