DH and After I Move Out
I brought up to DH the "dating" scenario. I move out and we can start over and "date". It was a no go. So I guess I know for sure that Im doing the right thing. He said that as a married couple we should be fixing our problems under one roof. I asked him since when has he treated me like a wife? There is alot of game playing on his part. This all really sucks. 1 more week!!!
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Thanks. I don't think things
Thanks. I don't think things will change, and I know I have to go.
He is being a little boy now
He is being a little boy now isnt he; head down, scuffing the dirt with one foot, with hands in his pockets?
At least you tried, and he should be grateful you even mentioned dating him! He should be so lucky for you to even want anything further once you move. You are far better off and you will love yourself even more once you are on your own.
Good luck!
Actually, it's about making
Actually, it's about making an effort, re-evaluating things from a different perspective and taking things slowly to avoid falling back into the same dangerous habits and behaviors, especially while emotions are still running high.
I didn't realize you were an qualified in relationship and family psychology, but if that's the case then you should know that "dating" while married is not horribly uncommon in people who are trying to save their marriage. It isn't a permanent solution and maybe it isn't ideal, but it has been shown to work. It offers the opportunity to step back and take small steps. IMO, there's far more dedication in a relationship by admitting there are problems with the way things currently and attempting to take a different path to fixing said problems than there is walking back into the exact same situation with no resolutions and expecting things to be different for the sake of saying "But we live together". That's nonsensical.
This is how I feel.
This is how I feel.
I knew you would, lol. Its
I knew you would, lol. Its not like Im saying we'll start dating like we did when we first got together and act like we don't know each other. I mean like dating AND going to therapy, HIM getting his son under control and establish who is the parent and then slowly blending us back together in the future. I think its worth a shot. I know most separations end in divorce but I know 2 couples that separated and have been together 30+ years.
I posted a couple of weeks ago that I told him I would stay and asked him what would change, he didn't want it. So now that I am leaving for sure, he seems to want to work things out. So if he really wants to work things out, wouldn't he do this? I love this man or I wouldn't have put this much time or effort in. Im to the point that the situation is driving me so crazy. I don't know if he really wants me there or not, I think I am too convenient. I don't think my suggestion is too far out. Im not leading him on, its the exact opposite.
Pantera, I see what your
Pantera, I see what your (X?)H is trying to say but I do think it sounds like bullshit. Being under the same roof has nothing to do with problem-solving, and anyone who isn't being an instigator knows that.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Just remember that you're doing what's best for you and you have tried everything you could. Again, I'm so sorry.
Keeping you in thoughts and prayers, hon.
Thats what Im scared of and
Thats what Im scared of and thats why Im not staying, and thats on top of his son's behavior.
It sounds like he's afraid of
It sounds like he's afraid of losing control. If you move out, you might start thinking for yourself, get some perspective and see that you don't need him. It sounds like he's scared - and he should be.
You could go for a 'gag-me'sentiment - send him something with that old 'if you love something set it free.....' sayings on it.
Your heart has told you its
Your heart has told you its time to go, so follow it. If it makes it easier for you to let him buy you a few dinners and bring you a few flowers, let him do it. It is long overdue. When you value yourself enough to follow your heart, I bet you will find that many other (better) men will line up to date you too. In the end, I predict you will never go back to your husband, and I bet it will be the best move you ever made. Stand your ground. I think this whole online step community is routing for you!
I thank all of you guys
I thank all of you guys again. I just have to vent about it. I don't really like to talk about it with my friends and family because I know how they feel.
Thanks for your comment. I
Thanks for your comment. I told DH that Im not separating with the intent to date ANYONE, Im separating because I can't live like this anymore. At this point, I don't ever want to date again, lol. Im glad things worked out for you.
Sweetie, he needs a good
Sweetie, he needs a good swift kick in the behind. He reminds me of the three year-old trying to agree when it is time to get something he wants but the rest of the time it isn't convenient. Take care of you, because quite frankly, it's about time someone in your relationship put you first for a turn. It isn't like you haven't tried over and over. And, I think the sooner you get out and stop having contact with him, the better for Pantera. His mind games are not good for you. First night in your new place, I hope you have the most relaxing bubble bath.