I hate when he talks about the past...why why why!

Ok....so we are in the process of cleaning out the shed and replacing it with a new one. Which should be a happy day for me...in with the new out with the old....isnt that the old saying! ha

Well of course, as we are cleaning out the shed and after 6 years of being divorced we find things that belong to the ex wife. He then proceeded to tell me about each thing and how they belonged to her family and so on and so forth. After ignoring him as long as I could, I blurted out, "Must not be that important or she would not have left them here." Of course, he said I was being a smart A** and we went on with the cleaning.

Then after piling up all the ex's belongings, my husband who had told me all along that his son was coming to get it our of our way, then he tells me he has to take the stuff to her.

Ok...so I was not happy...so I decided to ride with him to take the stuff. Thought if I was there it would be awkward and they would not cry and shed tears over old memories. Well, IT WORKED. Thank Goodness...

Why this makes my skin crawl I will never know. But, it just irritates me that he can just act like nothing happend. They act like friends. Which I know is good for the kids. But, at some point where is the line?

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I agree with both Spunki and

I agree with both Spunki and BlendedFam. It does say a lot for his character. And if the ex can be cool about it, that says she's moved on too.

It's okay to be a little jealous of that. Knowing he loved her once... It really used to eat me up. Like every night at the dinner table I was looking at three obvious points of proof that he had sex with her at least three times! LOL

And then about 6 years ago (after being a step for 6 years) I realized it didn't bother me anymore.

And for me, it's this same feeling and understanding that allowed me to be pretty open and friendly with Loca Grande for so long. Whether she liked it or not, I was the one raising her kids. So I allowed her in my home. We went places together and attended school events.

And again, the fact that Loghead and Loca Grande are able to do those things now, for their kids, speaks volumes, and sets a good example for their children.

Time passes. It will get easier...

Yes, there needs to be a

Yes, there needs to be a line.

My EXH and I have a very civilized relationship. Neither he nor I have brought any drama to our subsequent relationships. He and DH probably speak more than I do, as well. But, it wasn't always this way. Dh had serious problems with us "being nice " to each other, which I had to understand. I took his feelings into consideration and EXH and I only spoke when necessary about the kids...no more chit-chatting, no more how's the family.

After about a year of seeing that EXH posed no threat and was totally anti-drama, DH began to foster a relationship, of sorts, with EXH. They talk and joke around with each other...not best friends, never will be, but nice nontheless.

I said all that to say this: Your DH needs to recognize that your feelings are valid and that his actions are interfering with your relationship.

Talk to him, calmly, and explain that you aren't comfortable with his friendliness with BM, and although at some point your feelings may change, now is not the time.

"I've never understood

"I've never understood carrying on a divorced relationship. Then what exactly is the point of divorce?"
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My point exactly.. I don't get how people get divorced and then say "oh, we're good friends now, and hug and do things for each other" why get divorced then?? I had friends who thought that I should take the diamond out of my engagement ring from my ex-husband and make it into a necklace or something.. I said why the heck would I want to look at THAT every day?? and how disrespectful to my new hubby for me to do something like that?? I certainly wouldn't want him wearing around some (once) sentimental piece a jewelry that an ex gave him... seriously :?

I'm sorry, but in my book when it's over it's over.. no friends.. fine to be civil for the kids but that should be the extent of it.

My SO used to be civil to BM

My SO used to be civil to BM for the sake of SS15. But, after finding out several things and being stabbed in the back one to many times, he now says "BM is dead to me".

If he would have found anything of hers in the past, he would have nicely returned them. Today, he'd have a big bonfire and I'd be holding the match.

Oh, BS. Some of us married

Oh, BS. Some of us married with all good intentions and love only to be abused and have that love thrown back in our faces. People do terrible, nasty things to each other. You're telling me you would have a friendly relationship with a man who cheated on you, stole from you, turned your children against you? That's how things go from being in love to despising someone! Or not wanting contact.

So you let me understand, he

So you let me understand, he has abandoned them and abused you to the point where he might have murdered you and you send him random texts thanking him? Is this a turn the other cheek thing to an extreme?

Oh, BS. Some of us married

"I always figured if he

"I always figured if he "hates" the previous wife, nothing is to say he wouldn't "hate" me if we split."
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I struggle with this. I know with my DH, nothing his kids ever do could ever make him love them any less than he ever has. However, DH has given BM chance-after-chance-after-chance to make things right with their kids. He has forgiven her cheating, lying, stealing...multiple times. He has given her EVERYthing he ever had to give her, even after they split up, so that his kids could know their mother, & repair their relationships with her. He's kept her out of jail twice because she wouldn't pay her child support. He forced his kids to participate in visitation with her when they wanted nothing to do with her. He agreed to change the custody order because she claimed to be terminal with cancer. Come to find out while he'd doing all of this for her, she has taking EVERY opportunity to kick him down & has set him up to lose out on ANY opportunity to know his children. It took that to make him hate her, but I believe he truly does. I believe we all have a breaking point, but I don't believe that means we all have poor character.

I'm not sure if hate is exactly what he feels, I guess, but I really think it is. He doesn't love her. He doesn't like her...at all. He absolutely despises her, & I'm not certain he would feel any loss or sadnes if anything were to happen to her (aside from the pain it would cause the kids, of course). I do believe the explanation for the spite between them is due to some unresolved issues & unanswered questions...probably on both sides. I believe BM still has deep feelings for DH & is angry about him moving on without her. I think that her pain & anger is what continues to drive her to hurt him. Of course, she is not his blood. She is not connected to him the way his children are. His kids probably could do everything to him that she has, & I don't believe that he would love them any less.

For what it's taken for DH to feel hate for BM...I'm absolutely certain that if he & I split, it would never come to him feeling that way toward me. I cannot imagine having it in me to make him feel the way she has made him feel.

*Duplicate post

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There never was a “dream” or

There never was a “dream” or “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you" moment in my DH’s marriage to Mother Russia… there was one big “Oh eff… the weirdo I’ve had a handful of dates with is pregnant. Better do the right thing… eff me… I’m stuck.” moment that he regretted for six years (not the kid… just the situation).

I’ve been through watching him finding some of her stuff mixed in with boxes of his and it was like watching someone have to touch something covered in toxic waste… if he could have used rubber gloves he still would have only used two fingers! I’ve actually been the one to keep her photos safe and deliver them back to her in a respectful manner. My DH has absolutely no sentimental ties to his past with her what so ever… the only time “the past” gets at him is when he remembers 100% of his time with his boys.

I think it would eat me alive to see him having any kind of emotional attachment towards his past with her… I’m really sorry you’re going through something like that…

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I hate when he talks about the past...why why why!

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