It is very hard getting kids going in the morning...I agree. But, what if all three kids were all yours? You would just deal with it. It's going to be very hard on everyone when DF tries to get custody...no one can say where that will go. The best thing to do is just try to make the best of every day (and pregnant, too...bless your sweet caring heart!)

DH and I have 3 kids (2 his, 1 mine) and have been together since the youngest was still in diapers. We both also have to be at work early, and have learned some valuable lessons about getting as much ready the night before as you can. Literally. Clothes ironed and laid out, socks and shoes right by the clothes, diaper and wipes ready for the first change of the morning, diaper bag packed for daycare, school bag packed and either by the door or in the car, bottles made, lunches made, baths the night before. Toothbrushes and hairbrushes in the bathroom-ready to be used. We really did get this down to an art and even though the kids are now in junior high, I still do a lot of this (I now have to be at work even earlier than I used to), so all I have to do is roll out of bed, hair, makeup, get dressed--out the door! I get up at 3:45, I am waking my BD up at 4:15 and we are out the door by 4:30!!

We have a similar situation

My DH met BM when she was pregnant and he fell in love with SD. SD has been a handful (she's grown now ) but DH would never have considered not keeping her with her sibling group (DH has two daughters from his relationship with BM).

I know what you are going through is very hard and managing a house-full of kids and getting everyone where they need to be is challenging. For myself, I found the easiest to be private daycare with a caregiver who is willing to take care of a baby, ss and get SD to and from school.

Maybe you have a family member needing some extra cash who would be willing to do this for you.

Are you planning on going back to work right after the baby is born? I went back to work when my youngest was 5 months and I was still breast feeding and not sleeping through the night yet. Ugh,

Agree with wriggsy. I have 3 bios- 6mths, stb4 and 5. When he baby was born I had to do it all myself. I have no friends in town and no family that could help. So I did and still do what I need to do to get things done. As a newborn I had to wake up the baby, load all 3 kids inthe car, take dd5 to school, then back home to nurse baby. Then a few hours later dothe same to pick up dd. On top ofthat dd also had dance class we would all have to go to. This school year same thing- I have to load all 3 kids, take the older 2 to 2 different schools, back home then pick up both kids at 2 different times as well as to their activities after school- all with a nursing baby! So, I can be done and you can find a way for it to work.

However, as far as the entire sd situation goes...is her bd paying cs for her? Does he ever see her or does she visit him? I don't understand why he would pay cs for her but never see her. Sounds like bm has it made- 2 checks and no kids! I think that if dh wants to change things then he needs to do it. The resentment might build up and when she's older it will be harder on her. Yeah, if he adopts her the cs would go up. If he totally denies her then it will cut off any responsibility he has but hurt the little girl. However she does have a dad who might want to see her.... Eventually thetruth will all come out and dh has to figure out what his role will be now and then. If dh wants to contact the bd maybe he should and find out if he wants to have a relationship with his own daughter. Also, I know you said you loved sd as much as your real step but you do have different feelings towards sd otherwise you wouldn't be so willing to cut off her visits & not the other's visits. Maybe dh feels the same and is ready to get out of his 'duty'? I know some people will say he needs to be there since he made that committment in the beginning but the more I think about it, I think having sd bein raised in a home where the parents resent her & feel it is their 'duty' to takecare of her might be more harmful. Just thinking out loud.

I do applaud your dh though. I know my dh wouldn't have taken someone else's kid like that. And I can barely deal with dh's own son, so don't think I could handle a kid if it wasn't 'really' his. Both of you and anyone who raises any unrelated kid as their own deserves a medal at least!

what a difficult situation! but i must say, you are already treating your stepdaughter differently...
i think in this situation, even though you are in the midst of a pregnancy (i worried about finances, logistics, everything during my pregnancy, i think it was partially the hormones to blame), you really need to adjust your perspective to that of your stepdaughter. if she has been raised by your husband her whole life as his daughter (which was his choice as well), her place in your family should be exactly as important as your unborn child. if you really want this child to feel accepted and loved, you must simply forget about things like acknowledgement and/or compensation from anybody, especially your husband's ex wife. and just accept the step daughter as a full-fledged family member.
the fact that people think it is strange that you take your step daughter, shows that you don't have a clear position on where she stands in your family. if you were clear on this and accepted her as a member of your family, there would not be either room or interest for this kind of conversation in your life.
although it sounds like a very complicated mix of family, and it must be incredibly stressful, i think it is important to remember that SD was considered your husband's daughter before you came into the picture. in all fairness, it would be incredibly traumatic for this to change now for her because for her because she has a new step sibling herself.
good luck!