You are here

BM chooses not to communicate maturely...can we take her to court over this?

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 2:35pm

I posted my blog earlier about BM not willing to take any time off to take care of her sick son, my SS2. My fiance texted her and asked what the status was (wondering who was doing what) and her text back said, "I took care of it, that's all you need to know." DF texted back and said, "Well I do need to know where he is because that is in our court stipulation." Finally she told him that her friend was picking SS2 up and keeping him for the day. Then DF decided to call her instead of text. I was there and heard how he started the conversation:

He said very calmly, "I thought this time was your turn to take PTO since the last time he was sick SteppingUp and I split the day off to take him home?"

BM's response was "Shove it." and she hung up on him, and now will not answer his calls or texts.

This is ridiculous. DF cannot even co-parent with her because this is how she conducts phone conversations on a regular basis. She automatically turns into B**** of the Year and if DF has a concern it never gets resolved because she refuses to communicate. I have talked to him a lot about being careful and tip-toeing around how he says things to her so that there is no way she can jump to the defense right away...yet he can be completely calm and normal talking to her and I can hear her on the other end freaking out, or being snotty to him right off the bat.

This has got to be something the courts would frown upon as it is hampering parental communication, but how would we ever prove this is happening? Wouldn't it be a he-said-she-said thing?

Comments

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 3:22pm

Yes thank you for sharing your story. I can definitely see that happening with our situation too - BM never sensors her words around the kids about how she feels about DF. Fortunately, she has said that she's never had a problem with me and that I seem like a good person...but it's so frustrating to see that she won't just take a big girl pill and deal with parenting issues when she has to.

mom2five's picture

Submitted by mom2five on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 2:48pm

I don't know what the courts would do. A very wise attorney (one of the partners at the firm where I worked) used to tell people that "No amount of legal action will ever make your ex a good person". "Nothing I can file will change her character".

I do know that in some states, a parents ability to foster a good relationship with the other parent and with other family members is a consideration in custody actions.

rubysunshine88's picture

Submitted by rubysunshine88 on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 3:10pm

This is really intersting and I feel for you guys. My fiance's ex is the SAME way! I am 8, count 'em EIGHT, years younger than BM and she acts like such a child when it comes to talking to him. She calls him and I names, childish ones like idiot and chunkers, LOL. Anyway, no matter what the topic, she responds immaturely. I wish there was something the courts would do and I sure hope I live in a state that does recognize this kind of behavior when deciding further custody actions for us.

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 3:23pm

I think it's taken DF a long time to come to terms with the fact that nothing he says or does (by modeling GOOD parenting behavior) will change the way she is...same as what you're saying about the court system. However, the courts COULD make her take a parenting class...heck, we'll go too if that makes her feel better! Smile

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 4:23pm

Because we don't know what is going on for the night. We were supposed to pick him up at 5 and now we don't even know where he is to pick him up...at BM's house or at her friend's or what?

mommyto2's picture

Submitted by mommyto2 on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 9:19am

usually, it is stated in a court order that the BPs need to communicate in a productive manner that promotes the well-being and overall health of the child-- i do not think she is doing this at all.

iwishyouwould's picture

Submitted by iwishyouwould on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 11:57pm

I dont think much would come of it if you did take it to court. Kiddo's bm refuses to communicate with us at all...unless she wants to rehash how H terribly wronged her five years ago...again. Or the occasional entitlement and prostrate yourselves before my unique ability to give birth even though she's never raised kiddo rant... or the ever classic spew of vile hate directed at me because i do raise her child and she for whatever reason doesnt. Or, my personal favorite and the timeless classic, woe is me, i am so pitiful and wronged and everything is everyone else's fault tirade with accompanying tears and wrenching sobs. She could care less about KIDDO - school, activities, friends, interests, milestones, doctors visits, vacations etc. And all a judge can do is tell her look you immature brat, youve got a kid, so act like a parent and then shes gonna be like "yes of course (insert puppy dog eyes here) im so cute and innocent its all life's fault, not mine your honor" and continue doing exactly what she was before. sorry.