So SS2 is has his big third birthday this weekend and BM is hosting the party. I’ve seen countless posts here over the last few months on parties and what should or should not be expected/volunteered/pushed into doing as far as these situations go and I’m completely at a loss as to how I ended up in the predicament I now find myself in.

First of all… we jokingly call ourselves “The Mormons”. Not knocking anybody’s religion here… it just feels like we’re this southern version of the show “Big Love” sometimes! When we’re all together (at a school event, family party, out to eat for Jebus sakes!) it’s how people tend to look at us… big daddy and his many wives in tow. It’s because there’s a surprising lack of animosity between BM and myself. We laugh and joke and poke fun at DH and the kids together… we “mother” the kids evenly in front of each other (even though I respectfully hold back quite a bit when she’s around… she’s the Mother after all and I respect that!) and all in all I thank my lucky stars for everyone involved that the situation is the way it is. After reading some of your BM stories I wouldn’t have it any other way than the way it is. If we “have” to be in each others lives for the next 15 some years on a day-to-day basis why not try to make it as pleasant as possible, right?

But…. it’s also very unnatural.
She and DH still explode on each other occasionally and then I’m stuck in the middle with my head down trying to fade into the wallpaper. And it’s always been my nature to “fix” situations. In the cold war of their failed marriage I’m Sweden standing there with two cups of hot chocolate and a smile saying, “can’t we all just get along?!?”

Like this birthday party jazz… we all decided the first birthday that popped up after DH and I married that we would take turns hosting the events. This year, Mother Russia had both boys parties at her house and we did the cake and favors etc. and next year we’ll switch who hosts… and so on and so forth until the kids are too old for parties and tell us to piss off to be with their friends. We just thought that was fair to both households and saved the conflict of making friends and family choose between (feel obligated to go to) two separate functions every year.

Problem is… Mother Russia has no idea what goes into planning a child’s birthday party!!! She’s consulted us on food, activities, she sent out e-mail invitations with no RSVP for chripses sakes and now we have no idea how many favors to make so we’re just making one for every blessed person invited! And then she asks me today to go shopping with her to pick out the food and decorations… and of course…. I said yes. Now I have a shopping date scheduled with my husband’s ex-wife Friday evening. To get ready for their kid’s third birthday party!!! Is this crazy..? Is this too much involvement..? I know that she’s foreign (only been in the US 8 years or so) and has NO family and very little friends here… and she’s lonely. Very very lonely.

I guess my question to you all is… do you think I’m doing her (and myself!) more harm than good by being so involved?
Thanks.