Punishments
Can somebody tell me? What punishments should happen for the following for a 10 year old boy?
-taking a razor to the bathroom wall
-stealing (money, jewelry, anything)
-stabbing the bathroom sink
-lying (everything out of his mouth is a lie)
-watching porn
-spitting in your SO's hairbrush
-smearing toothpaste all over the bathroom walls
I could go on and on, but seriously...How would you punish for these?
Just wanted some insight.
- Pantera's blog
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Comments
Serious grounding and
Serious grounding and possibly a slap. The TV would be out of their room. No DS, Xbox and chores. But, then I am a bithc. This is destructive behavior and that needs therapy. Next up is abusing animals.
SS never had a TV in his room
SS never had a TV in his room because he was never able to earn it (thats because of me, DH wanted to put one in there). DH has tried with taking everything away and enforcing chores. That doesnt work either.
I watch SS with my dog and he's actually good with him, but the thought still scares me because of his behavior.
Oh and the slap has been done
Oh and the slap has been done too, it doesn't faze him.
I didn't hear about what Rags
I didn't hear about what Rags did.
Dh has tried the writing sentences (like Bart Simpson on the chalkboard), he has also tried making SS write apology letters. Doesn't work.
I think SS needs to be in
I think SS needs to be in therapy and I don't think his behavior is going to turn around because he has had 10 years to do as he pleases with no consequences. I am just curious as to what someone would do if everything else has been tried.
I painted the tiles in the
I painted the tiles in the bathroom. SS takes a razor (one you use to shave your legs) and razors the paint off of the walls (when he's in the shower). It usually happens when he's angry.
Damn it!!! Thats an AWESOME
Damn it!!! Thats an AWESOME idea. Had you told me that a year ago, I would have suggested it to DH.
He has ADHD.
He has ADHD.
Nothing fazes him. We've
Nothing fazes him. We've ripped everything out of his room before.
If my DS did those things and
If my DS did those things and a serious ass busting didn't cure him, I would put him in counseling. My DH would do the same with my SDs. Luckily my DH has never been opposed to spanking when they are deserved and we have pretty well behaved kids so I'm guesing the spankings worked.
spankings don't work. we did
spankings don't work. we did have SS in counseling but the counseler wasn't really helping us so we were going to switch. thats when DH decided SS was fine and didn't need counseling.
Isolation from the family in
Isolation from the family in a room with nothing but a very uncomfortable wooden desk, a pencil, pencil sharpener and a writing tablet.
The kid writes thousands of sentenses that address his behavioral infraction.
"I will not damage our home or property with a razor"
"I will tell the truth in response to any question"
"I will do my homework and turn it in on time"
Give him a sentence quota with a time limit. If he misses the quota he does it again until he meets the quota within the aloted time. For each sentence that does not meet established standards of neatness he does 10 more. I am not talking a few dozen I am talking hundreds or even thousands over several days or weeks.
The target message of the sentence keeps the infraction fresh in the child's mind. Isolating them from the rest of the family gives the family a break from the incorrigible child.
For the crap you describe I would light his ass up with a belt or paddle before sitting him at the desk to write sentences. I would light his ass up enough that every time he shifts on the seat of the hard wooden desk you hear a whimper out of him.
When his hands are cramping from writing and his fingers are worn to bloody stumps from manipulating a pencil I would then let him rejoin the family with his nose firmly plated in a corner of a room where he can stand for hours without makeing a sound until his nose takes of the shape of the corner it is pressed in.
A 10yo knows that this crap is wrong and that there will be EXTREME consequences including corporal punishment, loss of freedoms, endless hours of sentence writing, separation/isolationfrom the family and extended restriction of priveledges, activities or participation in anything pleasant.
Under no circumstance would I allow a 10yo to jeopardize the blissul condition of the rest of my family members.
We are not talking a 2yo here we are talking a 10yo pre teen who knows what he is doing is completely unacceptable. Implement punishments that will give him that message consitantlyand severly until he complies with the behavioural standards he knows he should be complying with.
If I was your DH and that kid spit on my hair brush he would be pulling that hair brush out of his ass and would have to go to the doctor to get bristles pulled from his tonsils I would have that brush so far up his ass. He would also have licked every spot of tooth paste off of the walls until his toungue was work raw.
Grrrrr! If he does not have some medical reason for this crap like he is missing his entire cerebral cortex I would have ZERO tolerance for that crap.
This crap would be a challenge for me and I can assure any child that I can make their lives more misrable than they can make mine. }:)
There is a life long benefit to the sentence writing punishment. The kid will have the most beautiful hand writing for the rest of his life. If he repeats the same infractions after writing a few thousand sentences on that particular violation have him write them in different languages. You might end up with a kid who is fluent in several languages if he does not get a clue in a hurry.
Let me know when you are implementing the sentence writing so I can go buy stock in a pencil company.
All IMHO of course.
Best regards.
OMG this is HILARIOUS! I
OMG this is HILARIOUS! I couldn't stop laughing reading this! I'm sorry if you didn't mean for it to be funny but it was to me! Thanks for a good bedtime laugh after a long day!
Applause. I think Im going
Applause.
I think Im going to print this out and give it to DH.
This child needs therapy.
This child needs therapy. That's it. He needs to see a psychologist immediately if not sooner. He is displaying serious psychological issues. Razors?!?!?! Dangerous!!! He's 10...Something has happened to this boy. Does he behave this way in school?
He isn't destructive in
He isn't destructive in school but he does misbehave there too. The last school year I disengaged so I don't really know about the last year because DH hides things from me (because i may be "right").
I know he needs therapy.
It was funny to me because it
It was funny to me because it was REAL. I typically LOVE Rags posts for this very reason. I was raised the old-fashioned way - just like Rags described & I've no ill will toward my mother for that - I think it HELPED make me & my siblings the independent, responsible adults we are today!
It's just funny to hear anyone talk about discipline like this anymore because of the all the "children's rights" crap that is abound these days. Maybe if more people saw the correlation between the lack of discipline in current times and the loser "adults" these children are turning out to be we could get a movement back to good old fashioned butt whoopings - they WORKED!
Maux, This worked for us
Maux,
This worked for us though we never had the intensity of issues that Pantera and her family are dealing with from her SS.
I did not read that the boy has ADD until after I had posted. That information would have moderated my passionate wording a bit but would not have changed the core of my recommendation.
My SS will be 15 in less than a week and to this day cringes when we recount the sentence stories. We had an unused room in our home (airconditioned, heated, carpeted and finished) that was empty. When we eventually landed on sentence writing as an effective consequence for lying, etc..... we put an antique wooden desk in the room and he wrote ...... and wrote and wrote from age ~8 until ~12. Our philosphy was if he was goofing off when he was supposed to be working he could work when he was supposed to be goofing off.
The one sentence he remembers well is "I will do my homework and turn it in on time". For whatever reason he has always had a problem turning in his homework. He used to do it then not turn it in. Grrrrr! this drove his mom and I nuts.
Hopefully your son/child has grown past the issues that your family struggled with.
My kid will be home from his final court ordered visitation with the SpermClan in a couple of weeks. ......... time to go buy some pencils because he is going to be doing a lot of writing when he gets home. }:)
Not for punnishment mind you. He has ton of college apps to fill out, job interviews to prepare for and appointments with military recruiters to get ready for.
Best regards.
I made a typo. SS will be 18
I made a typo. SS will be 18 in less than a week.
There is an underlying
There is an underlying problem. I DO suggest counseling. I remember ss doing craY things too when he was 8. I thought he was ADD and thought maybe he had affects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I had never seen a kid behave like that- full blown tantrums, screaming, destroying things when angry... We slowly took away things when he dis that and he literally lost everything in his room- no things on his walls, no tv, no video games because he was SO destructive. Anyway I tens to believe it was because he was having a hard time adjusting to his 'new family'. DH and I had been married 2 years, we had one DD together & were expecting another (a boy at that), it was the first time in his life that he stayed 30 straight days with us in the summer...all that combined with he never dealt with his parents' separation. They were never married but 'broke up' when ss was 2. So no one ever talked to him about it and he never felt he could talk to anyone about it. He had tons of emotions going on in his little 8yo body and enough changes to stress out an adult. We never took him o counseling because shortly after that began a 4 year period of seeing him less and less. He's now 12 and at least not destructive! He had time to mature. For you though, I wouldn't let it go. If punishment doesn't work then I really really suggest counseling.
I could understand better if
I could understand better if this was happening at the beginning of the relationship. I've been with DH for 4 years, married for 1. It just keeps getting worse and worse.
Right. Because no one has
Right. Because no one has fixed the actual problem. I'm not saying the problem is you, your marriage to dh or even related to you at all. Maybe it has something to do with his parents' divorce, maybe something going on at home, maybe something happening at school. Who knows? But I don't see his behavior as normal and since he does get in trouble at school, too, there may be something going on. Even something like ADHD or something. Just saying that if punishments/discipline aren't working then looking into a counselor wouldn't be a bad idea. Even just having a conference with his teacher and/or school counselor to see if they think he needs to see a counselor.
He does have ADHD and is
He does have ADHD and is medicated for it. It doesn't however take away his anger and destructiveness (as it shouldn't because its a whole different issue). At first DH blamed EVERYTHING on ADHD. That is completely ridiculous in my eyes. I don't think any of these behaviors have anything to do with ADHD.
His teachers do think he needs to see a counseler. DH doesn't do meetings with teachers so that stopped when I disengaged (in Sept 2009). All I know from last year is what was written on the report cards (which I wasn't supposed to read).
It hasn't been fixed and I know thats why it keeps getting worse. His parents won't fix it!!! I can't.
Right. Because no one has
Right. Because no one has fixed the actual problem. I'm not saying the problem is you, your marriage to dh or even related to you at all. Maybe it has something to do with his parents' divorce, maybe something going on at home, maybe something happening at school. Who knows? But I don't see his behavior as normal and since he does get in trouble at school, too, there may be something going on. Even something like ADHD or something. Just saying that if punishments/discipline aren't working then looking into a counselor wouldn't be a bad idea. Even just having a conference with his teacher and/or school counselor to see if they think he needs to see a counselor.
DH is having SS work off the
DH is having SS work off the money for the porn he ordered (its in another blog). SS will literally stand out in the yard and cry and talk to himself (DH had him picking up sticks, rocks, and raking if needed). It would be embarrassing to send him to a neighbor's house for him to do that in thier yard (although that is an awesome idea, I think that when I have kids one day, Im going to use some of these suggestions for sure). And its been 100 degrees here lately too.
I'm wondering whatever
I'm wondering whatever happened to long punishments? We would be confined to our room only to leave for school, church, restroom and meal breaks for weeks at at time and sometimes a full month! Oh, of course there was also no TV or video games, etc. in the room with us - we could sleep, read, do homework, write, etc. - that's it! Finally, if friends called or stopped by asking for us they were told we were being punished, embarrassment sometimes works wonders for pre-teens & teenagers!