I seriously must've missed something when it comes to relationships and kids.

When now-DH and I started dating, his BD was 9 and BS was 2. I distinctly remember XW#1 (D's BM) and her DH (#3) telling my now-DH, "don't bring women around xxxx unless you will be with her for a while." Okay - i got that. This family was blended because BM had custodial rights of D and then her DH had a BD who was a 3-4 years older than BM's D. Anyways - back to the story. So BM has a history of going to the bars and meeting men and sleeping around with them (this is why now-DH and XW#1 divorced), and apparently met a guy with a motorcycle and thought this was the best. So she and DH got divorced so she could be with motorcycle guy. XW#1 cried to my DH when she and DH#3 split up and told DH how much she hated DH#3 and all of this crap. DH told XW#1 that he respected her opinions although he knew they would change but also told her that he did not feel comfortable with BD then 12 being around now XH#3. He had his own BD to deal with and DH did not feel it was appropriate that his BD be around him now that BM was no longer with him.

So far this story is somewhat common. This is what I don't understand though. I'm talking to SD-now 15 about school and how things are going and riding the bus and all and she tells me that she rides the bus in the morning and afternoon. She will be starting fall sports soon so I asked her about the practice times (really just being nosy and making small talk so she'll talk to me) and she tells me that days she doesn't have practice, she rides the bus - days she does have practice, XSD picks her up. WHAT?! WTF?!

It gets better though. When BM wants to go out with her BF, she calls XH#3 to see if it's okay for SD15 to go over there. Apparently, XSD also takes her shopping, still pays for her cell phone (and XW's iPhone), coaches SD15's softball team, buys things for her, etc.

So I guess this whole thing is way over my head. This guy, XSD, NEVER put as much effort into his BD as he does the now-XSD. I cannot fathom why this guy is sticking around - yeah, maybe he's genuinely concerned about his XSD -- GET OVER IT, SHE DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU. He has absolutely no strings attached - he can go and never need to speak to XW again. I don't get it.

The only thing I can figure is that he's still in love with XW and is hoping she'll "see the light" and dump motorcycle guy. Hate to tell you buddy - he's not going anywhere for a while -- he proposed to her, they just bought a house and another bike. In the meantime though, she is using the hell out of him to chauffer SD around. Not to mention that when XW has long distances to drive, XH#3 is in tow.

DH and I have discussed this several times, even when XW#1 and DH#3 were still married, about DH#3's role in SD15's life. I'm glad that they got along so well, but at the same time, there has to be something else going on in DH#3's mind. I don't want to go there but sexual maybe? :sick: I don't know. SD15 is a very pretty girl and I can't quite put my finger on what it is that is keeping XSD around.

Anyways - I'm going to talk to DH about what SD told me. He's going to flip. But the thing is - does he say something to XW#1 about his disagreement of XDH#3's direct involvement still in D's life? It is his business, IMHO, but I know it will start a firestorm of hate mail and SD will stop visiting, etc. I want to tell XSD to grow a set and use them. Yeah right. :rolls eyes:

I'm at a loss at what to do so any thoughts are welcome.