I simply wonder if we were all to sit down... lay down the blame and the anger, what would you be left with?

Would love fill your heart?

Would it be peace?

I did that. I handed over the stress of the ex and gently and firmly layed the burdens in the lap of my husband. I let go of all that she is and was.

I waited on my contentment and happiness to overflow my senses. I sat in anticipation as the sound of her voice faded away.

Her silence has brought me comfort... as I'm sure mine has brought her comfort as well.

But I still sat, waiting, wondering where my contenment lay... I realized that I had been far too busy pointing out the flaws of this woman, that I couldn't see my own contributions to the madness. I began to see the disordered person in my life for who she really was and realize that she was just as afraid of me as I was afraid of her... and that we hated each other so much all based on that fear. It took me determining my own imperfections (poor coping skills from childhood trauma, codependency,etc.) in order to start getting healthy myself. In that I began to see how I needed to have a little faith in the love of my husband and to lay down my insecurity and even challenge her to do the same... for me to find the happiness I so desperately was seeking. I have to admit, it's still a work in process, but I am so full of hope.. I can barely contain it.

I am in awe in how much time I wasted worrying about the mother of his children. They are connected for life in the three beautiful girls that they created from a marriage that was based on a whole lot of love, but a whole lot of heartache as well. That was their journey to begin and it is theirs to continue on.. in whatever capacity they see fit.

Just like the relationship between my husband and myself is ours... so completely ours.

BM got married last weekend. Her "something borrowed" was a blue ankle bracelet that I wore at my own wedding.

I never thought there would be a day where I could write those words. But here it is.. and I'm not even mad that she hasn't given it back yet.

Much love to anyone who ever helped me find this place.

Much, much love.

~Colorado Girl